Why You Can't Fix What’s Not Yours to Fix (You Can't Heal Everyone) - Gita Explains
Riya Kumari | May 02, 2025, 00:00 IST
Okay, gather round, my fellow overachievers. You know the drill—you see someone in distress, and, naturally, you think, “I’m going to swoop in like a superhero and save the day.” You know, the classic savior complex we all love to indulge in. But hold your horses, my friend, because, plot twist: You can't fix what's not yours to fix. And by the way, if you've been living under a rock (or, let’s be real, ignoring the Gita for years), the universe might just have a few words of wisdom for you on this one.
Have you ever found yourself standing at the edge of someone else’s emotional cliff, ready to leap in and save them from the fall? It’s instinctive, isn’t it? You see someone struggling—whether it's a friend, family member, or even a stranger—and the reflex is to step in, offer advice, become their emotional lifeline. But what if I told you that not only can’t you fix everything, but it’s not even your job to try? The Gita, that ancient guidebook of wisdom, offers a profound insight into this human tendency to carry others’ burdens as our own. It tells us, quite plainly, that while we are all interconnected, our ability to heal someone else’s wounds is limited. More than that, the act of trying to “fix” someone can often be an illusion, a dangerous distraction from our own path.
1. Focus on Your Own Journey
Krishna, in his conversation with Arjuna, is very clear: do your duty, but do not entangle yourself in the results. We are taught to act, yes. But we are also taught to detach ourselves from the consequences of those actions. Why? Because the moment we start taking on someone else’s emotional weight, we lose sight of our own path. Think about it. When someone comes to you with their pain, their crisis, and you jump in to “save” them, where do you place yourself in that scenario?
You become part of their problem. Their confusion, their chaos, starts to shape your thoughts and actions. You’ve lost your center. The truth is, each of us has a journey, and every person has their own lessons to learn. Trying to walk that path for someone else might make you feel good for a moment, but it’s ultimately a distraction. It’s not your responsibility to smooth out the jagged edges of someone else’s story.
2. The Trap of the “Fixer”
It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that if you can just help people, just fix their problems, you’ll be doing something noble. And sure, it feels good in the moment. But there’s a dangerous assumption buried in that desire to fix things: that you can actually control the outcomes. You can’t. People don’t need you to be their savior. They need you to be a witness to their struggles, a companion on their journey. You don’t need to carry their pain for them.
When you try to, you not only sacrifice your own peace, but you also rob them of the chance to discover their own strength. They need to heal themselves, not through your advice or your efforts, but through their own experience. And yes, that might be tough to watch. But the Gita reminds us: attachment to results causes suffering. If you’re attached to the idea of saving someone, you’re only setting yourself up for frustration. You can’t force someone to heal before they are ready. They need time. They need their own space to grow.
3. Letting Go Without Abandoning
Here’s the crux of the matter: the Gita does not teach us to be indifferent. It does not ask us to abandon others in their time of need. Compassion is still central to the teachings. But there’s a subtle shift in how we practice it. True compassion, as the Gita suggests, is not about swooping in to solve problems. It’s about being present without trying to control. Being present means listening, supporting, and offering advice when it’s asked for—not when you think it’s needed.
It means offering a space for someone to feel their feelings, without rushing them through the process. It’s about trusting that they are capable of handling their own emotional journey, just as you are capable of yours. When you practice this kind of compassion, you free yourself from the heavy burden of trying to control someone else’s healing. And here’s the irony: by letting go of the need to fix, you give that person the most powerful gift of all—the freedom to heal on their own terms.
4. The Freedom of Detachment
Detachment isn’t about coldness or apathy. It’s about letting things flow without your emotional energy getting caught in the current. It’s not about being uninvolved; it’s about knowing where your responsibility ends. When you detach, you recognize that you can love someone, be there for them, but ultimately, their path is their own. And this doesn’t just apply to others—it applies to your own life as well. The Gita teaches that true freedom comes from relinquishing attachment to the outcomes of your actions.
You do your best, and you let go of the rest. The results, good or bad, are not yours to claim. You can’t heal everyone, just as you can’t control everything. Sometimes, the most loving thing you can do is to step back and trust the process. Trust that the people in your life, just like you, have the capacity to heal, to grow, and to find their way.
