Dharma vs. Karma in Marriage: Why Many Indian Relationships Feel Like a Burden
Riya Kumari | Mar 08, 2025, 23:57 IST
Indian marriage, even more specifically, that peculiar phenomenon where two people start off dancing to “Gallan Goodiyan” at their sangeet and, five years later, are debating who forgot to buy dhaniya while looking like they haven’t slept since demonetization. Now, don’t get me wrong. Marriage is great. It’s a lifelong sleepover with your favorite person—until you realize that your favorite person loads the dishwasher like a chaotic evil and snores like an idling tractor. Indian marriages often feel like a burden not because of the people in them, but because of the invisible rulebook they come with.
Marriage, in its essence, should be about companionship—about choosing to walk through life together, side by side. But in many Indian relationships, it feels less like a choice and more like a script written long before the couple even met. It’s not just about love; it’s about duty (dharma) and destiny (karma)—two grand ideas that sound noble but often leave people trapped in relationships that feel more like obligations than partnerships. Why does this happen? And more importantly, does it have to?
1. Dharma: The Weight of Expectations
In Indian culture, dharma is the foundation of everything. It’s about doing what is right, fulfilling responsibilities, and upholding order. A noble idea—until it becomes a burden. From the moment an Indian couple gets married, their relationship is no longer just their own. It belongs to the family, the community, the unspoken rules of tradition. Marriage is not just about two people—it’s a social contract, a performance, a responsibility. The individual often disappears, making way for the role they must play.
This is why so many people stay in marriages that bring them no joy. Because leaving isn’t just a personal decision—it’s breaking the sacred order. It’s disappointing parents, defying society, and shaking the foundation of how things are supposed to be. So, they stay. They adjust. They sacrifice. They endure. Not because they want to, but because that’s what they’ve been told is right.
2. Karma: The Illusion of Fate
Then, there’s karma—the idea that our present is shaped by our past actions, that we are exactly where we are meant to be. In theory, this should give us power over our choices. In reality, it often takes that power away. “This is your fate.” “You must have done something in a past life to deserve this.” “Your struggles are part of your karma.”
This kind of thinking turns marriage into a test, rather than a journey. If you’re struggling, it’s not because the relationship is broken—it’s because you must endure. Love, understanding, and mutual growth take a backseat. The focus shifts from happiness to resilience, from connection to survival. And so, people convince themselves that their suffering has meaning, that their endurance will be rewarded, that staying—no matter how unhappy—must count for something in the cosmic balance sheet.
3. The Burden of Marriage
Between dharma (“You must fulfill your duty”) and karma (“This is your fate”), where is choice? Where is love? A marriage should be a living, breathing relationship—not a structure held up by duty and fate alone. When marriage becomes a role rather than a relationship, it loses its meaning.
It turns into something you have to do, rather than something you want to nurture. This is why so many Indian marriages feel like a weight people carry rather than a bond they cherish. Because it’s not about happiness—it’s about endurance. And when endurance becomes the primary goal, love starts to fade.
4. A Different Way to Look at Marriage
But here’s the thing: dharma and karma are not wrong. We just misunderstand them. Dharma does not mean blind duty—it means acting in a way that aligns with truth and justice. Staying in a marriage where both partners are suffering is not dharma. A marriage that forces two people to shrink rather than grow is not dharma. Dharma is choosing what is right—not just for society, but for yourself and your partner.
And karma? Karma is not about suffering in silence. It’s about taking responsibility for our choices. It’s about understanding that we are not bound by fate—we are shaped by the actions we take today. If a marriage is not bringing out the best in both people, staying in it is not fulfilling karma—it is avoiding it.
The Marriage We Should Strive For
A marriage should not be a burden. It should be a commitment made with clarity, awareness, and choice.
A marriage where duty does not overshadow love.
A marriage where fate does not replace responsibility.
A marriage where two people choose each other, every single day—not out of obligation, but out of genuine love and understanding.
The real dharma of marriage is not endurance. It is growth. The real karma of marriage is not suffering. It is accountability. The question is: Are we ready to see marriage for what it truly should be? Or will we continue carrying the burden of what it was never meant to become?
1. Dharma: The Weight of Expectations
This is why so many people stay in marriages that bring them no joy. Because leaving isn’t just a personal decision—it’s breaking the sacred order. It’s disappointing parents, defying society, and shaking the foundation of how things are supposed to be. So, they stay. They adjust. They sacrifice. They endure. Not because they want to, but because that’s what they’ve been told is right.
2. Karma: The Illusion of Fate
This kind of thinking turns marriage into a test, rather than a journey. If you’re struggling, it’s not because the relationship is broken—it’s because you must endure. Love, understanding, and mutual growth take a backseat. The focus shifts from happiness to resilience, from connection to survival. And so, people convince themselves that their suffering has meaning, that their endurance will be rewarded, that staying—no matter how unhappy—must count for something in the cosmic balance sheet.
3. The Burden of Marriage
It turns into something you have to do, rather than something you want to nurture. This is why so many Indian marriages feel like a weight people carry rather than a bond they cherish. Because it’s not about happiness—it’s about endurance. And when endurance becomes the primary goal, love starts to fade.
4. A Different Way to Look at Marriage
And karma? Karma is not about suffering in silence. It’s about taking responsibility for our choices. It’s about understanding that we are not bound by fate—we are shaped by the actions we take today. If a marriage is not bringing out the best in both people, staying in it is not fulfilling karma—it is avoiding it.
The Marriage We Should Strive For
A marriage where duty does not overshadow love.
A marriage where fate does not replace responsibility.
A marriage where two people choose each other, every single day—not out of obligation, but out of genuine love and understanding.
The real dharma of marriage is not endurance. It is growth. The real karma of marriage is not suffering. It is accountability. The question is: Are we ready to see marriage for what it truly should be? Or will we continue carrying the burden of what it was never meant to become?