Indian Parents Raise Sons for Themselves, Daughters for Others – Here’s Why That Needs to Change
Nikita Kanyal | Mar 05, 2025, 23:11 IST
Indian parents unknowingly raise their sons like kings and their daughters like temporary guests, setting up a lifetime of inequality. Sons are pampered, never taught to be independent, while daughters are conditioned to ‘adjust’ and sacrifice for others. But what happens when these daughters become financially and emotionally stronger than the sons? Why are parents left disappointed when their ‘ghar ka chirag’ doesn’t take care of them, while the ‘paraya dhan’ does?
Indian families celebrate the birth of a son like winning the lottery he is the heir, the future, the pride of the household. Daughters? They are raised with the unspoken truth that one day, they will belong to another family. Sons are given privileges, while daughters are trained to adjust. But in a world that is rapidly changing, why is this mindset still so deeply ingrained? And more importantly, what damage is it causing?
The ‘Paraya Dhan’ Syndrome: Daughters as Temporary Guests
From childhood, Indian girls hear one thing over and over: “One day, you will go to your husband’s house.” This seemingly harmless phrase does more damage than we realize. It conditions daughters to see themselves as temporary members of their own families, always preparing for an eventual departure. They are taught to sacrifice, compromise, and prioritize others' happiness over their own.
On the other hand, sons are treated as permanent assets. They are nurtured with the expectation that they will stay with their parents, carry forward the family name, and take care of them in old age. This double standard affects not just individual lives but entire family structures.
How Sons and Daughters Are Raised Differently
Education and Career Priorities: While daughters are encouraged to study, it often comes with a caveat: “Your husband’s family will appreciate an educated wife.” Sons, however, are pushed to achieve financial independence, not for their wives but for themselves and their future role as providers.
Household Responsibilities: Daughters are expected to learn cooking, cleaning, and caretaking because they will need these skills for their in-laws. Sons? They are rarely asked to lift a finger. Even today, in many households, a brother can sit comfortably while his sister serves him food.
Marriage Pressure: A daughter’s marriage is seen as a family’s biggest responsibility. Parents worry about finding the ‘right groom’ and giving a ‘proper send-off.’ Sons, however, are given more freedom to marry late, choose their partner, or sometimes, even refuse marriage altogether without the same societal pressure.
Emotional Bonds: Indian parents are more emotionally invested in their sons because they see them as lifelong companions. This often leads to controlling behavior, where mothers micromanage their sons’ lives even after they marry. Meanwhile, daughters are emotionally distanced because their ‘real home’ is believed to be somewhere else.
This flawed upbringing doesn’t just harm daughters it damages sons too.
Daughters grow up with internalized inferiority, believing their worth lies in being good wives and daughters-in-law rather than independent individuals.
Sons become emotionally dependent on their mothers, struggling to maintain healthy relationships with their wives.
Marriages suffer because men, conditioned to be pampered, expect their wives to ‘serve’ them just like their mothers did.
Parents, in their old age, sometimes realize that their ‘beloved’ sons are unwilling to take care of them, while the ‘outsider’ daughter is the one offering emotional and financial support.
Breaking the Cycle: How Indian Parents Can Change This Narrative
Raise Sons and Daughters Equally: Teach sons basic life skills—cooking, cleaning, and emotional intelligence. Teach daughters to dream beyond marriage and prioritize themselves.
Stop Labeling Daughters as ‘Paraya Dhan’: Your daughter is not a temporary guest. Treat her as an equal member of the family who belongs just as much as your son does.
Don’t Burden Sons with Unrealistic Expectations: Let sons know that they are not obligated to be sole providers or stay at home forever. Raise them to be independent but also responsible partners and parents.
Change the Marriage Mindset: A daughter’s wedding should not be treated as a ‘farewell.’ Encourage equal partnership in marriage rather than a transfer of ownership from one family to another.
Stop Emotional Manipulation: Sons are not your retirement plans, and daughters are not liabilities. Raise them both to be independent individuals who will support you because they want to, not because they were conditioned to do so.
The New Indian Family: A Future Without Gender Bias
The world is changing, and so should Indian parenting. The outdated tradition of treating sons as kings and daughters as guests is slowly being questioned. More parents are now realizing that a child—regardless of gender is their own person, not an asset to be controlled. Imagine a future where daughters are as cherished and permanent in their homes as sons. Imagine a world where sons grow up to be responsible, emotionally mature men who respect women as equals. That future starts with today’s parents.
