5 Friendship Red Flags Chanakya Warns You Not to Ignore
Manika | May 17, 2025, 14:00 IST
( Image credit : Unsplash )
A few months ago, I lost someone as a friend I thought I’d grow old with not in a romantic way, but in that ‘you’re-my-person’ kind of friendship.We shared Spotify playlists, half-eaten Maggi, breakdowns at 3 am, and dreams over chai. It was real—until it wasn’t. Until they started showing up only when they needed something. Until my silence was met with theirs. Until I started making excuses for their behavior.The sad part? I saw the red flags. I just ignored them. Because how do you walk away from someone who once felt like home?And then I stumbled upon Chanakya Niti, and damn…He saw it all coming 2,000 years ago.Here’s what I wish I had read earlier.
Chanakya (also known as Kautilya or Vishnugupta) was a political strategist, economist, and philosopher in ancient India. He authored the Arthashastra and Chanakya Niti, where he gave ruthless yet realistic advice on how to navigate human relationships—including friendships.
According to Chanakya, flattery is dangerous if it's not backed by genuine intentions.
Ever met someone who’s too nice but doesn’t show real effort in the relationship? People who butter you up with compliments but disappear when you need support might be using their charm to cover up their selfish motives.
Remember: Love is shown more in actions than in sweet words.
And believe it or not, his words still hit hard.
It sounds basic, right? But the truth is, this one red flag is most ignored because we over-romanticize friendship.
Ask yourself:
Who stood by you when you failed, cried, or had nothing to offer?
Who disappears when your world crumbles but magically reappears when you’re smiling again?
A true friend doesn’t show up only for the highlight reel. Chanakya emphasized surrounding yourself with people who are emotionally dependable, not just physically present.
Relatable Reality:
You’re not asking for constant attention. You’re just asking for reciprocity. If you’re always the shoulder, but no one’s there when your knees wobble—that’s not friendship, it’s emotional labor.
You crack an exam, get that internship, or just glow differently one day… and your “friend” either downplays it, changes the subject, or suddenly distances themselves?
That’s envy - a friendship killer Chanakya warned us about centuries ago.
True friends cheer louder than you when you win. Fake ones treat your wins like threats.
Relatable Reality:
Ever felt guilty for sharing good news because your friend might feel “lesser”? That’s your gut telling you something’s off.
Chanakya didn’t believe in sugarcoating—and neither should you.
Words spoken in rooms where you’re not present often reveal the true temperature of someone’s loyalty.
Relatable Reality:
You overhear a comment. Someone slips up. Or you just know they’ve been twisting your narrative. Your heart sinks. But you still pretend it’s okay, because you’re scared of confrontation.
But here’s the deal:
Respect is non-negotiable. If someone can joke about your flaws behind your back, they’re not a friend. They’re an actor.
Friendship should feel safe. Vulnerability should be sacred.
But if your emotional breakdowns become gossip, or your deepest insecurities are brought up during arguments—that’s manipulation, not love.
Relatable Reality:
Have they ever thrown something personal at you during a fight?
Used your anxiety, heartbreak, or past trauma as a punchline or guilt trip?
You don’t need someone who wins fights by turning your soul into a weapon.
No, your friend doesn’t have to be perfect. But they also shouldn’t leave you feeling exhausted, anxious, or emotionally depleted after every conversation.
Chanakya was very clear about mental peace. He valued friends who inspire clarity, not chaos.
Relatable Reality:
Ask yourself:
Do you feel lighter or heavier after meeting them?
Do you find yourself overthinking every word, every emoji, every silence?
That’s not friendship. That’s emotional survival.
Chanakya defined an ideal friend as:
Consistent in presence
Happy in your happiness
Sad in your sorrow
Silent about your secrets
Loud in your defense
And honestly, we all deserve at least one person like that.
Nostalgia: "But we’ve been friends since school…"
Fear: "What if I lose them and feel lonelier?"
Hope: "Maybe they’ll change someday."
But remember-length doesn’t define loyalty. And hope doesn’t fix patterns.
Chanakya wasn’t heartless. He just believed in self-respect over self-sabotage.
Here’s how to walk away without burning your soul:
Grieve the loss – Yes, even if the friendship wasn’t healthy.
Be kind, not weak – You can exit with love, not hatred.
