Can an Indian Bahu Ever Be ‘Good Enough’? The Unfair Burden of Perfection

Sujeet kumar | Feb 21, 2025, 16:53 IST

Highlight of the story: In Indian Society, the ideal bahu of the family scale is very entangled, but there is some basic scale according to expectation of Indian culture that she must be courteous and respect each and every member of the family, irrespective of his/her relationship with her husband. The one who touches the feet and seeks aashirwad from every elder who enters the house is the ideal choice. And also Many expectations, which Indian bahu to have such an extreme weight on the shoulder and to balance them in between Family and Husband.

In the Indian Society, Everyone Wants a Perfect Bahu, But No One Understands Their Burden and Other Responsibility of Their Personal Life, Which They have also Carry on Them with Full dedication, That Are:

A Newly married girl whil

Family Expectations:

1. Adjusting to New Family Dynamics: Adapting to new relationships, customs, and traditions.
2. Managing Household Responsibilities: Taking care of domestic chores, cooking, and other household duties.
3. Caring for In-Laws: Providing emotional and physical support to in-laws, often at the cost of personal freedom.

Societal Pressures:

1. Conforming to Traditional Roles: Meeting societal expectations of a "good" daughter-in-law, wife, and mother.
2. Maintaining Family Honor: Shouldering the responsibility of upholding family reputation and dignity.
3. Managing Family Finances: Often expected to manage household expenses, savings, and investments.

Emotional Burdens:

1. Emotional Labor: Managing emotions, mediating conflicts, and maintaining harmony within the family.
2. Lack of Personal Freedom: Sacrificing personal desires, aspirations, and autonomy for the sake of family responsibilities.
3. Pressure to Produce Heirs: Often expected to bear children, particularly sons, to continue the family lineage.

Financial Burdens:

1. Dowry Expectations: Dealing with dowry demands, either explicitly or implicitly.

2. Financial Dependence: Often relying on husband or in-laws for financial support.

3. Managing Household Expenses: Taking care of daily expenses, saving, and investing for the family.

Mental Health Burdens:

1. Stress and Anxiety: Managing stress, anxiety, and pressure to perform multiple roles.
2. Depression and Isolation: Feeling isolated, depressed, or disconnected from personal interests and passions.
3. Lack of Support System: Often lacking a support system or feeling hesitant to seek help due to societal stigma.

In traditional Indian society, the expectations of Every Indian family to their "BAHU" can be quite high. Some common types of perfection that Indian families may desire in their Bahu:

Physical Perfection:

1. Beauty and Physical Attractiveness: A fair complexion, beautiful features, and a fit physique are often considered essential.
2. Height and Weight: A medium to tall height and a slender figure are often preferred.
3. Hair and Skin: Long, dark hair and clear, glowing skin are considered desirable.

Domestic Perfection:

1. Cooking Skills: The ability to cook a variety of traditional Indian dishes is highly valued.
2. Household Management: Efficient management of household chores, cleaning, and organization is expected.
3. Childcare: The ability to care for children, including education, health, and emotional well-being.

Emotional and Social Perfection:

1. Adjustment and Flexibility: The ability to adjust to new family dynamics, traditions, and values is crucial.
2. Respect and Obedience: Showing respect to elders, in-laws, and husband is considered essential.
3. Social Etiquette: Knowledge of social etiquette, customs, and traditions is expected.

Educational and Professional Perfection:

1. Education: A good education, preferably a degree, is highly valued.
2. Career: A career that complements family responsibilities is often preferred.
3. Financial Management: Basic knowledge of financial management, budgeting, and saving is expected.

Moral and Cultural Perfection:

1. Cultural Values: Adherence to traditional Indian values, customs, and traditions is expected.
2. Moral Character: A strong moral character, honesty, and integrity are highly valued.
3. Spirituality: Some families may expect their DIL to be spiritually inclined and participate in religious activities.

these expectations can vary greatly across different regions, communities, and families in India. Modern Indian families are increasingly adopting more progressive and inclusive values and they will also have to buildup an understanding for newly married girl as their "Bahu".