Childfree by Choice-Why Indian Women Don’t Want Kids and Aren’t Sorry
Riya Kumari | Dec 13, 2024, 14:47 IST
For generations, this has been the deal: A woman’s worth has been measured not by her wit, charm, or ability to Netflix-and-chill while quoting Jane Austen, but by her ability to deliver a baby. If she can’t—or doesn’t want to? Buckle up, because here come the taunts, the cheating accusations, and a lifetime of being treated like she’s a supporting character in a soap opera instead of the lead. It’s not a family; it’s a pressure cooker, and she’s the one expected to keep it from exploding
Picture a newlywed Indian woman—She is smart, ambitious, and newly in love, but before she’s even unpacked her honeymoon suitcase, the family has begun their silent drumroll. “When will we hear the good news?” Cue the raised eyebrows and the endless pressure, like she’s some sort of vending machine for heirs. Insert wedding vows, press B2 for a baby boy. It’s a tradition so ingrained, you’d think the word “wife” came with a warranty for childbearing. Spoiler alert: it doesn’t. The next time someone asks, “When will you have kids?” feel free to smile and say, “When it feels right for ME.” And if that’s never? That’s perfectly fine too.
1. The Good Wife Syndrome
For the longest time, a wife’s worth in India was directly proportional to her ability to reproduce. You could be the CEO of a Fortune 500 company, but if you’re not holding a baby in your Instagram profile picture, the aunties will still ask, “But what about children?” It’s not just a question. It’s a verdict. God forbid you face fertility issues or decide you don’t want kids. That’s when the manipulation Olympics begin. Whispers about your “selfishness”, passive-aggressive comments from the in-laws, and the ever-looming threat of being “cheated on” because, clearly, your only value lies in the family tree you can grow. Here’s a fun fact no one asked for: Pregnancy isn’t a walk in the park and a woman isn’t an incubator.
2. The Post-Baby Aftermath
Oh, you thought childbirth was the hard part? Sweet summer child, let me introduce you to the sequel no one talks about. A woman’s body post-baby is like a battlefield: ripped genitals, sagging skin, low bone density, hair falling out in clumps, teeth that suddenly start playing musical chairs—and let’s not even get into the hormonal rollercoaster. Stretch marks become your new canvas, your body feels like a stranger, self-esteem plummets, and suddenly, your husband thinks you’re “unattractive.” Oh, and the expectation to look 18 again right after pushing out a whole human? Absolutely, super realistic. The expectation that you’ll still sweep the floor, cook dinner, and look grateful while doing it. If you dare ask for help or a break, you’re immediately labeled “unfit” as a wife and mother. Does she get aftercare? Emotional support? A spa day, at least? Nope. Instead, she gets hit with, “Why are you resting? Who will take care of the family?” Umm, I don’t know, maybe you? You’ve got hands, feet, and presumably, a working set of lungs. Use them. Husbands and in-laws conveniently forget that a woman’s body just created and pushed out a human being. No proper pregnancy centers, no postpartum retreats, no support systems. Just didi asking why the rotis are a little burnt and someone muttering that “you used to manage better before.” And yet, men want to blame women for not wanting kids? If you can’t treat a woman with basic dignity during and after childbirth, maybe you don’t deserve kids—or a wife, for that matter. Unsolicited idea: take care of yourself for once.
3. “But It’s Her Duty!” – Mansplaining Motherhood
Some men in India genuinely believe they’re the center of the universe. They get married and immediately start plotting baby names, conveniently forgetting that their wife might have…I don’t know…goals? Dreams? Things she wants to achieve before getting sucked into the vortex of parenthood? Here’s the deal: A woman’s body is not public property. She gets to decide when, how, or if she wants to have a child. If she wants to travel the world, smash her career goals, or just enjoy a few more wine-and-pizza Fridays without worrying about diaper blowouts, that’s her prerogative. And it’s not up for debate. But try telling that to some Indian families. If a woman doesn’t pop out a kid in the first year of marriage, it’s seen as a personal attack on tradition. And heaven forbid she chooses to wait for financial stability, a loving home, or (gasp) her own mental readiness. Because clearly, no one cares about the kid’s well-being. All that matters is checking the “baby” box on some imaginary societal to-do list.
3. Toxic Homes = Parenting Fails
Let’s address the elephant in the room. A lot of households in India aren’t exactly Hallmark commercial material. Toxic in-laws, emotionally unavailable husbands, and constant drama—and you want to bring a child into that? Children aren’t Band-Aids for broken homes. If anything, they’re innocent bystanders who end up carrying lifelong trauma from chaotic environments. You’re not doing anyone a favor by having a child in a home where the only stable thing is the Wi-Fi connection.
3. Raising a Child Is Expensive
If you’re not in a position to give your child a good quality of life, why have one? No, love isn’t enough. And neither is saying, “We’ll manage somehow.” Here’s another truth bomb: Kids are expensive. Like, really expensive. We’re talking more than just an occasional Happy Meal and a backpack from the local market. Raising a child means quality education, medical care, extracurriculars, birthdays, and eventually, college fees that could rival your annual salary.. If you can’t afford to give your kid a good life, maybe—just maybe—you should rethink your priorities before forcing someone else to make sacrifices for it.
