Watch Out: Your Bestie Might Be Your Biggest Secret Hater

Friends are the chosen family, the brunch companions, the midnight rant listeners, and the people who send you memes at 2 a.m. But what happens when that “friend” secretly wants to be the villain in your story? Meet the frenemy—a friend by day, passive-aggressive saboteur by night. They laugh at your jokes a little too hard while secretly hoping you trip in your heels. Sound familiar? Let’s dissect their game plan.


The Classic One-Up Game - You buy a dress, they need a better one. If you’re glowing from a promotion, suddenly they have “big news” that overshadows yours. You’re being you while they’re trying to out-you you. It’s an exhausting game of one-upmanship, where their success isn’t about their growth, but about making sure yours looks small in comparison. It’s not even about them winning—they just need to make sure you don’t stand taller, even if that means lying, exaggerating, or just plain pretending. And the worst part? They’ll act like they didn’t even try. Spoiler: they’ll still fail, but it won’t stop them from trying harder next time.


You say you love backless dresses. Guess who suddenly can’t stop wearing them? You rave about a lipstick shade, and magically, it’s in their cart the next day. It’s not flattery—it’s identity theft with a smile. They want to be your mirror, but the kind that reflects back insecurity and denial. Bonus points if they snag your signature style while pretending they discovered it on their own. They’ve been eyeing your every move, picking up on what you wear, what you buy, and even what you talk about. They’ll never say a word about how they “borrowed” your vibe. It’s like they want to pretend that they’ve independently come up with all these ideas, even though you know they’re just recycling your personality for their own validation. And the more you share, the more they latch on, until it feels like you’re competing with yourself.


A frenemy’s life is a stage, and they’ll try to turn yours into a drama for the applause they so desperately need. Just make sure you’re not playing their script. They need a little chaos to fuel their own ego, which means they’ll do whatever it takes to make sure you don’t have the floor for long. They’ll barge in, trying to make it all about them. They’re the type to slide into your social circle and suddenly want to be besties with all your friends. And it’s not about expanding their social network; it’s about inserting themselves where they don’t belong. Your job? They’ll apply for the same role without putting in half the effort. Bonus points if they flirt with your partner, using that sugar-sweet, out-of-character voice. It’s about validation. They don’t want your boyfriend—they just want to feel like they could have him. And that is next-level petty.


Their weapon of choice? The “just kidding” insult. They’ll nitpick the way you talk, walk, or even breathe, and laugh it off . Mispronounce a word? They’ll remember it longer than your mom remembers your childhood milestones. They’ll “jokingly” bring up that one embarrassing thing you did in front of a crowd. Sis, that’s not a joke. That’s a calculated takedown wrapped in bad comedic timing. What’s worse is they’ll flip the script if you call them out. “I didn’t mean it like that! You’re too sensitive.” Gaslighting 101. Your victories? Ignored. Your missteps? Headlines.


God forbid you hang out with someone else or—gasp—enjoy life without them. Cue the tantrums, guilt trips, and mood swings. These people have an uncanny ability to sniff out what (and who) matters most to you and systematically start tearing it apart. They don’t want you to see through this act. The goal is isolation—keeping you just lonely and confused enough that you start doubting everyone except them. Frenemies don’t want you to have other people—they want you isolated so their fake loyalty feels indispensable.


They’re always in a bad mood, triggered by the smallest things, or mad at you for reasons even Sherlock Holmes couldn’t figure out. Why? Because your light makes their shadows feel deeper. A frenemy loves a good excuse. “I’ve been through so much trauma,” they’ll say after trash-talking you to your crush. “I’m healing,” they’ll whisper after ruining your big moment. And let’s not forget their advice—a frenemy’s guidance is as useful as a flat tire. They’ll tell you your boyfriend’s a red flag while they’re secretly dating a married guy. Or suggest you pass on an amazing job opportunity so they can snatch it up themselves.


Ever noticed how their energy shifts the moment you walk into the room? You enter, and suddenly, they’re grinning at their phone like it’s the funniest text they’ve ever received—even though five seconds ago, they looked like they were reading a user manual for a toaster. It’s all part of the performance. Frenemies are compulsive liars in the pursuit of one thing: making you think they’re happier than you. They’re not actually happy, and they’re not trying to be. Their only satisfaction comes from the illusion that they’re doing better than you. It’s validation through comparison, not genuine joy. They thrive on outshining others, even if it means spinning a web of lies to support their delusion.

To Cut the Cord - Spotting a frenemy is step one; step two is deciding you deserve better. Don’t feed their insecurities by engaging in their drama. Recognize them for what they are: a hot mess of jealousy wrapped in faux friendship. Then, set boundaries. Keep your wins, goals, and even lipstick choices to yourself. Frenemies hate it when you don’t feed their competition. And finally? Don’t engage. Their life is already exhausting enough without you playing along. Remember, real friends celebrate you—they don’t try to be you. Life’s too short for frenemies, so toss them to the curb where they belong. Your light deserves to shine without someone constantly trying to dim it.