The Gita Explains Why You Keep Falling for the Wrong Person
Nidhi | Jun 16, 2025, 21:50 IST
( Image credit : Freepik, Timeslife )
Are you trapped in a cycle of falling for the wrong people — again and again? According to the Bhagavad Gita, it’s not love that’s leading you, but your uncontrolled senses. This article dives deep into ancient wisdom to uncover why your emotional choices keep hurting you, and how self-awareness can set you free. If your heart keeps making the same mistake, the Gita might have the truth you’ve been avoiding.
There’s a quiet ache many carry — the feeling of constantly falling for the wrong person. The pattern repeats: the one who doesn’t choose you back, the one who pulls you in only to leave you hollow, the one who looks perfect but feels off. We call it bad luck, karma, or fate. But what if the real reason is closer — and deeper — than all of that?
The Bhagavad Gita says your heartbreak may not be the result of a cosmic curse — but a misfiring compass within. Your senses crave pleasure. Your mind spins fantasy. Your intellect — your inner guide — gets drowned in the noise. What you call love, the Gita calls delusion born of the senses.
And until you see clearly, you’re not really choosing — you’re being led.
The Gita repeatedly reminds us: the senses (eyes, ears, tongue, skin, nose) are not neutral instruments. They are drawn toward what stimulates them, often beyond what is healthy.
“Senses run behind their objects like a chariot pulled by wild horses.” (Katha Upanishad)
When you feel “attracted” to someone, what’s really happening is that your eyes crave beauty, your ears enjoy their voice, your mind wants the pleasure of their presence. But attraction is not wisdom. The senses don’t ask: Is this person stable? Respectful? Compatible? They only ask: Do I want more of this?
That craving becomes a loop. And then we call that loop “love.”
Once the senses lead us toward someone, the mind forms a desire (kāma). This desire, the Gita says, is the root of all suffering.
“From desire arises anger, from anger comes delusion, from delusion confusion of memory, from confusion of memory the loss of reason, and from loss of reason one is destroyed.”
– Bhagavad Gita 2.62–63
You might meet someone and feel an intense pull. But is that your higher intelligence choosing? No. It’s the mind intoxicated by sensory pleasure. You ignore red flags. You rationalize bad behavior. Because once desire has gripped the mind, the intellect — the power of judgment — weakens.
The moment you start thinking “I need this person to be happy,” you’re in bandhan (bondage). The Gita warns us of rāga (attachment), which turns love into neediness.
“Attachment to the sense objects leads to desire, and from desire springs anger when unfulfilled.”
When love is conditional on receiving attention, affection, or validation, it becomes transactional. You’re no longer relating soul to soul — you’re bargaining between wounds.
And because attachment is addictive, you return to the same type of person — even if they hurt you — because the pattern feels familiar. This is why people often say, “I don’t know why I’m drawn to them — I just am.” The pull is real. But so is the delusion.
The Gita doesn’t use the word “love” in the romantic sense. Instead, it talks of bhakti (devotion), prem (pure love), and atmā-samyama (self-mastery). These are based on stability, not stimulation.
But modern love thrives on emotional drama — high passion, high chaos. The truth is, many people are addicted not to love, but to the chemical cocktail (dopamine, cortisol, adrenaline) that comes from emotional ups and downs.
This is not love, says the Gita. Love is tranquil. It is sattvic — serene, nourishing, and elevating. If your connection leaves you drained, anxious, or constantly guessing — it is likely rajasic or tamasic: driven by ego, not soul.
When heartbreak happens, we think: “I made a mistake. I chose wrong.” But the Gita teaches: You are not the doer. You are the witness.
“He who sees inaction in action and action in inaction is truly wise.”
– Bhagavad Gita 4.18
This means: Observe your patterns. Don’t identify with them. If you keep falling for the same kind of person, don’t just blame them. See the inner program running your choices. That program is often driven by the vasanas (impressions) left from past experiences, karmic debts, or sensory obsessions.
Freedom begins when you stop reacting and start watching.
True love, according to the Gita, does not arise from attraction. It flows from clarity. It is born not in passion, but in equanimity. Krishna calls this sthita-prajna — the person of steady wisdom.
“One whose mind is not disturbed by adversity, who does not crave pleasures, who is free from attachment, fear, and anger, is called a sage of steady wisdom.”
– Bhagavad Gita 2.56
When the senses are calm, the mind is still, and the intellect is sharp — that’s when real love can arise. Because then, you are choosing not from lack, but from fullness. Not from compulsion, but from freedom.
श्रीभगवानुवाच
त्रैगुण्यविषया वेदा निस्त्रैगुण्यो भवार्जुन।
निर्द्वन्द्वो नित्यसत्त्वस्थो निर्योगक्षेम आत्मवान्॥
Bhagavad Gita 2.45
Translation: “O Arjuna, rise above the three modes of material nature. Be free from all dualities, fixed in truth, and anchored in the Self.”