Reflect, don’t regret – You did your best with what you knew.
Choose peace over history – It’s okay to outgrow people.
Forgive, but don’t forget – Not for them, but for your own healing.
Friendship is a gift. But it’s not immunity from red flags.
We often tolerate more in friendships than we do in relationships. Why? Because society romanticizes “ride or die” culture. But real friendship is not about suffering in silence. It’s about showing up, growing up, and calling out what feels wrong.
Chanakya wasn’t asking us to walk away from every flaw.
He was asking us to value our own peace enough to choose wisely.
So the next time someone starts dimming your light, remember this ancient voice whispering through time:
According to Chanakya, flattery is dangerous if it's not backed by genuine intentions.
Ever met someone who’s too nice but doesn’t show real effort in the relationship? People who butter you up with compliments but disappear when you need support might be using their charm to cover up their selfish motives.
Remember: Love is shown more in actions than in sweet words.
And believe it or not, his words still hit hard.
Red Flag 1: They Disappear in Your Worst Moments
Ask yourself:
Who stood by you when you failed, cried, or had nothing to offer?
Who disappears when your world crumbles but magically reappears when you’re smiling again?
A true friend doesn’t show up only for the highlight reel. Chanakya emphasized surrounding yourself with people who are emotionally dependable, not just physically present.
Relatable Reality:
You’re not asking for constant attention. You’re just asking for reciprocity. If you’re always the shoulder, but no one’s there when your knees wobble—that’s not friendship, it’s emotional labor.
Red Flag 2: They Compete More Than They Celebrate
That’s envy - a friendship killer Chanakya warned us about centuries ago.
True friends cheer louder than you when you win. Fake ones treat your wins like threats.
Relatable Reality:
Ever felt guilty for sharing good news because your friend might feel “lesser”? That’s your gut telling you something’s off.
Red Flag 3: They Talk Behind Your Back (And You Know It)
Words spoken in rooms where you’re not present often reveal the true temperature of someone’s loyalty.
Relatable Reality:
You overhear a comment. Someone slips up. Or you just know they’ve been twisting your narrative. Your heart sinks. But you still pretend it’s okay, because you’re scared of confrontation.
But here’s the deal:
Respect is non-negotiable. If someone can joke about your flaws behind your back, they’re not a friend. They’re an actor.
Red Flag 4: They Use Your Vulnerabilities as Ammunition
But if your emotional breakdowns become gossip, or your deepest insecurities are brought up during arguments—that’s manipulation, not love.
Relatable Reality:
Have they ever thrown something personal at you during a fight?
Used your anxiety, heartbreak, or past trauma as a punchline or guilt trip?
You don’t need someone who wins fights by turning your soul into a weapon.
Red Flag 5: They Drain You More Than They Heal You
Chanakya was very clear about mental peace. He valued friends who inspire clarity, not chaos.
Relatable Reality:
Ask yourself:
Do you feel lighter or heavier after meeting them?
Do you find yourself overthinking every word, every emoji, every silence?
That’s not friendship. That’s emotional survival.
So... What Does a True Friend Look Like?
Consistent in presence
Happy in your happiness
Sad in your sorrow
Silent about your secrets
Loud in your defense
And honestly, we all deserve at least one person like that.
Why We Ignore These Red Flags (Even When We See Them)
Fear: "What if I lose them and feel lonelier?"
Hope: "Maybe they’ll change someday."
But remember-length doesn’t define loyalty. And hope doesn’t fix patterns.
How to Let Go, Chanakya Style
Here’s how to walk away without burning your soul:
Grieve the loss – Yes, even if the friendship wasn’t healthy.
Be kind, not weak – You can exit with love, not hatred.
Reflect, don’t regret – You did your best with what you knew.
Choose peace over history – It’s okay to outgrow people.
Forgive, but don’t forget – Not for them, but for your own healing.
Chanakya Wasn’t Cold—He Was Clear
We often tolerate more in friendships than we do in relationships. Why? Because society romanticizes “ride or die” culture. But real friendship is not about suffering in silence. It’s about showing up, growing up, and calling out what feels wrong.
Chanakya wasn’t asking us to walk away from every flaw.
He was asking us to value our own peace enough to choose wisely.
So the next time someone starts dimming your light, remember this ancient voice whispering through time: