The Real Reason Men Hide Their Feelings? To Impress Other Men
Riya Kumari | May 29, 2025, 23:53 IST
( Image credit : Pexels, Timeslife )
Women are accused of chasing it. Men are quietly fueled by it. And the hypocrisy? Chef’s kiss. I’ve heard it all. “She just wants attention,” he says, while uploading his 8th gym selfie this week, carefully angled to catch the vein in his bicep and the admiration of Brad-from-leg-day. Spoiler: Brad noticed. He even DM’d a flex emoji. But me? I'm the attention-seeker because I wore red lipstick to brunch. Right.
There’s something no one tells you when you start dating men: You’re not the only one he’s trying to impress. In fact, you’re not even first on that list. Because the average guy isn’t just dating you. He’s performing for an invisible panel of other men — men who won’t say “I love you” but will definitely say “bro you down bad” if he texts you back too soon. That’s the real love triangle.
Men want to be respected. But not by the women who actually love them.
They want validation — but from the guys they think might outshine them. Their old teammate. Their gym bro. That dude from work who gets more likes on Instagram. You show up with love, clarity, patience. He shows up with… strategy. Because in his world, feelings aren’t facts. They’re liabilities. Loving a woman deeply? A risk. Being seen loving her? Social suicide. So he keeps it vague. Not because he’s unsure — but because certainty costs status.
When a woman starts to matter, that’s a threat. Now he has something to lose. Worse — he has someone who could make him look “soft.” He doesn’t want to be whipped. He wants to be worshipped — ideally, by other men. She might give him loyalty, love, and effort, but it’s Brad’s respect from the gym that keeps him going.
A man's biggest fear isn’t heartbreak. It’s humiliation — especially in front of other men.
A man will walk into love like it’s a burning building if he’s sure no one’s watching. But the second there’s a crowd — the boys, the bros, the group chat — suddenly he’s emotionally constipated and allergic to commitment. It’s not because he doesn’t care about her. It’s because he cares more about how he looks caring about her. Translation: The relationship isn’t private because he’s mature. It’s private because he’s protecting his social rank.
The “private relationship” excuse is often a lie in disguise. If he cares too much, someone’s going to say, “Bro, you’ve changed.” He’d rather keep her a secret than risk becoming the butt of the joke.
He’ll downplay feelings to avoid looking powerless.
Men are raised to value control. And feelings? Feelings feel like freefall. So when she texts something emotional, he’ll “be chill.” When she asks what they are, he’ll “not want to label it yet.” And when she leaves, he’ll call her crazy — because owning the fact that he messed it up would mean admitting weakness. It's not that he doesn't feel. It's that he doesn’t want those feelings to show up in his public record.
Men are trained to chase admiration. Not connection. They don’t want to be emotionally seen. They want to be emotionally undefeated. Even if they love you — they’d rather die than let anyone think you have the upper hand. So he ghosts you for 3 days. Not because he’s cruel — but because he’s been trained to believe that consistency makes him weak.
Validation from one woman will never be enough if he’s still chasing it from every man around him.
You can love him hard. Support him endlessly. Choose him every single day. But if his sense of masculinity depends on being untouchable, your love is just a threat to his performance. He’ll sabotage intimacy to prove he’s still “the man.” He’ll test how far he can push you — not because he doesn’t value you, but because he wants to see if he still has control.
You ask him to open up? He’s hearing that friend in his head going, “Bro she’s got you wrapped.” So instead of saying “I miss you,” he sends a dry “u good?” Then logs off emotionally for the next 48 hours. You’re confused. He’s proud. That’s how broken the system is.
You can’t out-love his insecurity. That’s his job.
If he sees love as something that makes him lose power, not gain it, then the more you give, the more he’ll pull back. This isn’t about you. It’s about how he defines worth — and whether he values genuine connection more than peer approval.
Until that shifts, he’s not dating you. He’s performing masculinity with you in the background.
He wants love. Badly. But only if he can have it without looking like he wants it. Only if it doesn’t cost him points in a game no one’s even scoring but him. So he fumbles it. He distances. He “keeps it casual.” Not because he doesn’t feel. But because the worst thing a man can be today… is seen trying.
Men want to be respected. But not by the women who actually love them.
Partnership
( Image credit : Pexels )
They want validation — but from the guys they think might outshine them. Their old teammate. Their gym bro. That dude from work who gets more likes on Instagram. You show up with love, clarity, patience. He shows up with… strategy. Because in his world, feelings aren’t facts. They’re liabilities. Loving a woman deeply? A risk. Being seen loving her? Social suicide. So he keeps it vague. Not because he’s unsure — but because certainty costs status.
When a woman starts to matter, that’s a threat. Now he has something to lose. Worse — he has someone who could make him look “soft.” He doesn’t want to be whipped. He wants to be worshipped — ideally, by other men. She might give him loyalty, love, and effort, but it’s Brad’s respect from the gym that keeps him going.
A man's biggest fear isn’t heartbreak. It’s humiliation — especially in front of other men.
Friends
( Image credit : Pexels )
A man will walk into love like it’s a burning building if he’s sure no one’s watching. But the second there’s a crowd — the boys, the bros, the group chat — suddenly he’s emotionally constipated and allergic to commitment. It’s not because he doesn’t care about her. It’s because he cares more about how he looks caring about her. Translation: The relationship isn’t private because he’s mature. It’s private because he’s protecting his social rank.
The “private relationship” excuse is often a lie in disguise. If he cares too much, someone’s going to say, “Bro, you’ve changed.” He’d rather keep her a secret than risk becoming the butt of the joke.
He’ll downplay feelings to avoid looking powerless.
Status
( Image credit : Pexels )
Men are raised to value control. And feelings? Feelings feel like freefall. So when she texts something emotional, he’ll “be chill.” When she asks what they are, he’ll “not want to label it yet.” And when she leaves, he’ll call her crazy — because owning the fact that he messed it up would mean admitting weakness. It's not that he doesn't feel. It's that he doesn’t want those feelings to show up in his public record.
Men are trained to chase admiration. Not connection. They don’t want to be emotionally seen. They want to be emotionally undefeated. Even if they love you — they’d rather die than let anyone think you have the upper hand. So he ghosts you for 3 days. Not because he’s cruel — but because he’s been trained to believe that consistency makes him weak.
Validation from one woman will never be enough if he’s still chasing it from every man around him.
Emotional connection
( Image credit : Pexels )
You can love him hard. Support him endlessly. Choose him every single day. But if his sense of masculinity depends on being untouchable, your love is just a threat to his performance. He’ll sabotage intimacy to prove he’s still “the man.” He’ll test how far he can push you — not because he doesn’t value you, but because he wants to see if he still has control.
You ask him to open up? He’s hearing that friend in his head going, “Bro she’s got you wrapped.” So instead of saying “I miss you,” he sends a dry “u good?” Then logs off emotionally for the next 48 hours. You’re confused. He’s proud. That’s how broken the system is.
You can’t out-love his insecurity. That’s his job.
Masculine
( Image credit : Pexels )
If he sees love as something that makes him lose power, not gain it, then the more you give, the more he’ll pull back. This isn’t about you. It’s about how he defines worth — and whether he values genuine connection more than peer approval.
Until that shifts, he’s not dating you. He’s performing masculinity with you in the background.
He wants love. Badly. But only if he can have it without looking like he wants it. Only if it doesn’t cost him points in a game no one’s even scoring but him. So he fumbles it. He distances. He “keeps it casual.” Not because he doesn’t feel. But because the worst thing a man can be today… is seen trying.