How to Stop Being Liked and Start Being Respected: Chanakya Niti
Riya Kumari | Jul 18, 2025, 15:43 IST
( Image credit : Times Life Bureau )
Let’s get one thing straight. Being “liked” is easy. All it takes is saying yes to things you hate, laughing at jokes that die inside your soul, and constantly being available like you're Amazon Prime with feelings. Cute, right? Until you realize you’ve been slowly eroding your spine in exchange for temporary applause.
There’s a strange thing that happens when you spend your life trying to be liked. You lose your edge. Not immediately. It’s subtle. First you become agreeable. Then convenient. Then predictable. Eventually, you become invisible to the very people you’re trying to impress. Why? Because when people are too sure of you, they stop being careful around you. And that’s when it happens. They start taking. They start laughing when you’re uncomfortable. They start expecting, not appreciating. The truth? Being liked is easy. It’s passive. It requires no boundaries, no strategy, no spine.
Being respected? That’s different. It takes silence. Stillness. Sacrifice. And above all, it takes understanding the darkest truths about human nature, and using them wisely. That’s where Chanakya comes in. The man didn’t speak in moral poetry. He spoke in cold precision. He understood something we don’t say out loud in polite society: People don’t follow the nicest person in the room. They follow the one who makes them feel something close to fear—but just enough to still want their approval. Let’s talk about how to become that person.
1. Likeability is a Weak Man’s Drug
You want people to like you? Easy. Be agreeable. Be soft. Be endlessly understanding. And then watch how quickly they stop listening when you speak. People don’t respect what’s familiar. They respect what’s scarce. They don’t admire what bends for them. They admire what stands, even when it costs something.
Chanakya said, “Straight trees are cut first.” Meaning: if you’re always visible, always nice, always available, you become a target. Not because you’re wrong. But because you’re easy.
2. Don’t Be Warm. Be Calculated
The world has enough warmth. It needs more cold clarity. Kindness, when given freely to everyone, becomes meaningless. You don’t owe warmth to those who test your limits. You don’t owe support to those who only show up when they need you. What you owe, is silence, distance, and mystery.
The moment people feel they can decode you, they stop being careful. That’s when they start using you, even if unintentionally. Chanakya’s rule? Speak less than you know. Reveal less than you feel. Give less than you’re capable of, until you see who deserves more.
3. Everyone Has an Agenda. Even You. Admit It. Use It
You think your relationships are pure? Your friendships sacred? Chanakya disagrees. “There is some self-interest behind every friendship. There is no friendship without self-interests. This is the bitter truth.” It’s not evil. It’s reality. And the more quickly you embrace it, the more power you take back. Stop pretending to be selfless. You’re not. No one is.
But the smart ones? They know how to merge self-interest with strategy. They know how to help others in a way that strengthens their own position. Not by being manipulative. But by being aware. Awareness is not darkness. Awareness is freedom.
4. If You Want Peace, Learn the Art of Psychological Distance
Respect isn’t built in noise. It’s built in pause. It’s built when you stop reacting. When you start responding with intention. When your silence begins to feel heavier than your words. This isn’t aloofness. It’s emotional control. You don’t need to shout to be heard.
You don’t need to fight to win. Sometimes, the strongest move is simply not playing the game they expect you to. Chanakya never threatened anyone. He made them afraid of making the wrong move. Learn that art. Let your calm become eerie.
5. Fear is Not Evil. It’s a Tool, When You Use It Right
Let’s say it straight: You do need a little fear. Not the kind that terrifies. The kind that makes people pause before crossing you. Respect isn’t about being loved. It’s about being remembered. And sometimes, people only remember those who make them slightly uncomfortable, because they cannot figure them out.
They don’t know what you’ll tolerate. They don’t know what you’ll walk away from. They don’t know what your silence really means. That’s power. That’s presence. That’s psychological gravity. Chanakya never taught how to dominate people. He taught how to be untouchable.
