Dowry Is Accepted, Alimony Is Hated, What Does That Say About Indian Marriage?
Riya Kumari | Aug 26, 2025, 17:19 IST
( Image credit : Unsplash )
Highlight of the story: From the moment a girl is born in India, her future is quietly calculated in gold, silver, and cash. Parents call it “tradition.” Relatives call it “duty.” Society calls it “custom.” And so, when she marries, the money her family gives away is accepted without protest, even dressed as love. But years later, if the same woman asks for alimony after a broken marriage, the same society frowns.
From the day a daughter is born, many Indian families start saving. But those savings are rarely for her education, her freedom, or her independence. They are for her marriage. For the gold, the gifts, the “customary” cash that will one day leave her parents’ home along with her. Strangely, when the same daughter asks for alimony after a failed marriage, society looks at her with contempt. The money that left her parents’ hands silently is called tradition. The money she asks for her survival is called greed. This contrast says more about us than about marriage itself.
Dowry is not questioned because it is woven into rituals. People don’t call it exploitation, they call it custom. It makes parents feel they are doing their duty. It makes the groom’s side feel powerful, entitled. The transaction is dressed as love, as blessings, as tradition.
Alimony, on the other hand, is not wrapped in rituals. It is legal, blunt, written in black and white. It does not disguise power; it exposes it. It forces a man to take financial responsibility for a relationship he once promised to honor. Suddenly, money becomes uncomfortable. Suddenly, responsibility feels like punishment.
The answer lies in control. Dowry shifts wealth from the bride’s family to the groom’s family, it reinforces hierarchy. Alimony, however, does the opposite. It challenges that hierarchy by demanding accountability from the husband, sometimes even after he walks away.
This is why parents willingly drain their savings in the name of tradition but hesitate to support their daughter’s fight for alimony. The first is seen as duty, the second as disgrace.
Marriage in India is still less about companionship and more about transaction. Families think of marriage as a deal, not a partnership. The woman is positioned as a responsibility to be handed over, not an individual with rights.
Dowry suits this system because it strengthens the transaction. Alimony threatens it because it demands that marriage be more than a one-time deal. It asks: if a woman gave her years, her labor, her love, does she not deserve dignity when it ends?
The contradiction between dowry and alimony is not about money. It is about mindset. We glorify sacrifice when it comes from women and demonize security when it is demanded by them. We prefer silent giving over rightful asking. Until this changes, Indian marriage will remain unequal. A woman’s worth will continue to be measured in gold at her wedding and questioned in court when she asks for sustenance.
The question we must ask ourselves is simple: Why is money paid at the start of marriage considered sacred, but money owed at its end considered shameful?
The Comfort of Tradition vs. The Fear of Justice
Alimony, on the other hand, is not wrapped in rituals. It is legal, blunt, written in black and white. It does not disguise power; it exposes it. It forces a man to take financial responsibility for a relationship he once promised to honor. Suddenly, money becomes uncomfortable. Suddenly, responsibility feels like punishment.
Why Does Society Accept One and Resist the Other?
This is why parents willingly drain their savings in the name of tradition but hesitate to support their daughter’s fight for alimony. The first is seen as duty, the second as disgrace.
What It Reveals About Indian Marriage
Dowry suits this system because it strengthens the transaction. Alimony threatens it because it demands that marriage be more than a one-time deal. It asks: if a woman gave her years, her labor, her love, does she not deserve dignity when it ends?
The Deeper Truth
The question we must ask ourselves is simple: Why is money paid at the start of marriage considered sacred, but money owed at its end considered shameful?