How to Stop Being a People Pleaser (And Say No Without Guilt) - Chanakya Niti
Riya Kumari | May 22, 2025, 23:57 IST
We’ve all been there. You think being agreeable makes you lovable. But Chanakya says: Nah, babe, it makes you breakfast. If you're too nice, people won't put you on a pedestal—they’ll put you on a plate. And honestly? He’s not wrong. Ever noticed how the more available you are, the more invisible you become? That’s not kindness. That’s emotional Black Friday.
You don’t like saying yes to everything. You just hate the ick that follows saying no. You hate that half-second pause people do when you don’t jump at their request. You hate the “Oh… okay then” that sticks in your brain for three days like emotional chewing gum. You know what else you hate? Yourself. A little bit. Every time you say yes when you didn’t want to. Yeah. That part. See, being a people pleaser isn’t just about being nice. It’s about panic-accepting every task, event, and emotional burden like you’re in a hostage negotiation… except you’re both the hostage and the negotiator. It’s fun! (It’s not.) And while therapy is amazing (go), sometimes what you need is not deep breathing and positive affirmations. Sometimes, you need a dead-serious ancient Indian strategist like Chanakya to knock some sense into your overly available brain.
1. “If I say no, they’ll think I’m selfish.”
Ah yes, the core fear. You don’t want to be seen as difficult. You’d rather die politely than cause inconvenience. You think “setting boundaries” will make people treat you like you just set a house on fire. But Chanakya? He said this: “A person should not be too straightforward. Straight trees are cut first.” So… maybe your constant need to be ‘nice’ is what’s making you feel constantly chopped up inside?
Boom. Adult words. No emotional essay. No performance guilt. You’re not selfish. You’re realistic. The world can adjust.
2. “If I don’t help, something bad will happen.”
You’re not a person. You’re a disaster prevention system. You do emotional damage control before it even happens. You know what everyone needs, before they do. Cute party trick. Very exhausting. Chanakya, being the salty realist he was, said: “Even if a snake is not poisonous, it should pretend to be venomous.” In other words: stop broadcasting your emotional availability 24/7 like a late-night customer service hotline. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.
3. “They’ll be mad if I don’t say yes.”
And what if they are? Will the Earth fall out of orbit? Will they put you on a public billboard titled “Worst Human of the Week”? Spoiler: people who need you to say yes to love you aren’t loving you. They’re leasing you.
Cynical? Maybe. But helpful? Absolutely. Stop thinking that your no ruins relationships. If a single boundary ends it, that wasn’t a relationship—it was a subscription. And it just expired.
4. “But I want to be helpful!”
You’re not evil. You like being supportive. You like that you’re someone people trust. That’s beautiful. But somewhere along the line, being helpful turned into being a 24/7 emotional vending machine. And now your battery’s fried.
People pleasing = doing what you feel forced to do.
Check your body: Did your stomach drop when they asked? Did your chest tighten? That’s your system trying to say no, but your mouth keeps hitting “Reply: YES!” Listen to that tension. It’s not rudeness. It’s truth.
5. “It’s just easier to say yes than explain why not.”
This is a classic. You’re not even scared of their reaction. You’re just tired. You’ve written so many mental scripts for the “perfect” no, it feels easier to ghost yourself than confront one mildly awkward moment. But guess what? You can say no without the 18-slide PowerPoint presentation. “Before you start any work, ask yourself three questions – Why am I doing it? What might the result be? Will I be successful?” — Chanakya, being the OG project manager
You’re not selfish. You’re not rude. You’re not broken. You’re just someone who forgot that you matter just as much as the people you keep trying to save. So next time you get that panicked urge to please, remember this: Saying no doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you a person who’s finally not lying.
And if someone doesn’t like your boundary? Let them leave. You’re not a hotel. You’re a home. And not everyone gets a key.
1. “If I say no, they’ll think I’m selfish.”
No
( Image credit : Pexels )
Ah yes, the core fear. You don’t want to be seen as difficult. You’d rather die politely than cause inconvenience. You think “setting boundaries” will make people treat you like you just set a house on fire. But Chanakya? He said this: “A person should not be too straightforward. Straight trees are cut first.” So… maybe your constant need to be ‘nice’ is what’s making you feel constantly chopped up inside?
- New script:
Boom. Adult words. No emotional essay. No performance guilt. You’re not selfish. You’re realistic. The world can adjust.
2. “If I don’t help, something bad will happen.”
Peace
( Image credit : Pexels )
You’re not a person. You’re a disaster prevention system. You do emotional damage control before it even happens. You know what everyone needs, before they do. Cute party trick. Very exhausting. Chanakya, being the salty realist he was, said: “Even if a snake is not poisonous, it should pretend to be venomous.” In other words: stop broadcasting your emotional availability 24/7 like a late-night customer service hotline. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.
- New mindset:
3. “They’ll be mad if I don’t say yes.”
Boundary
( Image credit : Pexels )
And what if they are? Will the Earth fall out of orbit? Will they put you on a public billboard titled “Worst Human of the Week”? Spoiler: people who need you to say yes to love you aren’t loving you. They’re leasing you.
- Chanakya's take?
Cynical? Maybe. But helpful? Absolutely. Stop thinking that your no ruins relationships. If a single boundary ends it, that wasn’t a relationship—it was a subscription. And it just expired.
4. “But I want to be helpful!”
Donate
( Image credit : Pexels )
You’re not evil. You like being supportive. You like that you’re someone people trust. That’s beautiful. But somewhere along the line, being helpful turned into being a 24/7 emotional vending machine. And now your battery’s fried.
- Let’s clarify:
People pleasing = doing what you feel forced to do.
Check your body: Did your stomach drop when they asked? Did your chest tighten? That’s your system trying to say no, but your mouth keeps hitting “Reply: YES!” Listen to that tension. It’s not rudeness. It’s truth.
5. “It’s just easier to say yes than explain why not.”
Crying
( Image credit : Pexels )
This is a classic. You’re not even scared of their reaction. You’re just tired. You’ve written so many mental scripts for the “perfect” no, it feels easier to ghost yourself than confront one mildly awkward moment. But guess what? You can say no without the 18-slide PowerPoint presentation. “Before you start any work, ask yourself three questions – Why am I doing it? What might the result be? Will I be successful?” — Chanakya, being the OG project manager
- If your reason starts with guilt or fear or “I don’t want them to be mad,” then congratulations: that’s your no. Say it.
Final Scene
And if someone doesn’t like your boundary? Let them leave. You’re not a hotel. You’re a home. And not everyone gets a key.