How to Get Your Ex Back (Even If They Left You): Chanakya Niti
Riya Kumari | May 06, 2025, 23:34 IST
( Image credit : Times Life Bureau )
Alright, we’ve all been there—wallowing in our feelings, scrolling through their Instagram story (don’t lie), and wondering, “Why did they leave?!” Well, if you’re feeling like you’ve hit rock bottom and maybe you’ve watched The Notebook one too many times, don’t worry. I got you. Today, we’re diving deep into the ancient, rock-solid wisdom of Chanakya, the OG strategist who could probably teach even a romcom lead a thing or two about winning people over (without looking desperate).
It’s funny, isn’t it? How we hold on to things—relationships, memories, pasts. We cling to the hope of rekindling what we once had, forgetting that in doing so, we sometimes lose sight of what’s right in front of us. This isn’t a story about manipulating or chasing someone to come back. No, this is a story about how the key to bringing an ex back might lie in letting go, in understanding the true meaning of control, and in the ancient wisdom of one of the greatest strategists ever—Chanakya. Before we dive into strategies that could bring your ex back, let’s stop for a second. Let’s talk about what it means to really let go, not as a sign of defeat, but as an act of power.
1. The Art of Emotional Detachment: Chanakya’s First Rule
Chanakya’s wisdom isn’t about winning or losing in the conventional sense. It’s about understanding the real essence of emotional detachment. The first thing he teaches us is: emotional attachment clouds judgment. It keeps you bound in a cycle of desires and frustrations. So, ask yourself: why do you want your ex back? Is it because you truly believe that they’re your one true love, or is it because you’ve built a narrative in your mind that your happiness depends on them? True power lies not in clinging to what is past, but in giving yourself the space to move forward—whether or not they are part of it.
Here’s the thing—attachment to someone or something leaves you vulnerable. When you hold on too tightly, you risk suffocating both yourself and the relationship. If they left, it’s likely that something in that dynamic didn’t work, and while the instinct is to want to fix it, wisdom comes from recognizing that not everything is meant to be fixed. Let go. Not in a dramatic way, but in a way that allows you to breathe, to think, and to regain your sense of self. Only then can you understand if there’s a way back, or if it’s time to move forward without them.
2. The Power of Self-Transformation: Become Who You’re Meant to Be
Here’s where the real magic happens. Chanakya’s teachings aren’t about manipulation or grand gestures. They’re about transformation. The kind that happens when you invest in yourself, not because you want to win someone’s approval, but because you realize that you deserve the best version of yourself. When you focus on your growth, your passions, your desires, and your well-being, you don’t just become a person worthy of love, you become someone capable of offering it in the most profound way. Relationships thrive not on expectations or compromises, but on the space for both individuals to grow, evolve, and be their best selves.
If you want your ex back, don’t waste time trying to be who you think they want you to be. Instead, become the person you were always meant to be. When you change, you don’t just show them that you’re worth a second chance; you show yourself that you’ve always been worthy of one. The people around you will notice. And, just maybe, so will your ex. But remember, you’re not doing this for them. You’re doing it for you.
3. Let Action Speak Louder Than Words
We’ve all been there—stuck in the cycle of trying to explain ourselves, pleading for another chance, or justifying our actions. But, if we’re really honest, all of that rarely works. You can’t convince someone to love you. You can’t force someone to change their mind. What you can do, though, is show them a different version of yourself—the one who’s grown, who’s evolved, who’s better off not being defined by a past relationship. Chanakya understood this better than most: don’t just talk. Do. If you’ve learned something from the past, it should show in your actions, in the way you carry yourself, in the way you treat others and, most importantly, in the way you treat yourself.
This isn’t about post-breakup theatrics, it’s about living with integrity, purpose, and grace. Instead of pleading for a second chance, become the person who deserves one. Do it with such quiet confidence that when they see you, they realize that their decision might not have been the right one. But even then, let it not be about regret. Let it be about respect—for yourself and the life you’ve chosen to live.
4. Patience: The Subtle Art of Playing the Long Game
Chanakya didn’t expect results overnight. His strategy was always long-term. He understood that powerful outcomes come from patience, from understanding that every action takes time to yield results. The same applies here. If you’re trying to get your ex back, don’t think of it as a quick fix. Think of it as planting a seed. Change doesn’t happen instantly, and neither does the process of healing or reconciliation.
If they come back, it should be because they see in you the change that you’ve worked hard to achieve—not because you’ve been texting them non-stop, apologizing for things they’ve already forgiven. Your ex might come back because they see your worth from a distance, but only if you’ve given them the space to realize it. Sometimes, the most powerful move is to sit still and let time do its thing.
5. Know Your Worth: The Final Step in Moving On
Ultimately, the best way to get your ex back is to stop needing them to come back. Sounds counterintuitive? Perhaps. But think about it: if your self-worth depends on someone else’s opinion of you, then you’re always going to be playing catch-up. You’ll be on the back foot, desperately trying to win them over.
But if you know your worth—if you understand that you are complete without them—then whether they return or not becomes irrelevant. You’re no longer at their mercy. You’re no longer waiting for validation. And that, in itself, is the most attractive thing you can be.
