Why Dowry Is “Tradition” but Alimony Is “Robbery” in India
Riya Kumari | Feb 03, 2025, 13:52 IST
When a woman gives money, she’s a good wife, a respectable daughter-in-law, a sanskaari bahu. But when a woman gets money, she’s a parasite, a leech, a problem. Funny, isn’t it? And now, the topic of alimony comes up. Society clutches its pearls. Why should a man have to pay for a woman who’s no longer in his life? they cry. Excuse me, but wasn’t this the same society that demanded the woman’s family pay the man just to marry her?
Picture this: a grand wedding in India, where the bride’s family arrives with trunks of gold, a shiny new car, and enough home appliances to set up an electronics store. The groom’s family beams, neighbors whisper approvingly, and the groom? Oh, he suddenly finds his wife irresistible. Because love, apparently, is directly proportional to how much cash and consumer goods a bride drags into the marriage.
1. Money One Way? Tradition, The Other? A Scam
If a bride’s family showers the groom’s family with enough cash, gold, furniture, cars, and let’s not forget the ever-essential washing machine, suddenly, she’s a high-value woman. The in-laws beam, the husband is extra loving, and even the neighbors whisper, “Wah, kya sanskaari ladki hai.” But what if she doesn’t bring enough? Well, in many parts of India, the “respect” in the equation vanishes real quick. Mistreatment isn’t just a possibility; it’s practically a script. Women are ignored, controlled, belittled—and in the worst cases, harmed. Because how dare she enter a marriage without paying the entry fee?
. And suddenly, when the topic of alimony comes up—when he has to pay her—there’s outrage. Shock. Scandal. Why should a man “pay for a woman” who’s “no longer in his life”? Oh, but when she was entering his life, her family paying him was a mark of status? Interesting. So let me get this straight—when she enters his life, she has to pay, but when she leaves, she gets nothing?
2. The Art of Selective Outrage
Dahej is celebrated. “A woman’s family showing love,” they call it. “Setting her up for success in her new home.” But let’s not sugarcoat it—she’s literally paying to be treated decently. The more she gives, the more she's valued. The less she brings, the worse she’s treated. If she brings nothing? Let’s not even talk about what happens to some women in those situations. Meanwhile, alimony? That’s a scam, they say. A woman daring to expect financial support from the man who vowed to take care of her? Outrageous! Never mind that she might have left her career to raise his kids, cared for his parents, and basically put her own life on hold for his dreams. Nope. Once the marriage is over, she should just figure it out, right?
And now, at the time of marriage, she should also pay for the privilege of being a wife? Why is she the gift that keeps on giving, but the moment she asks for something in return, everyone loses their minds?
3. The Money Problem: Need vs. Desire
Here’s the funny thing: women need money; men desire money. A woman who’s financially dependent on a toxic husband can’t just walk away—because where does she go? Her parents might refuse to take her back (divorce? what will people say?!), she may not have a job (years spent caregiving don’t translate to instant employment), and she may have kids to support. Meanwhile, a man refusing to pay alimony? That’s not about survival. That’s about not wanting to part with his money. So why is she expected to sacrifice everything—her home, her name, her body, her money—but he shouldn’t have to sacrifice even a fraction of his paycheck post-divorce?
And let’s talk about the kids. He was happy to make them, but gasp—now he has to pay for their needs after divorce? Suddenly, it’s a scam. But when she was expected to spend every waking second raising them for free, that was just...what, her duty?
4. Who Is the Money Really For?
Let’s be real—dahej isn’t for the bride. If it were, wouldn’t she get to keep it? Use it to buy herself a home with her husband? Start a business? Nope. Instead, it’s funding her in-laws’ new car, a plush sofa where his relatives will sit and judge her, a fridge she’ll be expected to stock and clean. The money was never for her. Meanwhile, alimony? That actually is for her. For her to build a life. To survive. To restart. But somehow, that’s the financial exchange that makes people gasp? Funny how a woman giving money is noble, honorable, expected. But a woman receiving money? That’s a scam.
1. Money One Way? Tradition, The Other? A Scam
Gifts
( Image credit : Pexels )
If a bride’s family showers the groom’s family with enough cash, gold, furniture, cars, and let’s not forget the ever-essential washing machine, suddenly, she’s a high-value woman. The in-laws beam, the husband is extra loving, and even the neighbors whisper, “Wah, kya sanskaari ladki hai.” But what if she doesn’t bring enough? Well, in many parts of India, the “respect” in the equation vanishes real quick. Mistreatment isn’t just a possibility; it’s practically a script. Women are ignored, controlled, belittled—and in the worst cases, harmed. Because how dare she enter a marriage without paying the entry fee?
. And suddenly, when the topic of alimony comes up—when he has to pay her—there’s outrage. Shock. Scandal. Why should a man “pay for a woman” who’s “no longer in his life”? Oh, but when she was entering his life, her family paying him was a mark of status? Interesting. So let me get this straight—when she enters his life, she has to pay, but when she leaves, she gets nothing?
2. The Art of Selective Outrage
New home
( Image credit : Pexels )
Dahej is celebrated. “A woman’s family showing love,” they call it. “Setting her up for success in her new home.” But let’s not sugarcoat it—she’s literally paying to be treated decently. The more she gives, the more she's valued. The less she brings, the worse she’s treated. If she brings nothing? Let’s not even talk about what happens to some women in those situations. Meanwhile, alimony? That’s a scam, they say. A woman daring to expect financial support from the man who vowed to take care of her? Outrageous! Never mind that she might have left her career to raise his kids, cared for his parents, and basically put her own life on hold for his dreams. Nope. Once the marriage is over, she should just figure it out, right?
And now, at the time of marriage, she should also pay for the privilege of being a wife? Why is she the gift that keeps on giving, but the moment she asks for something in return, everyone loses their minds?
3. The Money Problem: Need vs. Desire
Rupees
( Image credit : Pexels )
Here’s the funny thing: women need money; men desire money. A woman who’s financially dependent on a toxic husband can’t just walk away—because where does she go? Her parents might refuse to take her back (divorce? what will people say?!), she may not have a job (years spent caregiving don’t translate to instant employment), and she may have kids to support. Meanwhile, a man refusing to pay alimony? That’s not about survival. That’s about not wanting to part with his money. So why is she expected to sacrifice everything—her home, her name, her body, her money—but he shouldn’t have to sacrifice even a fraction of his paycheck post-divorce?
And let’s talk about the kids. He was happy to make them, but gasp—now he has to pay for their needs after divorce? Suddenly, it’s a scam. But when she was expected to spend every waking second raising them for free, that was just...what, her duty?
4. Who Is the Money Really For?
New home
( Image credit : Pexels )
Let’s be real—dahej isn’t for the bride. If it were, wouldn’t she get to keep it? Use it to buy herself a home with her husband? Start a business? Nope. Instead, it’s funding her in-laws’ new car, a plush sofa where his relatives will sit and judge her, a fridge she’ll be expected to stock and clean. The money was never for her. Meanwhile, alimony? That actually is for her. For her to build a life. To survive. To restart. But somehow, that’s the financial exchange that makes people gasp? Funny how a woman giving money is noble, honorable, expected. But a woman receiving money? That’s a scam.