Looking for a Soulmate? The Gita Says Look at Yourself First
Riya Kumari | Jun 26, 2025, 23:54 IST
( Image credit : Times Life Bureau, Timeslife )
So here’s the deal: You’re swiping. You’re sipping overpriced coffee with someone who says “vibing” unironically. You’re reading your horoscope and wondering if Mercury retrograde is why Ajay from Bumble stopped texting. And somewhere in this delicious, messy chaos of modern love, you think—maybe it’s time I meet my soulmate.
We spend so much time trying to figure other people out. Do they like me? Are they emotionally available? Did they mean what they said, or were they just being polite? It’s exhausting. But somewhere beneath the overthinking, the hoping, the endless texting and deleting and rewriting... is a quieter question. Who am I showing up as in love? The Bhagavad Gita doesn’t give dating advice in the modern sense. No texting etiquette. No tips on reading body language. But what it does offer—if you’re really paying attention—is something deeper. A mirror. A challenge. A call to stop looking outward for love and start looking inward for truth.
You don’t find a soulmate by searching. You become one
We want someone to understand us. To stay. To choose us, even on our worst days. But here’s a difficult truth: If we haven’t learned how to sit with our own inner chaos, how can we expect someone else to hold it for us? Krishna, in the Gita, speaks not about finding a person—but about finding the Self. The Atman.
That unshakeable part of you beneath the ego, beneath the performance, beneath the pain. Until you make peace with that Self, every relationship will carry the same ache: Why don’t they make me feel whole? And the answer is: Because they’re not supposed to.
Real connection requires real clarity
The Gita describes the wise one as “unmoved by sorrow, untouched by joy”—not numb, but steady. This isn’t indifference. It’s maturity. It’s what love looks like when it stops being a transaction and becomes a choice. Most people don’t leave because you’re “too much.” They leave because you expect them to fix what they didn’t break.
When you’re anchored in your truth, you don’t beg to be seen. You simply are. And that presence—quiet, grounded, full—is what magnetizes real love.
Your longing is sacred. Don’t waste it on people who aren’t listening
It’s easy to laugh off our desire for connection. To pretend we’re too busy, too independent, too “chill” to need anything. But the Gita doesn’t shame longing. It elevates it. Desire, when misdirected, becomes restlessness. But desire, when understood, becomes fuel for transformation.
So if you’re aching to be understood, to be chosen—don’t silence that. Just ask yourself: Am I looking for someone to rescue me, or to walk beside me as I grow? Because one is fantasy. The other is love.
Stop trying to be “enough” for them. Be honest with yourself first
If we’re honest, most of us are performing. We shape-shift, soften, shrink—just enough to be liked. But the Gita isn’t interested in performance. It’s about alignment.
What does your soul want?
What does your heart know?
And can you stay true to that—even if it means walking away from someone who seems perfect but doesn't feel right?
The right person won’t need a version of you. They’ll want the whole truth. And if that scares you, maybe it’s time to stop chasing love and start healing what taught you to fear being fully seen. The soulmate you seek might not be a person. It might be peace. We think love will come and make everything make sense.
But the Gita teaches something braver:
"He who has conquered himself is a friend to himself."
You are not half a heart waiting to be completed. You are not broken. You are becoming. And when you finally meet someone who also knows who they are—not perfect, but self-aware, intentional, growing—
you won’t need to lose yourself to keep them. You’ll recognize them not by the butterflies, but by the silence inside you that says, “I can be fully me here.”
So maybe don’t ask, “Where’s my soulmate?”
Ask: What parts of me have I abandoned that are still waiting to be found?
Because the moment you come home to yourself, love doesn’t need to be searched for. It finds you. It always does.
You don’t find a soulmate by searching. You become one
Become
( Image credit : Pexels )
We want someone to understand us. To stay. To choose us, even on our worst days. But here’s a difficult truth: If we haven’t learned how to sit with our own inner chaos, how can we expect someone else to hold it for us? Krishna, in the Gita, speaks not about finding a person—but about finding the Self. The Atman.
That unshakeable part of you beneath the ego, beneath the performance, beneath the pain. Until you make peace with that Self, every relationship will carry the same ache: Why don’t they make me feel whole? And the answer is: Because they’re not supposed to.
Real connection requires real clarity
Journal
( Image credit : Pexels )
The Gita describes the wise one as “unmoved by sorrow, untouched by joy”—not numb, but steady. This isn’t indifference. It’s maturity. It’s what love looks like when it stops being a transaction and becomes a choice. Most people don’t leave because you’re “too much.” They leave because you expect them to fix what they didn’t break.
When you’re anchored in your truth, you don’t beg to be seen. You simply are. And that presence—quiet, grounded, full—is what magnetizes real love.
Your longing is sacred. Don’t waste it on people who aren’t listening
Mindful
( Image credit : Pexels )
It’s easy to laugh off our desire for connection. To pretend we’re too busy, too independent, too “chill” to need anything. But the Gita doesn’t shame longing. It elevates it. Desire, when misdirected, becomes restlessness. But desire, when understood, becomes fuel for transformation.
So if you’re aching to be understood, to be chosen—don’t silence that. Just ask yourself: Am I looking for someone to rescue me, or to walk beside me as I grow? Because one is fantasy. The other is love.
Stop trying to be “enough” for them. Be honest with yourself first
Performance
( Image credit : Pexels )
If we’re honest, most of us are performing. We shape-shift, soften, shrink—just enough to be liked. But the Gita isn’t interested in performance. It’s about alignment.
What does your soul want?
What does your heart know?
And can you stay true to that—even if it means walking away from someone who seems perfect but doesn't feel right?
The right person won’t need a version of you. They’ll want the whole truth. And if that scares you, maybe it’s time to stop chasing love and start healing what taught you to fear being fully seen. The soulmate you seek might not be a person. It might be peace. We think love will come and make everything make sense.
But the Gita teaches something braver:
You are not half a heart waiting to be completed. You are not broken. You are becoming. And when you finally meet someone who also knows who they are—not perfect, but self-aware, intentional, growing—
you won’t need to lose yourself to keep them. You’ll recognize them not by the butterflies, but by the silence inside you that says, “I can be fully me here.”
So maybe don’t ask, “Where’s my soulmate?”
Ask: What parts of me have I abandoned that are still waiting to be found?
Because the moment you come home to yourself, love doesn’t need to be searched for. It finds you. It always does.