From IIT to Monk: How Family Conflict Drove Abhay Singh to Leave Everything Behind

"They are your parents in this life. Who knows what they’ll be in the next life?"
— Abhay Singh
Abhay Singh’s decision to leave behind a successful career and promising future in aerospace engineering for a life of spirituality may seem surprising to many. An IIT-Bombay graduate, he had a job offer abroad with a high salary and a comfortable life ahead. But Abhay walked away from it all to pursue inner peace. What could make a person abandon everything most people desire? The answer lies in Abhay’s troubled childhood, growing up in a home filled with emotional chaos, conflict, and confusion. His story is not only about rejecting material success but about how family dynamics shape our perception of the world and influence the decisions we make as adults.

Let’s dive deeper into how a family crisis can affect a child’s perception of reality, using Abhay’s life as a lens to understand the psychological impact of family dysfunction and the life choices that can result.

Abhay grew up in a home where arguments and unresolved conflicts were the norm. He watched his parents’ marriage crumble under the weight of emotional turmoil, leading him to internalize the belief that relationships—especially marriage—only led to pain. As he grew older, this fear of repeating his parents’ patterns made him avoid any form of commitment.

While many children from dysfunctional homes learn to suppress their emotions or become detached, Abhay chose a different path—he rejected the very idea of marriage. This fear of emotional conflict, rooted in his early experiences, became a barrier to forming lasting, healthy relationships. He loved his long-term girlfriend but couldn’t bring himself to take the next step, fearing it would lead to the same emotional instability he had witnessed at home.

This fear of commitment is common in children who grow up in high-conflict homes. They often internalize the belief that love and relationships bring only pain, and this shapes how they engage with others as they get older. Abhay’s decision to walk away from a relationship wasn’t just about avoiding conflict; it was about protecting himself from the emotional trauma he feared.

Abhay’s high-paying job offer abroad was a dream for many. Yet, after years of being exposed to his family’s pursuit of material success, Abhay realized that wealth and status didn’t lead to lasting happiness. He saw his parents continually chase material goals, only to remain emotionally unfulfilled. As he approached adulthood, he realized that material success wasn’t the answer to the deeper void he felt inside.

Rather than pursue wealth, Abhay chose a path that brought him peace—spirituality. He realized that true fulfillment wasn’t in the material world but in self-discovery and inner tranquility. His decision to turn away from a lucrative career and choose spirituality was an attempt to escape the emptiness he saw in his family’s pursuit of wealth.

This realization is not uncommon for those raised in materialistic households. When children grow up in an environment where success is defined by wealth and status, they often internalize these values. However, many eventually realize that external success does not lead to inner peace. Some may struggle with this disillusionment, feeling unfulfilled even after reaching their goals. Abhay’s journey to spirituality was a way for him to break free from this materialistic mindset and find deeper meaning in life.Growing up in a turbulent family environment takes a psychological toll. For Abhay, the constant emotional conflict between his parents left him emotionally exhausted. While some children might bury their feelings or seek unhealthy ways to cope, Abhay chose spirituality as a way to heal. He distanced himself from his family’s dysfunction, finding peace in meditation and self-reflection.
Children raised in high-conflict families often experience heightened levels of anxiety and depression. The constant emotional strain can lead to feelings of insecurity, low self-worth, and difficulty trusting others. Abhay’s decision to leave behind everything he knew and embrace spirituality was his attempt to find healing and peace. However, for many children of dysfunctional families, this emotional weight can manifest in mental health struggles like depression or substance abuse if left unaddressed.

Abhay’s fear of repeating the dysfunctional patterns he witnessed in his parents’ relationship led him to reject the idea of marriage altogether. He internalized the belief that marriage equals conflict, and that led him to choose a life of solitude. His fear of perpetuating the same cycles of pain and emotional instability from his childhood became a barrier to pursuing a traditional life.

This fear of repeating unhealthy family patterns is common among children of dysfunctional families. When children grow up witnessing conflict, they often develop a fear of falling into the same traps. For some, this fear leads them to avoid relationships, while others may find themselves repeating the same patterns they saw growing up. Abhay’s decision to choose a different path—one of solitude and spiritual peace—was his attempt to break free from the cycle he had witnessed. But not everyone in similar circumstances finds the same route to healing. Some may turn to unhealthy behaviors, struggling to break the cycle of dysfunction.

Family crises leave lasting marks on children’s emotional and psychological development. The impact can be both profound and long-lasting. While Abhay chose the path of spirituality to heal, not all children facing similar emotional challenges make such a transformative choice. The following outcomes are common for children raised in high-conflict families:

Abhay’s decision to avoid marriage was a direct result of his fear of emotional intimacy. Many children raised in dysfunctional households develop an avoidant attachment style, making it difficult to trust others or form close relationships. The emotional scars left by their parents’ conflicts often prevent them from seeking healthy emotional connections, leading to loneliness and emotional isolation.
Children who grow up in homes where material wealth is prioritized may become obsessed with success. However, the realization that material wealth doesn’t lead to happiness often leads to a sense of emptiness and unfulfillment. Some, like Abhay, may choose to reject this materialistic mindset, while others may continue to pursue success without addressing their emotional needs, leading to depression or anxiety.
Without the tools to process family trauma, children may develop destructive coping mechanisms such as substance abuse or emotional withdrawal. This unresolved trauma can carry over into adulthood, affecting relationships, career choices, and overall mental health.
For some, like Abhay, spirituality becomes an escape from the emotional chaos they experienced growing up. While this path can lead to healing and self-discovery, not everyone in such situations will take the same route. Some may disengage from life entirely, choosing isolation or unhealthy habits as a way to avoid facing their emotional scars.

Abhay Singh’s journey from IITian to spiritual seeker underscores the profound effect family crises can have on a child’s perception of reality. His story reflects the emotional weight of growing up in a high-conflict household and how it shaped his decisions as an adult. While Abhay found peace through spirituality, not everyone facing similar challenges will make the same choice. Family dysfunction shapes our worldview and guides our decisions in ways we may not even realize. Recognizing the impact of family dynamics can help us break the cycle and choose a path of healing, growth, and emotional well-being.