If Krishna Taught That True Love Is Selfless, Why Do We Expect Love in Return?

"प्रेम एकं निष्कलंकं, न वाणिज्यं, न अपेक्षा"
(“True love is unstained, neither a trade nor an expectation.”)

Close your eyes for a moment. Imagine a moonlit night on the banks of the Yamuna. The air hums with the melody of Krishna’s flute, a sound so divine that hearts surrender without hesitation. The Gopis, spellbound, leave everything behind—home, honor, even their sense of self—to dance in love’s purest form. No demands. No conditions. Just love.

Yet, in the same world where Krishna's love is celebrated as selfless, we often find ourselves caught in the web of expectations. If love is meant to be unconditional, why does the heart long for it in return?

Let’s dive deep into this paradox and explore what Krishna’s teachings reveal about the eternal dance between giving and receiving love.


Love is not merely an act of giving; it is also an experience of connection. Krishna’s Raas Leela was not about ownership—it was about unity. The Gopis danced in devotion, but they also yearned for Krishna’s presence. Wanting to be loved doesn’t mean we love selfishly; it means we seek to be seen, to be understood, to belong—just as the Gopis longed for Krishna in the stillness of the night.

In human relationships, this yearning manifests as the need for validation and reassurance. Whether it is a lover’s embrace, a friend’s loyalty, or a parent’s acknowledgment, the heart seeks to be cherished in return. The challenge lies in balancing selfless giving with the natural desire for reciprocation.

Additionally, psychology supports the idea that humans have an innate need for love and acceptance, as theorized by Abraham Maslow in his Hierarchy of Needs. Love and belonging are fundamental to our emotional well-being. When we expect love, we are not necessarily being selfish; we are simply seeking fulfillment of a core human need.

In India, Krishna’s love isn’t just mythology; it’s a lived philosophy. Bhakti (devotion) is surrender, but bhav (emotion) is the longing that makes love real. Meera Bai loved Krishna with an undying heart. She expected no worldly return, yet her poetry is filled with aching for his presence. Love, even when selfless, often carries the subtle wish to be felt in return.

Bhakti yoga, as described in the Bhagavad Gita, teaches that true devotion is unconditional. Yet, human nature often struggles to detach from emotional longing. While Krishna teaches us to love without attachment, we must recognize that human love often oscillates between these two forces, making it both divine and deeply personal.

Krishna, in the Bhagavad Gita, speaks of karma yoga—doing without attachment to results. But love itself is a form of action. If we give love without expectation, does that mean we should feel nothing when it is not returned? Perhaps the key lies in Bhagavad Gita 2.47:

"कर्मण्येवाधिकारस्ते मा फलेषु कदाचन।"
(“Your right is to the action alone, never to its fruits.”)

Love, like any action, may be best given freely, but it is human to hope for its return.

This principle of karma yoga suggests that love should be given as an offering rather than a transaction. However, in relationships, the absence of reciprocation can create pain. The balance between giving without expectation and honoring one’s emotional needs is a delicate one. Perhaps the answer lies in detachment—not from love itself, but from the suffering that unfulfilled expectations bring.

Moreover, neuroscience explains that love triggers dopamine and oxytocin in the brain, chemicals associated with pleasure and bonding. This biological response naturally inclines us to seek love in return, reinforcing Krishna’s teachings that detachment requires deep self-awareness.

Krishna never ‘belonged’ to anyone—not to Radha, not to Rukmini, not to Meera. Yet, their love for him was infinite. The struggle of unfulfilled love often comes when we try to possess what is meant to flow freely. But as Krishna’s life teaches, love is not about holding on—it is about letting go and trusting that love, once given, never truly disappears.

Possessiveness in relationships often stems from fear—the fear of losing someone, of being left behind. But Krishna’s love teaches us that love, when pure, does not need chains. Instead, it thrives in freedom. This applies not only to romantic love but also to friendships and family bonds. True love is expansive, not restrictive.

Divine love is unconditional, like the love between Radha and Krishna—a bond unbroken by time or space. But human love is bound by reality, emotions, and needs. Expecting love in return doesn’t make us weak; it makes us human. Krishna’s lesson is not about erasing expectations but about loving in a way that liberates rather than binds.

Psychology suggests that secure attachments lead to healthier relationships. While Krishna’s love remains the highest ideal, human love is inherently imperfect. We must strive to find joy in giving while also acknowledging our need for companionship and appreciation.

A key lesson from Krishna’s life is that selfless love should not come at the cost of one’s self-respect. Draupadi, who had unwavering faith in Krishna, was not passive in her suffering. She called upon Krishna for help when she was wronged, and he responded. Similarly, in relationships, selfless love should not mean tolerating disrespect or neglect. Krishna’s love teaches us that while love can be infinite, it should never come at the expense of one’s dignity.

Spirituality and self-respect are deeply connected. Loving without expectations does not mean allowing oneself to be taken for granted. Instead, Krishna’s wisdom teaches us to love freely but also to walk away when love ceases to be nurturing.

So, should we stop expecting love? Perhaps not. Instead, maybe we should redefine what expectation means—not as a demand, but as a quiet hope, a gentle wish.

In a world that often sees love as a transaction, Krishna’s love story reminds us that love is a gift, not a contract. It is not about measuring how much we receive, but about celebrating the ability to give.

Because in the end, love itself is the greatest fulfillment.