You weren’t cursed to meet the wrong people — you were conditioned to be drawn to them. The senses chase pleasure, the mind creates fantasy, and the intellect — silenced by craving — forgets its duty to guide you home. You think it’s love when someone makes your heart race. But often, it’s just your unresolved self trying to feel whole through another. The Gita doesn’t call this romance — it calls it bondage. True love is not found in the fireworks of emotional highs. It is revealed in the quiet after you’ve stopped mistaking noise for music.
The Bhagavad Gita says your heartbreak may not be the result of a cosmic curse — but a misfiring compass within. Your senses crave pleasure. Your mind spins fantasy. Your intellect — your inner guide — gets drowned in the noise. What you call love, the Gita calls delusion born of the senses.
And until you see clearly, you’re not really choosing — you’re being led.
1. The Senses Are Not Witnesses — They’re Addicts
Observe.
( Image credit : Pexels )
“Senses run behind their objects like a chariot pulled by wild horses.” (Katha Upanishad)
When you feel “attracted” to someone, what’s really happening is that your eyes crave beauty, your ears enjoy their voice, your mind wants the pleasure of their presence. But attraction is not wisdom. The senses don’t ask: Is this person stable? Respectful? Compatible? They only ask: Do I want more of this?
That craving becomes a loop. And then we call that loop “love.”
2. Desire Clouds Discrimination
Free will
( Image credit : Pexels )
“From desire arises anger, from anger comes delusion, from delusion confusion of memory, from confusion of memory the loss of reason, and from loss of reason one is destroyed.”
– Bhagavad Gita 2.62–63
You might meet someone and feel an intense pull. But is that your higher intelligence choosing? No. It’s the mind intoxicated by sensory pleasure. You ignore red flags. You rationalize bad behavior. Because once desire has gripped the mind, the intellect — the power of judgment — weakens.
3. Attachment Is a Prison with Golden Bars
Detachment.
( Image credit : Pexels )
“Attachment to the sense objects leads to desire, and from desire springs anger when unfulfilled.”
When love is conditional on receiving attention, affection, or validation, it becomes transactional. You’re no longer relating soul to soul — you’re bargaining between wounds.
And because attachment is addictive, you return to the same type of person — even if they hurt you — because the pattern feels familiar. This is why people often say, “I don’t know why I’m drawn to them — I just am.” The pull is real. But so is the delusion.
4. You Mistake Emotional Intensity for Love
Attraction
( Image credit : Pexels )
But modern love thrives on emotional drama — high passion, high chaos. The truth is, many people are addicted not to love, but to the chemical cocktail (dopamine, cortisol, adrenaline) that comes from emotional ups and downs.
This is not love, says the Gita. Love is tranquil. It is sattvic — serene, nourishing, and elevating. If your connection leaves you drained, anxious, or constantly guessing — it is likely rajasic or tamasic: driven by ego, not soul.
5. You Think You Are the Doer — Not the Witness
“He who sees inaction in action and action in inaction is truly wise.”
– Bhagavad Gita 4.18
This means: Observe your patterns. Don’t identify with them. If you keep falling for the same kind of person, don’t just blame them. See the inner program running your choices. That program is often driven by the vasanas (impressions) left from past experiences, karmic debts, or sensory obsessions.
Freedom begins when you stop reacting and start watching.
6. Real Love Begins When the Senses Are Silent
Emotional Intimacy
( Image credit : Pexels )
“One whose mind is not disturbed by adversity, who does not crave pleasures, who is free from attachment, fear, and anger, is called a sage of steady wisdom.”
– Bhagavad Gita 2.56
When the senses are calm, the mind is still, and the intellect is sharp — that’s when real love can arise. Because then, you are choosing not from lack, but from fullness. Not from compulsion, but from freedom.
You’re Not in Love — You’re Just Asleep in the Dream of It
त्रैगुण्यविषया वेदा निस्त्रैगुण्यो भवार्जुन।
निर्द्वन्द्वो नित्यसत्त्वस्थो निर्योगक्षेम आत्मवान्॥
Bhagavad Gita 2.45
Translation: “O Arjuna, rise above the three modes of material nature. Be free from all dualities, fixed in truth, and anchored in the Self.”
You weren’t cursed to meet the wrong people — you were conditioned to be drawn to them. The senses chase pleasure, the mind creates fantasy, and the intellect — silenced by craving — forgets its duty to guide you home. You think it’s love when someone makes your heart race. But often, it’s just your unresolved self trying to feel whole through another. The Gita doesn’t call this romance — it calls it bondage. True love is not found in the fireworks of emotional highs. It is revealed in the quiet after you’ve stopped mistaking noise for music.