Don’t Like Who You Are? Chanakya Niti On How to Change Yourself Completely
Riya Kumari | May 17, 2025, 23:24 IST
( Image credit : Times Life Bureau )
Let’s be honest. We’ve all had those 3AM mirror moments. The “Who even am I?” crisis, followed by a dramatic decision to become a new person starting tomorrow (or at least after this last pack of Oreos). But change? Real, honest, spine-straightening change? It’s harder than deleting your ex’s number for good. You don’t need to burn your past to become new. You need to understand it. Dissect it. And outgrow it. That’s what true change looks like—and Chanakya knew it centuries ago.
Let’s start with this: Most of us don’t hate who we are. We just quietly wish we were someone else. Someone more stable, more focused, less reactive, less scared. We want to be the version of ourselves that we promised we’d become last New Year’s Eve—between two drinks and a pep talk in the bathroom mirror. But real transformation doesn’t arrive wrapped in motivation or moodboards. It begins in silence. In awareness. And yes, in discomfort. It starts the moment you realize you can’t keep living on auto-pilot, driven by patterns that no longer serve you. That’s where Chanakya comes in. Political mastermind. Sharp thinker. Ruthlessly wise. He wasn’t trying to win followers—he was trying to build empires that lasted. And the first empire, he believed, was the one within. Here’s how he’d tell you to rebuild yourself—without pretending, performing, or posturing.
1. Start with Brutal Honesty
"Before you try to change others, try changing yourself." – Chanakya. We love blaming our environment: bad relationships, toxic workplaces, unsupportive friends. But the hardest question to ask is, “What about me lets this continue?” Change begins with honesty that makes you uncomfortable. The kind that forces you to admit that maybe you weren’t always the victim.
That sometimes, you were the reason things didn’t work out. That your habits, fears, and avoidances are part of the problem. That level of honesty? It stings. But it also liberates. Because when you stop lying to yourself, you stop waiting for life to change on its own. You start becoming the change.
2. Feed Your Inner Life—Or Starve Slowly
"Education is your best friend. An educated person is respected everywhere." Chanakya didn’t mean degrees. He meant wisdom. He meant people who question, observe, reflect. Not scroll endlessly. Not chase noise. Not live numbed by distraction. If your inner world is empty, your outer world will always feel meaningless.
You don’t need to become a scholar. Just become someone who thinks. Who learns. Who reads to understand, not just to impress. Who sits with thoughts instead of fleeing from them. Who treats the mind like a garden—not a dumping ground. Because one day, everything you own can be taken. But what you know? What you are inside? That’s untouchable.
3. You Become Who You Tolerate
"Your surroundings reflect your personality." This isn’t about cutting people off like some self-help cliche. It’s about noticing what your environment allows you to get away with. If you're surrounded by people who applaud your laziness, mock your discipline, or enable your worst instincts, ask yourself—why are you comfortable here?
You don’t have to hate them. Just outgrow them. Protect your energy not like it’s fragile, but like it’s precious. Be where you’re challenged to be better, not just where you're never questioned. The people around you are your future. Choose wisely.
4. Discipline Is the Real Love Language
"Self-discipline defines a person." Most people don’t fail because they’re not capable. They fail because they only act when it’s convenient. But life doesn’t reward potential. It rewards consistency. That’s what Chanakya understood. Talent means nothing if it isn’t directed. Good intentions don’t build anything.
Showing up—especially when no one claps for you—is what creates change. Forget motivation. Build rhythm. Even if it’s small. Even if it’s slow. Let discipline become your quiet revolution. Because the day you can trust yourself to show up no matter how you feel? That’s the day you become free.
5. Let Your Pain Teach You—Not Harden You
"A person’s character is tested during difficulty." Life will hurt you. It already has. The mistake is thinking you need to be untouched by pain to grow. No, the real test is whether pain makes you bitter or better. Whether you shrink to protect yourself—or expand, wiser and wider than before.
Your heartbreaks, your regrets, your losses—they aren’t dead ends. They’re instructions. But only if you listen. Growth doesn’t mean you don’t cry. It means you stop crying over the same thing in the same way. You don’t forget the past. You just stop repeating it.
6. Change Isn’t Loud. It’s Quiet. Constant. Invisible.
Everyone wants a transformation story. But the truth is, change rarely comes with applause. There’s no soundtrack. No montage. You’ll still have your bad days. You’ll still fall back into old habits sometimes. But the difference is—this time, you’ll notice. And that noticing? That’s progress.
