Parental Gaslighting: What It Is and How It Affects Children

Have you ever heard a parent say something like, “You’re just imagining things” or “Stop being so sensitive”? On the surface, these might seem like harmless comments, but when this kind of behavior happens repeatedly, it can be harmful.
This is called parental gaslighting—when a parent denies or invalidates their child’s feelings, memories, or experiences. It can leave children confused and unsure about their emotions or even reality itself.
It’s not always easy to spot, but it often sounds like:
“That never happened; you’re making it up.”
“Stop being dramatic; it wasn’t a big deal.”
“You’re upset for no reason. Just get over it.”
Over time, these dismissive comments can make a child question their feelings and memories. Imagine being told your sadness or frustration isn’t real—how confusing and lonely would that feel?
When kids are constantly told their emotions don’t matter, they begin to think, Maybe I’m overreacting, or Maybe I’m wrong to feel this way.
Hearing “That’s not what happened” over and over makes kids question their own memories and instincts. It’s like having an internal voice that says, You can’t trust yourself.
Living in an environment where your feelings are dismissed can make kids walk on eggshells. They start overthinking everything, trying to avoid conflict or criticism.
Gaslit children grow up not knowing how to say “no” or stand up for themselves. They’re so used to having their reality dismissed that they feel guilty or unsure about their own needs.
When trust is broken early in life, it’s hard to build it back. These children may struggle to trust others or constantly seek validation in relationships.

A child tells their parent, “You hurt my feelings when you shouted,” and the parent responds, “I didn’t shout. Stop being so sensitive.”
The child recalls an event, and the parent says, “That’s not what happened—you’re remembering it wrong.”
The child expresses frustration, and the parent says, “You’re always overreacting. You need to toughen up.”
Hearing these kinds of responses repeatedly teaches the child to suppress their emotions and doubt their own experiences.
The first step is understanding that gaslighting happened to you. It’s okay to feel hurt or confused about it. Your feelings are real.
Whether it’s a friend, a therapist, or a support group, sharing your experience can help you make sense of it. Therapy, in particular, can provide tools to rebuild self-confidence.
If the gaslighting still happens, try saying, “I hear what you’re saying, but this is how I feel, and it matters to me.” It’s hard, but standing firm can help you regain your voice.
Start small: write down how you’re feeling each day or talk about your emotions with someone you trust. Over time, this can help you rebuild your ability to trust yourself.
If you’re a parent, be mindful of how you communicate with your kids. Instead of dismissing their feelings, try saying, “I hear you. Let’s talk about it.” This small shift can make a world of difference.
Parental gaslighting isn’t always intentional—sometimes parents repeat patterns they learned growing up. But its impact is real and lasting. Talking about it helps break the silence and creates space for healing.
If you’ve experienced this, know that you’re not alone, and it’s not your fault. With time and effort, you can learn to trust yourself again and create healthier relationships.

Every child deserves to feel heard and valued—and it’s never too late to give that gift to yourself.