A Final Rule from the Master Strategist
You can be liked by everyone and disrespected by the very same people in the next breath. You can be generous, gentle, gifted and still be dismissed. Because humans, at their core, respect sharpness. They respect what can walk away. They respect the ones who don’t beg to be understood. Who don’t explain when misunderstood. Who know how to disappear and be missed. So stop aiming to be liked. That’s child’s play.
Aim for something more enduring. Aim to be respected, remembered, and slightly feared, with purpose, with principle, and with precision. Because like fades. Respect stays. And when wielded right…It commands empires.
Being respected? That’s different. It takes silence. Stillness. Sacrifice. And above all, it takes understanding the darkest truths about human nature, and using them wisely. That’s where Chanakya comes in. The man didn’t speak in moral poetry. He spoke in cold precision. He understood something we don’t say out loud in polite society: People don’t follow the nicest person in the room. They follow the one who makes them feel something close to fear—but just enough to still want their approval. Let’s talk about how to become that person.
1. Likeability is a Weak Man’s Drug
Yes
( Image credit : Unsplash )
You want people to like you? Easy. Be agreeable. Be soft. Be endlessly understanding. And then watch how quickly they stop listening when you speak. People don’t respect what’s familiar. They respect what’s scarce. They don’t admire what bends for them. They admire what stands, even when it costs something.
Chanakya said, “Straight trees are cut first.” Meaning: if you’re always visible, always nice, always available, you become a target. Not because you’re wrong. But because you’re easy.
2. Don’t Be Warm. Be Calculated
Mystery
( Image credit : Unsplash )
The world has enough warmth. It needs more cold clarity. Kindness, when given freely to everyone, becomes meaningless. You don’t owe warmth to those who test your limits. You don’t owe support to those who only show up when they need you. What you owe, is silence, distance, and mystery.
The moment people feel they can decode you, they stop being careful. That’s when they start using you, even if unintentionally. Chanakya’s rule? Speak less than you know. Reveal less than you feel. Give less than you’re capable of, until you see who deserves more.
3. Everyone Has an Agenda. Even You. Admit It. Use It
Hand shake
( Image credit : Unsplash )
You think your relationships are pure? Your friendships sacred? Chanakya disagrees. “There is some self-interest behind every friendship. There is no friendship without self-interests. This is the bitter truth.” It’s not evil. It’s reality. And the more quickly you embrace it, the more power you take back. Stop pretending to be selfless. You’re not. No one is.
But the smart ones? They know how to merge self-interest with strategy. They know how to help others in a way that strengthens their own position. Not by being manipulative. But by being aware. Awareness is not darkness. Awareness is freedom.
4. If You Want Peace, Learn the Art of Psychological Distance
Smile
( Image credit : Unsplash )
Respect isn’t built in noise. It’s built in pause. It’s built when you stop reacting. When you start responding with intention. When your silence begins to feel heavier than your words. This isn’t aloofness. It’s emotional control. You don’t need to shout to be heard.
You don’t need to fight to win. Sometimes, the strongest move is simply not playing the game they expect you to. Chanakya never threatened anyone. He made them afraid of making the wrong move. Learn that art. Let your calm become eerie.
5. Fear is Not Evil. It’s a Tool, When You Use It Right
Work
( Image credit : Unsplash )
Let’s say it straight: You do need a little fear. Not the kind that terrifies. The kind that makes people pause before crossing you. Respect isn’t about being loved. It’s about being remembered. And sometimes, people only remember those who make them slightly uncomfortable, because they cannot figure them out.
They don’t know what you’ll tolerate. They don’t know what you’ll walk away from. They don’t know what your silence really means. That’s power. That’s presence. That’s psychological gravity. Chanakya never taught how to dominate people. He taught how to be untouchable.
A Final Rule from the Master Strategist
Aim for something more enduring. Aim to be respected, remembered, and slightly feared, with purpose, with principle, and with precision. Because like fades. Respect stays. And when wielded right…It commands empires.