Arranged Marriage Without Love: Why Many Indian Women Are Quietly Saying Yes

“I said yes… but I wasn’t in love.”This quiet confession echoes across living rooms, beauty parlours, and WhatsApp chats across India. Behind every grand wedding invitation or glitzy mehendi function, there are women—smart, accomplished, and aware—who say yes to marriage not out of romance, but out of resignation.In India, arranged marriages are still the dominant norm. But there's a deeper, often unspoken truth behind many of them: women saying yes without being in love—sometimes even without wanting to. Why? Because sometimes, “no” isn’t an option they feel they can afford.Let’s unpack this complex cultural puzzle.

Indian society, despite all its modern sheen, is still deeply rooted in tradition. Women—no matter how independent—grow up with invisible expectations hovering above them. You're expected to study well, but not outshine your future husband. You're encouraged to work, but not let your career delay “settling down.” And God forbid if you cross 27 and are still unmarried—suddenly, you're a “problem.” In such an environment, many women start feeling cornered. Saying no to a “suitable boy” isn’t always seen as strength. It’s seen as rebellion. And rebellion has consequences—strained family ties, social judgment, or worse, being labelled “too choosy.”
Many women grow up being taught that being agreeable is being good. So when their parents bring up a match, even if they don’t feel a spark, they’re told:
“Love will happen after marriage.”
“He’s earning well, what else do you want?”
“We’ve checked everything—you won’t get a better match.”
Saying yes becomes less about personal choice and more about not disappointing everyone else. The daughter becomes the diplomat, not the decision-maker.
In India, marriage is not just between two people. It’s between two families, two communities, often two castes. There are checklists: salary, family reputation, horoscope match, complexion (yes, still), and age gap.
Love? It rarely makes the top five.For many women, especially in middle-class or conservative families, even voicing the desire to “wait for love” can seem laughable. You're told you’re lucky if the boy doesn’t smoke, drinks only “socially,” and has a government job.
It’s no surprise then that some women silently surrender. They enter marriages not with butterflies, but with bargaining chips.
The emotional consequences are real but rarely talked about. Women who marry without love often report:
A sense of emotional loneliness, even in a house full of people.
Feeling like they’re acting out a role instead of living a life.
Lack of intimacy or emotional connection with their partner.
Suppressed resentment that builds up quietly over the years.
Some cope. Some survive. And some break down—but silently.
Mental health professionals in urban India are increasingly seeing clients who are unhappy in arranged marriages—not because their partners are abusive, but because the spark never existed. And yet, they feel guilty for wanting more.

Some women are given “choices”—a few biodatas, a few meetings, and then the question: “So, what do you think?” But it’s often not an open question. It's a pressure test.If she says no too many times, she’s called difficult. If she says yes too easily, she's naïve.Eventually, she says yes because she’s tired. Not convinced—just tired.And this exhaustion is emotional. It's the fatigue of constantly justifying your right to love, to wait, to want more.
Another common line women hear is: “At least he’s a nice guy.”It’s used like a trump card—as if niceness should automatically erase the absence of love, passion, compatibility, or even basic excitement.
But here's the thing—niceness isn't chemistry. You can respect someone and still not feel romantically drawn to them. But saying that aloud is often seen as shallow, selfish, or “too filmy.”
Guilt plays a massive role in these decisions. Women feel guilty for making their parents wait. Guilty for rejecting matches arranged with love and effort. Guilty for wanting something more than stability. Guilty for wanting what men are often freely allowed: freedom to love.
In the end, guilt quietly overpowers gut instinct. That "yes" at the engagement ceremony? It's often whispered more to tradition than to the groom.
Change isn’t going to come overnight. But it’s beginning to show—through Instagram posts about self-love, YouTube channels busting marriage myths, or urban couples choosing compatibility over caste.
Here’s what can make a difference:
Normalising saying no to arranged matches without guilt. Prioritising compatibility and emotional connection, not just credentials
Encouraging open conversations about love, marriage, and mental health
Educating parents about the difference between pressure and support
Most importantly, teaching young girls that their “yes” should mean “I want to,” not “I have to.”
Saying yes to marriage should feel like a sunrise, not a sacrifice. It should come from hope, not helplessness. And while love may not always be Bollywood-level dramatic, it should at least be present.
Indian women are strong, intelligent, and capable of choosing for themselves. But they need space—and support—to do that. Until then, too many will continue to say “yes” without ever really meaning it.
And that quiet compromise? It deserves to be heard.

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