How to Be Kind Without Being Taken for Granted—The Gita’s Lesson on Boundaries
Nidhi | Mar 15, 2025, 23:59 IST
( Image credit : Times Life Bureau, Timeslife )
We all want to be kind, but what happens when that kindness starts feeling like a burden? This article dives into the Bhagavad Gita’s wisdom on balancing compassion with self-respect. It’s about learning to give from a place of strength, not obligation—setting boundaries without feeling guilty and protecting your peace without closing your heart. Because true kindness isn’t about sacrificing yourself; it’s about knowing where to draw the line.
Have you ever caught yourself saying, “It’s okay, they didn’t mean to hurt me” — even when you knew they did? Or felt emotionally exhausted because you kept giving and giving, hoping someone would finally notice how much you care?
Being kind feels like the right thing to do — until it starts to feel like a burden. The Gita teaches that true kindness isn’t about pleasing others; it’s about acting from a place of inner strength and peace. Compassion without boundaries isn’t kindness — it’s self-neglect.
So, how do you remain kind without being walked over? The Gita holds timeless answers — not about building walls, but about finding the strength to stand your ground while keeping your heart open.
"सुखदुःखे समे कृत्वा लाभालाभौ जयाजयौ।
ततो युद्धाय युज्यस्व नैवं पापमवाप्स्यसि॥"
— Bhagavad Gita (2.38)
Translation: Treat pleasure and pain, gain and loss, victory and defeat equally. Then, engage in your duty — without attachment to the outcome.
Have you ever apologized just to avoid conflict, even when you weren’t wrong? That’s not kindness — that’s fear disguised as empathy. The Gita teaches that true kindness is not about making everyone happy. It's about acting with integrity, even when it means disappointing others.
When you show kindness from a place of strength rather than a need for approval, you free yourself from the emotional rollercoaster of others’ reactions. You are not responsible for how people respond to your kindness — you are only responsible for staying true to yourself.
"कर्मण्येवाधिकारस्ते मा फलेषु कदाचन।
मा कर्मफलहेतुर्भूर्मा ते सङ्गोऽस्त्वकर्मणि॥"
— Bhagavad Gita (2.47)
Translation: You have a right to your actions, but not to the results. Let go of attachment to outcomes, and do not become idle.
It’s human to expect appreciation — a thank you, a smile, maybe a bit of recognition. But when your kindness is measured by how others respond, you become a prisoner of their approval. The Gita teaches that true compassion is an offering — not a transaction.
Give from the heart, but also know when to stop. If someone keeps taking without giving back — emotionally, mentally, or physically — it’s not unkind to walk away. Protecting your peace is an act of self-respect, not selfishness.
"नात्मानमवसादयेत्।
आत्मैव ह्यात्मनो बन्धुरात्मैव रिपुरात्मनः॥"
— Bhagavad Gita (6.5)
Translation: Do not let yourself be defeated. The self is both friend and enemy to the self.
Why is it so hard to say no? Because we fear rejection. We think that setting boundaries will make us appear cold or selfish. But the Gita teaches that protecting your peace is not an act of cruelty — it’s an act of wisdom.
When someone repeatedly disrespects your time, energy, or trust, walking away is not weakness — it’s strength. You are allowed to love people from a distance. You are allowed to say, “I can’t help you with this,” without guilt. Boundaries are not walls — they are the guardrails that protect your peace.
"क्षमयाच परं शान्तिः क्षमया जितमन्यवः।
क्षमया वश्यते लोकः क्षमयैकं वशीकृतम्॥"
Translation: Forgiveness brings peace; it overcomes anger and commands respect from the world.
Forgiving someone does not mean giving them the same access to you. You can release resentment while protecting your heart. If someone repeatedly hurts you, forgiveness is about letting go of anger — not inviting them back in to do it again.
The Gita teaches that forgiveness is for you — not for them. It’s the key to freeing yourself from bitterness. But forgiveness without accountability breeds disrespect. You can close the door with love — and that’s still an act of kindness.
"स्वधर्मे निधनं श्रेयः परधर्मो भयावहः॥"
— Bhagavad Gita (3.35)
Translation: It is better to fail at your own path than to succeed at someone else’s. Following someone else’s path is dangerous.
Kindness should not require self-betrayal. If being kind to someone means silencing your voice, compromising your values, or sacrificing your happiness — you are no longer being kind to yourself. The Gita teaches that your duty is to your inner truth, not to others’ expectations.
Being kind doesn’t mean agreeing with everything or tolerating disrespect. It means offering love and compassion without compromising your identity. When kindness starts to feel like exhaustion, it’s time to realign with your truth.
The Gita teaches that kindness is not about being soft — it’s about being grounded. True kindness stems from inner strength, not the fear of being disliked. It’s not about giving endlessly — it’s about knowing when to give, when to walk away, and when to protect your peace.