4. It’s HER Body. HER Decision
Marriage isn’t some golden ticket to her body, like you’ve won the jackpot at a carnival. It’s a partnership, not a takeover. Loving someone doesn’t mean you get to claim every inch of them like you’re planting a flag on the moon. Her body is hers, always has been, always will be. And the real romance? It’s in respecting that—knowing that every touch, every moment, is hers to choose to share with you. Because love isn’t about ownership; it’s about freedom. And when you honor that, you’re not just a husband—you’re someone worth loving back
5. A Woman’s Life Is HERS to Live
The biggest issue? Society can’t handle a woman who prioritizes herself. If she wants to focus on her career, travel, or just live life on her own terms, she’s immediately labeled selfish. But why is it selfish to want to live the one life you’re given? Men, here’s a thought: If you’re so desperate for a kid, try adopting. Or better yet, explore surrogacy or test-tube babies. Stop putting women through hell for something that is 100% their decision. Stop dragging women through hell because you want to play dad without doing the work. And to the families who only care about the baby and not the woman giving birth: You don’t deserve her. Period.
1. The Good Wife Syndrome
Newborn Baby
For the longest time, a wife’s worth in India was directly proportional to her ability to reproduce. You could be the CEO of a Fortune 500 company, but if you’re not holding a baby in your Instagram profile picture, the aunties will still ask, “But what about children?” It’s not just a question. It’s a verdict. God forbid you face fertility issues or decide you don’t want kids. That’s when the manipulation Olympics begin. Whispers about your “selfishness”, passive-aggressive comments from the in-laws, and the ever-looming threat of being “cheated on” because, clearly, your only value lies in the family tree you can grow. Here’s a fun fact no one asked for: Pregnancy isn’t a walk in the park and a woman isn’t an incubator.
2. The Post-Baby Aftermath
Postpartum
Oh, you thought childbirth was the hard part? Sweet summer child, let me introduce you to the sequel no one talks about. A woman’s body post-baby is like a battlefield: ripped genitals, sagging skin, low bone density, hair falling out in clumps, teeth that suddenly start playing musical chairs—and let’s not even get into the hormonal rollercoaster. Stretch marks become your new canvas, your body feels like a stranger, self-esteem plummets, and suddenly, your husband thinks you’re “unattractive.” Oh, and the expectation to look 18 again right after pushing out a whole human? Absolutely, super realistic. The expectation that you’ll still sweep the floor, cook dinner, and look grateful while doing it. If you dare ask for help or a break, you’re immediately labeled “unfit” as a wife and mother. Does she get aftercare? Emotional support? A spa day, at least? Nope. Instead, she gets hit with, “Why are you resting? Who will take care of the family?” Umm, I don’t know, maybe you? You’ve got hands, feet, and presumably, a working set of lungs. Use them. Husbands and in-laws conveniently forget that a woman’s body just created and pushed out a human being. No proper pregnancy centers, no postpartum retreats, no support systems. Just didi asking why the rotis are a little burnt and someone muttering that “you used to manage better before.” And yet, men want to blame women for not wanting kids? If you can’t treat a woman with basic dignity during and after childbirth, maybe you don’t deserve kids—or a wife, for that matter. Unsolicited idea: take care of yourself for once.
3. “But It’s Her Duty!” – Mansplaining Motherhood
Trip
Some men in India genuinely believe they’re the center of the universe. They get married and immediately start plotting baby names, conveniently forgetting that their wife might have…I don’t know…goals? Dreams? Things she wants to achieve before getting sucked into the vortex of parenthood? Here’s the deal: A woman’s body is not public property. She gets to decide when, how, or if she wants to have a child. If she wants to travel the world, smash her career goals, or just enjoy a few more wine-and-pizza Fridays without worrying about diaper blowouts, that’s her prerogative. And it’s not up for debate. But try telling that to some Indian families. If a woman doesn’t pop out a kid in the first year of marriage, it’s seen as a personal attack on tradition. And heaven forbid she chooses to wait for financial stability, a loving home, or (gasp) her own mental readiness. Because clearly, no one cares about the kid’s well-being. All that matters is checking the “baby” box on some imaginary societal to-do list.
3. Toxic Homes = Parenting Fails
Toxic Family
Let’s address the elephant in the room. A lot of households in India aren’t exactly Hallmark commercial material. Toxic in-laws, emotionally unavailable husbands, and constant drama—and you want to bring a child into that? Children aren’t Band-Aids for broken homes. If anything, they’re innocent bystanders who end up carrying lifelong trauma from chaotic environments. You’re not doing anyone a favor by having a child in a home where the only stable thing is the Wi-Fi connection.
3. Raising a Child Is Expensive
Financial Problems
If you’re not in a position to give your child a good quality of life, why have one? No, love isn’t enough. And neither is saying, “We’ll manage somehow.” Here’s another truth bomb: Kids are expensive. Like, really expensive. We’re talking more than just an occasional Happy Meal and a backpack from the local market. Raising a child means quality education, medical care, extracurriculars, birthdays, and eventually, college fees that could rival your annual salary.. If you can’t afford to give your kid a good life, maybe—just maybe—you should rethink your priorities before forcing someone else to make sacrifices for it.
4. It’s HER Body. HER Decision
Consent
Marriage isn’t some golden ticket to her body, like you’ve won the jackpot at a carnival. It’s a partnership, not a takeover. Loving someone doesn’t mean you get to claim every inch of them like you’re planting a flag on the moon. Her body is hers, always has been, always will be. And the real romance? It’s in respecting that—knowing that every touch, every moment, is hers to choose to share with you. Because love isn’t about ownership; it’s about freedom. And when you honor that, you’re not just a husband—you’re someone worth loving back
5. A Woman’s Life Is HERS to Live
Free
The biggest issue? Society can’t handle a woman who prioritizes herself. If she wants to focus on her career, travel, or just live life on her own terms, she’s immediately labeled selfish. But why is it selfish to want to live the one life you’re given? Men, here’s a thought: If you’re so desperate for a kid, try adopting. Or better yet, explore surrogacy or test-tube babies. Stop putting women through hell for something that is 100% their decision. Stop dragging women through hell because you want to play dad without doing the work. And to the families who only care about the baby and not the woman giving birth: You don’t deserve her. Period.