Chanakya Niti: How to Stop Chasing External Validation
Riya Kumari | Mar 18, 2025, 15:54 IST
( Image credit : Times Life Bureau )
So, you posted a photo. You waited. And waited. And—yes!—the likes started trickling in. You could finally exhale. The world still thinks you're cool, attractive, and totally thriving. Congratulations, your self-worth is safe for another day. See, if you're anything like the rest of us (ahem, humans), your mood is a little too tied to what other people think. And it’s not just social media. It’s the way you casually drop your job title into conversations. It’s the humblebrag about how you “totally didn’t prepare” for that thing you obviously prepared for.
There’s a moment in every person’s life when they realize they are not living for themselves. Maybe it’s when you catch yourself carefully crafting a text, editing and re-editing, just so it lands the way you want. Maybe it’s when you hesitate before sharing an idea, afraid of how it will be received. Or maybe it’s when you feel an inexplicable emptiness, even after getting exactly the approval you were seeking. The truth is, most of us spend our lives auditioning for a role we never consciously signed up for—one where we mold ourselves to be acceptable, likable, worthy in the eyes of others.
1. People Are Not Thinking About You As Much As You Think
Chanakya was blunt: “The world does not run on your desires.” Translation? Nobody is keeping track of your wins and failures the way you think they are. That embarrassing moment from years ago? Forgotten. The thing you said in a meeting that felt awkward? Barely noticed. The way your outfit looked slightly off today? No one cared.
We suffer because we assume we are under constant scrutiny, but the reality is, most people are too occupied with their own lives to be focused on ours. The weight of judgment we carry is often imaginary. Once you grasp this, you stop living as if you’re being watched and start living as if you’re free.
2. The Approval You Crave Will Never Be Enough
Chanakya warned against attachment—not just to people, but to the need for recognition. Because the moment your happiness depends on validation, you’ve put your peace in someone else’s hands. Let’s say you finally get the praise you’ve been longing for. Does it last? No.
The feeling is fleeting. Soon, you need another round of approval. And another. The cycle never ends. Because external validation is like drinking salt water—it never truly quenches your thirst. A person who chases recognition is like a traveler lost in a desert, running towards mirages. The more they seek, the further peace slips away.
3. When You Need Approval, You Become Easily Controlled
Chanakya was known for his ruthless wisdom, and one of his greatest insights was this: “He who seeks approval is easy to manipulate.” Think about it. If someone knows you crave praise, they can shape you. A single word of disapproval can unsettle you. A little flattery can bend you.
You stop making decisions based on what is right and start making them based on what will be approved. True power belongs to those who can stand firm whether they are praised or criticized. A person who is immune to validation is impossible to control. They don’t need permission to exist as they are.
4. Seeking Validation is the Fastest Way to Lose Yourself
At some point, you have to ask: Who am I when no one is watching? Because here’s the harsh truth—if you constantly shape yourself for approval, you will wake up one day as a stranger to yourself. The opinions of others will have pulled you in so many directions that you won’t even know what you believe anymore.
Chanakya believed that wisdom comes from inner clarity, and clarity only comes when you stop looking outward for your sense of self. If you want to be truly free, you have to let go of the need to be admired and instead focus on being anchored—so steady in who you are that no applause or criticism can shake you.
5. You Can Care Without Being Controlled
Now, does this mean you should stop caring entirely? No. But there is a difference between valuing feedback and needing it. Caring is human. But needing validation to feel worthy is self-imposed slavery. The goal is not to become indifferent—it is to become independent.
To reach a point where you can appreciate recognition but are not hungry for it. To where you can hear criticism but are not destroyed by it. That is true self-mastery.
Freedom is an Internal Choice
Chanakya’s wisdom was never about rejection—it was about liberation. The goal is not to resent validation but to stop being chained by it. You will never control how the world sees you. But you can control whether or not you let that define you. So the real question is this: When will you finally stop waiting for the world’s permission to be yourself?
1. People Are Not Thinking About You As Much As You Think
Busy
( Image credit : Pexels )
Chanakya was blunt: “The world does not run on your desires.” Translation? Nobody is keeping track of your wins and failures the way you think they are. That embarrassing moment from years ago? Forgotten. The thing you said in a meeting that felt awkward? Barely noticed. The way your outfit looked slightly off today? No one cared.
We suffer because we assume we are under constant scrutiny, but the reality is, most people are too occupied with their own lives to be focused on ours. The weight of judgment we carry is often imaginary. Once you grasp this, you stop living as if you’re being watched and start living as if you’re free.
2. The Approval You Crave Will Never Be Enough
Yoga
( Image credit : Pexels )
Chanakya warned against attachment—not just to people, but to the need for recognition. Because the moment your happiness depends on validation, you’ve put your peace in someone else’s hands. Let’s say you finally get the praise you’ve been longing for. Does it last? No.
The feeling is fleeting. Soon, you need another round of approval. And another. The cycle never ends. Because external validation is like drinking salt water—it never truly quenches your thirst. A person who chases recognition is like a traveler lost in a desert, running towards mirages. The more they seek, the further peace slips away.
3. When You Need Approval, You Become Easily Controlled
Roses
( Image credit : Pexels )
Chanakya was known for his ruthless wisdom, and one of his greatest insights was this: “He who seeks approval is easy to manipulate.” Think about it. If someone knows you crave praise, they can shape you. A single word of disapproval can unsettle you. A little flattery can bend you.
You stop making decisions based on what is right and start making them based on what will be approved. True power belongs to those who can stand firm whether they are praised or criticized. A person who is immune to validation is impossible to control. They don’t need permission to exist as they are.
4. Seeking Validation is the Fastest Way to Lose Yourself
Chase
( Image credit : Pexels )
At some point, you have to ask: Who am I when no one is watching? Because here’s the harsh truth—if you constantly shape yourself for approval, you will wake up one day as a stranger to yourself. The opinions of others will have pulled you in so many directions that you won’t even know what you believe anymore.
Chanakya believed that wisdom comes from inner clarity, and clarity only comes when you stop looking outward for your sense of self. If you want to be truly free, you have to let go of the need to be admired and instead focus on being anchored—so steady in who you are that no applause or criticism can shake you.
5. You Can Care Without Being Controlled
Free
( Image credit : Pexels )
Now, does this mean you should stop caring entirely? No. But there is a difference between valuing feedback and needing it. Caring is human. But needing validation to feel worthy is self-imposed slavery. The goal is not to become indifferent—it is to become independent.
To reach a point where you can appreciate recognition but are not hungry for it. To where you can hear criticism but are not destroyed by it. That is true self-mastery.