Change isn’t about becoming someone new. It’s about becoming someone true. And that doesn’t happen overnight. It happens on random Tuesdays. In small moments. When no one is watching. When you choose differently, even though no one told you to.
One Last Thought
Chanakya never said change was easy. He just said it was necessary. If you don’t like who you are right now, that’s okay. It means you're awake. You’re paying attention. You’ve outgrown your own comfort zone—and that’s where all meaningful life begins. So take the first step. And the next. Quietly, imperfectly, consistently.
Let people say, “You’ve changed.” And let your silence say, “I was supposed to.” Because true transformation isn’t about becoming someone else. It’s about becoming who you were meant to be—before the world told you otherwise.
1. Start with Brutal Honesty
Blame
( Image credit : Pexels )
"Before you try to change others, try changing yourself." – Chanakya. We love blaming our environment: bad relationships, toxic workplaces, unsupportive friends. But the hardest question to ask is, “What about me lets this continue?” Change begins with honesty that makes you uncomfortable. The kind that forces you to admit that maybe you weren’t always the victim.
That sometimes, you were the reason things didn’t work out. That your habits, fears, and avoidances are part of the problem. That level of honesty? It stings. But it also liberates. Because when you stop lying to yourself, you stop waiting for life to change on its own. You start becoming the change.
2. Feed Your Inner Life—Or Starve Slowly
Mindful
( Image credit : Pexels )
"Education is your best friend. An educated person is respected everywhere." Chanakya didn’t mean degrees. He meant wisdom. He meant people who question, observe, reflect. Not scroll endlessly. Not chase noise. Not live numbed by distraction. If your inner world is empty, your outer world will always feel meaningless.
You don’t need to become a scholar. Just become someone who thinks. Who learns. Who reads to understand, not just to impress. Who sits with thoughts instead of fleeing from them. Who treats the mind like a garden—not a dumping ground. Because one day, everything you own can be taken. But what you know? What you are inside? That’s untouchable.
3. You Become Who You Tolerate
Speech
( Image credit : Pexels )
"Your surroundings reflect your personality." This isn’t about cutting people off like some self-help cliche. It’s about noticing what your environment allows you to get away with. If you're surrounded by people who applaud your laziness, mock your discipline, or enable your worst instincts, ask yourself—why are you comfortable here?
You don’t have to hate them. Just outgrow them. Protect your energy not like it’s fragile, but like it’s precious. Be where you’re challenged to be better, not just where you're never questioned. The people around you are your future. Choose wisely.
4. Discipline Is the Real Love Language
Gym
( Image credit : Pexels )
"Self-discipline defines a person." Most people don’t fail because they’re not capable. They fail because they only act when it’s convenient. But life doesn’t reward potential. It rewards consistency. That’s what Chanakya understood. Talent means nothing if it isn’t directed. Good intentions don’t build anything.
Showing up—especially when no one claps for you—is what creates change. Forget motivation. Build rhythm. Even if it’s small. Even if it’s slow. Let discipline become your quiet revolution. Because the day you can trust yourself to show up no matter how you feel? That’s the day you become free.
5. Let Your Pain Teach You—Not Harden You
Journal
( Image credit : Pexels )
"A person’s character is tested during difficulty." Life will hurt you. It already has. The mistake is thinking you need to be untouched by pain to grow. No, the real test is whether pain makes you bitter or better. Whether you shrink to protect yourself—or expand, wiser and wider than before.
Your heartbreaks, your regrets, your losses—they aren’t dead ends. They’re instructions. But only if you listen. Growth doesn’t mean you don’t cry. It means you stop crying over the same thing in the same way. You don’t forget the past. You just stop repeating it.
6. Change Isn’t Loud. It’s Quiet. Constant. Invisible.
Morning run
( Image credit : Pexels )
Everyone wants a transformation story. But the truth is, change rarely comes with applause. There’s no soundtrack. No montage. You’ll still have your bad days. You’ll still fall back into old habits sometimes. But the difference is—this time, you’ll notice. And that noticing? That’s progress.
Change isn’t about becoming someone new. It’s about becoming someone true. And that doesn’t happen overnight. It happens on random Tuesdays. In small moments. When no one is watching. When you choose differently, even though no one told you to.
One Last Thought
Let people say, “You’ve changed.” And let your silence say, “I was supposed to.” Because true transformation isn’t about becoming someone else. It’s about becoming who you were meant to be—before the world told you otherwise.