Chanakya Niti: Why Men Test Women When They Feel Insecure

Many women experience this pattern long before they have words for it. A man who once communicated openly begins to behave indirectly. He becomes unpredictable-warm one day, distant the next. He creates situations that feel unnecessary, asks questions that seem loaded, or reacts strongly to small things. When confronted, he often says, “I was just joking,” “I wanted to see how you’d react,” or “I was checking something.”

Chanakya would not be surprised by this at all.

According to Chanakya, insecurity does not express itself honestly. A secure person speaks clearly. An insecure person tests quietly. Chanakya studied human behaviour in courts, families, friendships, and alliances, and he noticed one recurring truth: when people feel unsure of their value or position, they stop communicating directly and start observing reactions instead. Chanakya believed fear that is not acknowledged turns into indirect action. Many men are never taught how to say, “I feel insecure,” “I’m scared of losing you,” or “I don’t feel good enough right now.” Vulnerability feels risky. It feels like loss of control.

So instead of expressing fear, they test. They pull away to see if the woman comes closer. They delay replies to see if she worries. They act emotionally unavailable to check how much she tolerates. These tests are not intentional cruelty; they are workarounds for emotional expression.

Chanakya would say insecurity looks for proof without confession. It wants reassurance without exposure. When a man’s self-worth drops because of career struggles, financial stress, comparison, aging, or feeling overshadowed-he begins doubting his own value. Instead of rebuilding confidence internally, he seeks confirmation externally.

This is when loyalty tests appear. He casually mentions other women. He exaggerates attention he receives. He brings up hypothetical situations: “What would you do if…” He watches reactions closely, not because he doubts the woman’s character, but because he doubts his own worth.

Chanakya warned that people who don’t trust themselves will demand proof from others. Loyalty tests are not about trust; they are about soothing inner instability. Chanakya clearly distinguished leadership from dominance. Leadership is stable. Dominance is insecure. When a woman is confident, articulate, emotionally aware, or independent, an insecure man may start feeling replaceable or unnecessary.

Testing then becomes a power check:
Will she adjust her plans for me?
Will she accept inconsistency?
Will she stay silent to avoid conflict?

If she adapts, his position feels safe again. If she doesn’t, insecurity intensifies. Chanakya would say this is not strength asserting itself-it is fragile authority trying to survive. One of the most overlooked insecurities is the fear of being irrelevant. When a man feels emotionally invisible or unimportant, he may provoke reactions just to feel impactful again.

He starts arguments over small things. He withdraws suddenly. He becomes cold without explanation. Any reaction-anger, pleading, explanation becomes proof that he still matters.

Chanakya observed this pattern clearly: when people don’t feel significant through presence, they seek significance through disturbance. Calm intimacy feels threatening to insecure minds; emotional chaos feels confirming. Chanakya warned that weak character probes limits before crossing them. Insecurity often tests boundaries slowly. Disrespect comes masked as humour. Inconsistency is justified as stress. Emotional neglect is framed as independence.

Each unchallenged test teaches the insecure person how much is allowed. Over time, this becomes less about love and more about control and certainty.

Chanakya would say boundaries are mirrors. They show both parties who is secure and who is afraid of clarity. Chanakya believed courage is required to speak truth plainly. Many men are taught the opposite—to suppress confusion, jealousy, or fear. So instead of talking, they go silent.

Silence becomes the test.
Will she chase?
Will she wait?
Will she blame herself?

The relationship quietly turns into an experiment. Feelings are observed, not shared. Chanakya would argue that silence is often not strength-it is avoidance disguised as calm. Chanakya noticed that people test the most when they are undecided. Insecurity creates hesitation, and hesitation seeks justification. Tests are created to collect evidence.

If she reacts emotionally, it proves she’s “too much.”
If she stays calm, it proves she “doesn’t care enough.”

Either outcome becomes a reason. Chanakya would say these tests are not about understanding the woman—they are about escaping responsibility for one’s own indecision.