Being kind with boundaries is not selfish — it’s wise. Compassion without self-respect breeds resentment. Love without balance breeds exhaustion. The next time you feel like you’re being drained by your kindness, remember the Gita’s wisdom: Be kind, but not at the cost of yourself.
Being kind feels like the right thing to do — until it starts to feel like a burden. The Gita teaches that true kindness isn’t about pleasing others; it’s about acting from a place of inner strength and peace. Compassion without boundaries isn’t kindness — it’s self-neglect.
So, how do you remain kind without being walked over? The Gita holds timeless answers — not about building walls, but about finding the strength to stand your ground while keeping your heart open.
1. Kindness Isn’t the Same as Pleasing Everyone
People Pleasing
( Image credit : Pexels )
ततो युद्धाय युज्यस्व नैवं पापमवाप्स्यसि॥"
— Bhagavad Gita (2.38)
Translation: Treat pleasure and pain, gain and loss, victory and defeat equally. Then, engage in your duty — without attachment to the outcome.
Have you ever apologized just to avoid conflict, even when you weren’t wrong? That’s not kindness — that’s fear disguised as empathy. The Gita teaches that true kindness is not about making everyone happy. It's about acting with integrity, even when it means disappointing others.
When you show kindness from a place of strength rather than a need for approval, you free yourself from the emotional rollercoaster of others’ reactions. You are not responsible for how people respond to your kindness — you are only responsible for staying true to yourself.
2. Give Without Expecting — But Don’t Be Afraid to Stop
Hug
( Image credit : Pexels )
मा कर्मफलहेतुर्भूर्मा ते सङ्गोऽस्त्वकर्मणि॥"
— Bhagavad Gita (2.47)
Translation: You have a right to your actions, but not to the results. Let go of attachment to outcomes, and do not become idle.
It’s human to expect appreciation — a thank you, a smile, maybe a bit of recognition. But when your kindness is measured by how others respond, you become a prisoner of their approval. The Gita teaches that true compassion is an offering — not a transaction.
Give from the heart, but also know when to stop. If someone keeps taking without giving back — emotionally, mentally, or physically — it’s not unkind to walk away. Protecting your peace is an act of self-respect, not selfishness.
3. Boundaries Are a Form of Kindness — to Yourself
Maintain Boundaries
( Image credit : Pexels )
आत्मैव ह्यात्मनो बन्धुरात्मैव रिपुरात्मनः॥"
— Bhagavad Gita (6.5)
Translation: Do not let yourself be defeated. The self is both friend and enemy to the self.
Why is it so hard to say no? Because we fear rejection. We think that setting boundaries will make us appear cold or selfish. But the Gita teaches that protecting your peace is not an act of cruelty — it’s an act of wisdom.
When someone repeatedly disrespects your time, energy, or trust, walking away is not weakness — it’s strength. You are allowed to love people from a distance. You are allowed to say, “I can’t help you with this,” without guilt. Boundaries are not walls — they are the guardrails that protect your peace.
4. Forgiveness Is Strength, But It Doesn’t Mean Re-entry
Forgive
( Image credit : Pexels )
"क्षमयाच परं शान्तिः क्षमया जितमन्यवः।
क्षमया वश्यते लोकः क्षमयैकं वशीकृतम्॥"
Translation: Forgiveness brings peace; it overcomes anger and commands respect from the world.
Forgiving someone does not mean giving them the same access to you. You can release resentment while protecting your heart. If someone repeatedly hurts you, forgiveness is about letting go of anger — not inviting them back in to do it again.
The Gita teaches that forgiveness is for you — not for them. It’s the key to freeing yourself from bitterness. But forgiveness without accountability breeds disrespect. You can close the door with love — and that’s still an act of kindness.
5. Be Kind Without Losing Yourself
Pray
( Image credit : Pexels )
— Bhagavad Gita (3.35)
Translation: It is better to fail at your own path than to succeed at someone else’s. Following someone else’s path is dangerous.
Kindness should not require self-betrayal. If being kind to someone means silencing your voice, compromising your values, or sacrificing your happiness — you are no longer being kind to yourself. The Gita teaches that your duty is to your inner truth, not to others’ expectations.
Being kind doesn’t mean agreeing with everything or tolerating disrespect. It means offering love and compassion without compromising your identity. When kindness starts to feel like exhaustion, it’s time to realign with your truth.
Kindness Is Strength, Not Submission
Being kind with boundaries is not selfish — it’s wise. Compassion without self-respect breeds resentment. Love without balance breeds exhaustion. The next time you feel like you’re being drained by your kindness, remember the Gita’s wisdom: Be kind, but not at the cost of yourself.