The change isn’t easy, but it’s necessary. Because a truly progressive society isn’t built on traditions that favor one gender over the otherit’s built on equality, love, and mutual respect.
The ‘Paraya Dhan’ Syndrome: Daughters as Temporary Guests
Paraya Dhan
( Image credit : Pexels )
From childhood, Indian girls hear one thing over and over: “One day, you will go to your husband’s house.” This seemingly harmless phrase does more damage than we realize. It conditions daughters to see themselves as temporary members of their own families, always preparing for an eventual departure. They are taught to sacrifice, compromise, and prioritize others' happiness over their own.
On the other hand, sons are treated as permanent assets. They are nurtured with the expectation that they will stay with their parents, carry forward the family name, and take care of them in old age. This double standard affects not just individual lives but entire family structures.
How Sons and Daughters Are Raised Differently
Raised Differently
( Image credit : Freepik )
Education and Career Priorities: While daughters are encouraged to study, it often comes with a caveat: “Your husband’s family will appreciate an educated wife.” Sons, however, are pushed to achieve financial independence, not for their wives but for themselves and their future role as providers.
Household Responsibilities: Daughters are expected to learn cooking, cleaning, and caretaking because they will need these skills for their in-laws. Sons? They are rarely asked to lift a finger. Even today, in many households, a brother can sit comfortably while his sister serves him food.
Marriage Pressure: A daughter’s marriage is seen as a family’s biggest responsibility. Parents worry about finding the ‘right groom’ and giving a ‘proper send-off.’ Sons, however, are given more freedom to marry late, choose their partner, or sometimes, even refuse marriage altogether without the same societal pressure.
Emotional Bonds: Indian parents are more emotionally invested in their sons because they see them as lifelong companions. This often leads to controlling behavior, where mothers micromanage their sons’ lives even after they marry. Meanwhile, daughters are emotionally distanced because their ‘real home’ is believed to be somewhere else.
The Problem with Raising Sons as Kings and Daughters as Guests
Daughters grow up with internalized inferiority, believing their worth lies in being good wives and daughters-in-law rather than independent individuals.
Sons become emotionally dependent on their mothers, struggling to maintain healthy relationships with their wives.
Marriages suffer because men, conditioned to be pampered, expect their wives to ‘serve’ them just like their mothers did.
Parents, in their old age, sometimes realize that their ‘beloved’ sons are unwilling to take care of them, while the ‘outsider’ daughter is the one offering emotional and financial support.
Breaking the Cycle: How Indian Parents Can Change This Narrative
Breaking the Cycle
( Image credit : Pexels )
Raise Sons and Daughters Equally: Teach sons basic life skills—cooking, cleaning, and emotional intelligence. Teach daughters to dream beyond marriage and prioritize themselves.
Stop Labeling Daughters as ‘Paraya Dhan’: Your daughter is not a temporary guest. Treat her as an equal member of the family who belongs just as much as your son does.
Don’t Burden Sons with Unrealistic Expectations: Let sons know that they are not obligated to be sole providers or stay at home forever. Raise them to be independent but also responsible partners and parents.
Change the Marriage Mindset: A daughter’s wedding should not be treated as a ‘farewell.’ Encourage equal partnership in marriage rather than a transfer of ownership from one family to another.
Stop Emotional Manipulation: Sons are not your retirement plans, and daughters are not liabilities. Raise them both to be independent individuals who will support you because they want to, not because they were conditioned to do so.
The New Indian Family: A Future Without Gender Bias
Future Without Gender Bias
( Image credit : Freepik )
The world is changing, and so should Indian parenting. The outdated tradition of treating sons as kings and daughters as guests is slowly being questioned. More parents are now realizing that a child—regardless of gender is their own person, not an asset to be controlled. Imagine a future where daughters are as cherished and permanent in their homes as sons. Imagine a world where sons grow up to be responsible, emotionally mature men who respect women as equals. That future starts with today’s parents.
The change isn’t easy, but it’s necessary. Because a truly progressive society isn’t built on traditions that favor one gender over the otherit’s built on equality, love, and mutual respect.