Chanakya on Friendships: Why Fools Forgive Too Fast

Manika | Jun 20, 2025, 18:30 IST

I’ve always been the type of person who forgives easily.Someone forgets my birthday? I laugh it off.They break my trust? I rationalize it.They disappear and come back when it’s convenient? I welcome them with open arms.I called it being “mature.” My friends called it being “too nice.” But deep down, I knew—each time I forgave too quickly, a small part of me eroded. It wasn’t peace I felt, it was emotional exhaustion.That’s when I stumbled across a verse from Chanakya Niti:“Don’t trust a person who has broken your trust once. A snake sheds its skin, not its nature.”This hit me harder than any self-help podcast ever did. Because Chanakya doesn’t sugarcoat truth. He doesn’t preach forgiveness without discretion. His lessons on friendship come from a place of strategy, strength, and self-respect.This article is a deep dive into Chanakya’s brutal but brilliant insights on friendship—and why sometimes, holding a grudge isn’t petty. It’s protection.

1. Chanakya Didn’t Romanticize Friendship—He Respected It

We grow up with ideas like “forgive and forget,” or “real friends always find their way back.” But Chanakya viewed life through a lens of rational observation, not emotional idealism.

He believed that friendship is a contract—unwritten, but real. If broken, it deserves scrutiny, not immediate restoration.

Let that sink in. Real friends are revealed not by their words, but their consistency.

2. Forgiveness Without Accountability Is Self-Sabotage

There’s strength in forgiveness—but there’s also stupidity in premature reconciliation. Chanakya’s view? Forgive when it serves justice, not just comfort.

When we forgive too quickly:

We skip lessons the pain was meant to teach us.
We allow patterns to repeat.
We send the message: “It’s okay to hurt me. I’ll let it slide.”

Forgiveness isn’t weakness—but instant forgiveness without changed behavior is.

3. How to “Test” a Friend — Chanakya Style

In Chanakya Niti, he suggests five ways to evaluate a true friend:

In times of poverty
During crisis or war
When you’re accused or shamed
When you’re ill
When you’re on top — yes, success reveals jealous friends

So, if they vanished when you were grieving, went silent when you succeeded, or mocked your pain—maybe you’re not being “kind” by forgiving them. You’re being blind.

4. Forgiveness Can Be Passive Aggression in Disguise

Sometimes we forgive to avoid conflict. Sometimes we do it to look like the bigger person.

But deep down, we carry resentment. That emotional buildup leaks into our future friendships.

Chanakya would call this emotional mismanagement.
His approach? Be upfront. Either rebuild with caution, or walk away with clarity.

5. How to Distance Yourself — Without Guilt or Drama

Chanakya was the king of diplomatic silence. He advised keeping enemies close—but with boundaries.

If you’ve decided someone’s no longer good for you:

You don’t owe them closure.
You don’t need to explain your healing.
You don’t have to remain friends to look “civil.”

Set limits. Be polite. Be distant. Don’t keep burning yourself to keep the friendship warm.

6. But Doesn’t Forgiveness Lead to Peace?

Yes, it does. But peace isn’t the same as access.

You can forgive someone…
…and still choose not to invite them back into your life.
…and still decide they’re not safe to trust.
…and still protect your energy.

7. The Myth of “Unconditional Friendship”

In our culture, we’re taught to be loyal to a fault. But unconditional love without mutual respect is not noble—it’s naive.

Chanakya reminds us:

So if your friend:

Keeps crossing your boundaries
Only comes around when it suits them
Disrespects your time, feelings, or efforts…

…it’s not a betrayal to walk away.
It’s self-defense.

8. What I Wish I Knew Earlier

I used to think setting boundaries meant I was being selfish.
Now I know: Boundaries are what keep friendships real.

I’ve learned to:

Forgive when I’m truly ready—not out of pressure.
Walk away without causing a scene.
Rebuild only when the other person takes accountability.

And honestly? It feels peaceful. Empowering. Like I’ve finally grown up.

Friendship Isn’t About Forever—It’s About Effort

True friendship survives honesty, not just history.

So if you’ve been forgiving too quickly, too often, ask yourself:

Are you healing… or just avoiding?
Are you choosing peace… or fearing conflict?
Are you being a friend to them… while abandoning yourself?

As Chanakya would say:

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Manika