The Wisdom to Walk Away or Walk Together
In the end, getting your ex back isn’t really about them. It’s about you. It’s about understanding that you can only control yourself, not the other person. Chanakya taught us that the greatest strategy is often one of non-action. So, let go. Transform. Act with integrity. Be patient. And most importantly, know that your worth is not defined by anyone else’s presence—or absence—in your life.
The journey to winning someone back is also the journey to winning yourself over. And that, my friend, is the only victory that truly matters. Whether they come back or not is a choice that belongs to them. But who you become in the process? That’s something only you control.
1. The Art of Emotional Detachment: Chanakya’s First Rule
Let go
( Image credit : Pexels )
Chanakya’s wisdom isn’t about winning or losing in the conventional sense. It’s about understanding the real essence of emotional detachment. The first thing he teaches us is: emotional attachment clouds judgment. It keeps you bound in a cycle of desires and frustrations. So, ask yourself: why do you want your ex back? Is it because you truly believe that they’re your one true love, or is it because you’ve built a narrative in your mind that your happiness depends on them? True power lies not in clinging to what is past, but in giving yourself the space to move forward—whether or not they are part of it.
Here’s the thing—attachment to someone or something leaves you vulnerable. When you hold on too tightly, you risk suffocating both yourself and the relationship. If they left, it’s likely that something in that dynamic didn’t work, and while the instinct is to want to fix it, wisdom comes from recognizing that not everything is meant to be fixed. Let go. Not in a dramatic way, but in a way that allows you to breathe, to think, and to regain your sense of self. Only then can you understand if there’s a way back, or if it’s time to move forward without them.
2. The Power of Self-Transformation: Become Who You’re Meant to Be
Makeup
( Image credit : Pexels )
Here’s where the real magic happens. Chanakya’s teachings aren’t about manipulation or grand gestures. They’re about transformation. The kind that happens when you invest in yourself, not because you want to win someone’s approval, but because you realize that you deserve the best version of yourself. When you focus on your growth, your passions, your desires, and your well-being, you don’t just become a person worthy of love, you become someone capable of offering it in the most profound way. Relationships thrive not on expectations or compromises, but on the space for both individuals to grow, evolve, and be their best selves.
If you want your ex back, don’t waste time trying to be who you think they want you to be. Instead, become the person you were always meant to be. When you change, you don’t just show them that you’re worth a second chance; you show yourself that you’ve always been worthy of one. The people around you will notice. And, just maybe, so will your ex. But remember, you’re not doing this for them. You’re doing it for you.
3. Let Action Speak Louder Than Words
Working woman
( Image credit : Pexels )
We’ve all been there—stuck in the cycle of trying to explain ourselves, pleading for another chance, or justifying our actions. But, if we’re really honest, all of that rarely works. You can’t convince someone to love you. You can’t force someone to change their mind. What you can do, though, is show them a different version of yourself—the one who’s grown, who’s evolved, who’s better off not being defined by a past relationship. Chanakya understood this better than most: don’t just talk. Do. If you’ve learned something from the past, it should show in your actions, in the way you carry yourself, in the way you treat others and, most importantly, in the way you treat yourself.
This isn’t about post-breakup theatrics, it’s about living with integrity, purpose, and grace. Instead of pleading for a second chance, become the person who deserves one. Do it with such quiet confidence that when they see you, they realize that their decision might not have been the right one. But even then, let it not be about regret. Let it be about respect—for yourself and the life you’ve chosen to live.
4. Patience: The Subtle Art of Playing the Long Game
Time
( Image credit : Pexels )
Chanakya didn’t expect results overnight. His strategy was always long-term. He understood that powerful outcomes come from patience, from understanding that every action takes time to yield results. The same applies here. If you’re trying to get your ex back, don’t think of it as a quick fix. Think of it as planting a seed. Change doesn’t happen instantly, and neither does the process of healing or reconciliation.
If they come back, it should be because they see in you the change that you’ve worked hard to achieve—not because you’ve been texting them non-stop, apologizing for things they’ve already forgiven. Your ex might come back because they see your worth from a distance, but only if you’ve given them the space to realize it. Sometimes, the most powerful move is to sit still and let time do its thing.
5. Know Your Worth: The Final Step in Moving On
Self love
( Image credit : Pexels )
Ultimately, the best way to get your ex back is to stop needing them to come back. Sounds counterintuitive? Perhaps. But think about it: if your self-worth depends on someone else’s opinion of you, then you’re always going to be playing catch-up. You’ll be on the back foot, desperately trying to win them over.
But if you know your worth—if you understand that you are complete without them—then whether they return or not becomes irrelevant. You’re no longer at their mercy. You’re no longer waiting for validation. And that, in itself, is the most attractive thing you can be.
The Wisdom to Walk Away or Walk Together
The journey to winning someone back is also the journey to winning yourself over. And that, my friend, is the only victory that truly matters. Whether they come back or not is a choice that belongs to them. But who you become in the process? That’s something only you control.