The Real Power: Knowing When to Let Go
If we are truly honest with ourselves, the hardest part of letting go is the fear. The fear that by stepping back, we might be abandoning someone. But the truth is, letting go is not an act of indifference; it’s an act of deep respect. It’s saying, “I trust you to handle this. I trust you to be your own hero.” It’s hard. It’s messy. But it’s also deeply liberating. When you accept that not everything is yours to fix, you give yourself permission to focus on your own growth. You free up your energy, your heart, and your mind to create the life you want for yourself. And in the process, you allow others to do the same.
So, the next time you feel the urge to dive in and fix someone’s life, remember this: you can be there for them, but you can’t save them. The Gita gently reminds us of the wisdom in knowing where your responsibility ends and where theirs begins. It’s not about being cold. It’s about being real—both with yourself and with others. And perhaps, that’s the greatest gift you can offer.
1. Focus on Your Own Journey
Path
( Image credit : Pexels )
Krishna, in his conversation with Arjuna, is very clear: do your duty, but do not entangle yourself in the results. We are taught to act, yes. But we are also taught to detach ourselves from the consequences of those actions. Why? Because the moment we start taking on someone else’s emotional weight, we lose sight of our own path. Think about it. When someone comes to you with their pain, their crisis, and you jump in to “save” them, where do you place yourself in that scenario?
You become part of their problem. Their confusion, their chaos, starts to shape your thoughts and actions. You’ve lost your center. The truth is, each of us has a journey, and every person has their own lessons to learn. Trying to walk that path for someone else might make you feel good for a moment, but it’s ultimately a distraction. It’s not your responsibility to smooth out the jagged edges of someone else’s story.
2. The Trap of the “Fixer”
Sad
( Image credit : Pexels )
It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that if you can just help people, just fix their problems, you’ll be doing something noble. And sure, it feels good in the moment. But there’s a dangerous assumption buried in that desire to fix things: that you can actually control the outcomes. You can’t. People don’t need you to be their savior. They need you to be a witness to their struggles, a companion on their journey. You don’t need to carry their pain for them.
When you try to, you not only sacrifice your own peace, but you also rob them of the chance to discover their own strength. They need to heal themselves, not through your advice or your efforts, but through their own experience. And yes, that might be tough to watch. But the Gita reminds us: attachment to results causes suffering. If you’re attached to the idea of saving someone, you’re only setting yourself up for frustration. You can’t force someone to heal before they are ready. They need time. They need their own space to grow.
3. Letting Go Without Abandoning
Support
( Image credit : Pexels )
Here’s the crux of the matter: the Gita does not teach us to be indifferent. It does not ask us to abandon others in their time of need. Compassion is still central to the teachings. But there’s a subtle shift in how we practice it. True compassion, as the Gita suggests, is not about swooping in to solve problems. It’s about being present without trying to control. Being present means listening, supporting, and offering advice when it’s asked for—not when you think it’s needed.
It means offering a space for someone to feel their feelings, without rushing them through the process. It’s about trusting that they are capable of handling their own emotional journey, just as you are capable of yours. When you practice this kind of compassion, you free yourself from the heavy burden of trying to control someone else’s healing. And here’s the irony: by letting go of the need to fix, you give that person the most powerful gift of all—the freedom to heal on their own terms.
4. The Freedom of Detachment
Console
( Image credit : Pexels )
Detachment isn’t about coldness or apathy. It’s about letting things flow without your emotional energy getting caught in the current. It’s not about being uninvolved; it’s about knowing where your responsibility ends. When you detach, you recognize that you can love someone, be there for them, but ultimately, their path is their own. And this doesn’t just apply to others—it applies to your own life as well. The Gita teaches that true freedom comes from relinquishing attachment to the outcomes of your actions.
You do your best, and you let go of the rest. The results, good or bad, are not yours to claim. You can’t heal everyone, just as you can’t control everything. Sometimes, the most loving thing you can do is to step back and trust the process. Trust that the people in your life, just like you, have the capacity to heal, to grow, and to find their way.
The Real Power: Knowing When to Let Go
So, the next time you feel the urge to dive in and fix someone’s life, remember this: you can be there for them, but you can’t save them. The Gita gently reminds us of the wisdom in knowing where your responsibility ends and where theirs begins. It’s not about being cold. It’s about being real—both with yourself and with others. And perhaps, that’s the greatest gift you can offer.