Respect Doesn’t Mean Obedience: The Untold Story of Every Indian Child
Nidhi | Feb 04, 2025, 00:01 IST
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This article challenges the traditional view that respect in Indian families means blind obedience. It explores the emotional conflict many children face when their personal dreams clash with family expectations. By examining the importance of individuality, open dialogue, and mutual understanding, the article highlights how respect can be redefined to support both family values and personal growth. It aims to inspire a healthier balance where children can honor their heritage without sacrificing their aspirations.
What if the greatest act of respect wasn’t blind obedience, but the courage to think for yourself? What if choosing your own path didn’t mean betraying your parents, but honoring the life they gave you?
For generations, Indian children have been raised to believe that obedience is the ultimate measure of respect. That a “good” son or daughter is one who listens, complies, and never questions. But where does that leave individuality? Where does that leave dreams that don’t fit within the carefully crafted blueprint of tradition?
The reality is, love and respect should not come at the cost of losing oneself. But in a culture where questioning parents is often seen as rebellion, many children grow up feeling torn—guilty for wanting something different, ashamed for making choices that don’t align with their family’s expectations, and fearful of being labeled as ungrateful.
This isn’t about defiance. It’s about the right to exist as a person beyond just being someone’s child.
In many cultures, respect has been synonymous with obedience. The “good” child is the one who listens, follows, and never challenges. But what if respect can exist without blind compliance?
Respect is about valuing someone’s wisdom and experiences, while obedience is about following instructions without questioning. While there are times when obedience is necessary, equating it with respect doesn’t always work. It creates a world where a person who chooses their own path may be seen as ungrateful or even disrespectful.
Have you ever hidden something from your loved ones because you feared their disapproval? Whether it’s about your career, relationships, or life choices, that feeling of guilt can be overwhelming. You may ask yourself, “Am I letting them down?”
The truth is, many people don’t act against their family’s wishes out of disrespect. Often, they do it to protect themselves, knowing that being honest could lead to disappointment, arguments, or emotional distress. It’s easier to hide parts of yourself than to explain why your choices are important to you. Over time, these small lies can strain relationships and lead to a foundation built on misunderstandings.
Parents often believe they know what’s best for their children. Their advice is shaped by their experiences and struggles, and while they offer valuable insights, their children may be growing up in a different world.
Take a look at 3 Idiots, where Farhan dreams of becoming a wildlife photographer, but his father pushes him toward engineering, believing it offers stability. His father’s love is real, but it’s based on the hope that his child will avoid the struggles he faced. Farhan’s story isn’t about defiance; it’s about finding his own voice in a world that looks different from his father’s.
Parents’ intentions come from love, but that doesn’t always mean they know what’s best for their children. Sometimes, a child’s dream may not align with what their parents envision, and that’s okay.
In many families, there’s a silent rule: You don’t openly disagree with your parents. If you do, you risk being labeled as disrespectful or “too modern.” This makes it hard to have open conversations about who we really are and what we truly want.
How do you explain that your goals, your dreams, and your choices don’t mean rejecting the love and values your parents gave you? How do you communicate that pursuing something different doesn’t mean you don’t care about them? The moment you speak up, you may feel like you’ve crossed an invisible line.
One common misconception is that enjoyment and responsibility can’t go hand in hand. Often, we’re told to focus only on work or duty, and that taking time to enjoy life is irresponsible.
But why must we earn happiness through struggle? Why is joy seen as something that should be postponed for later? Why should we feel guilty about taking time to enjoy life—whether that’s spending time with friends, pursuing hobbies, or simply making memories?
Happiness isn’t a reward for fulfilling duties; it’s part of life, right here and right now. Living with joy and responsibility is not only possible, it’s necessary for a balanced life.
The answer to the dilemma isn’t rebellion nor blind obedience, but open dialogue. Understanding each other’s perspectives—without judgment—is key to moving forward.
Respecting your parents doesn’t mean living solely for them. It doesn’t mean sacrificing your happiness to maintain peace, and it certainly doesn’t mean loving them any less if you choose a different path.
True respect is about a relationship where both sides feel heard, valued, and understood. The next time you feel guilty for making a choice that doesn’t match your parents’ expectations, remember this: your life is yours to live. You can love your parents, respect them, but also remember to respect yourself.
For generations, Indian children have been raised to believe that obedience is the ultimate measure of respect. That a “good” son or daughter is one who listens, complies, and never questions. But where does that leave individuality? Where does that leave dreams that don’t fit within the carefully crafted blueprint of tradition?
The reality is, love and respect should not come at the cost of losing oneself. But in a culture where questioning parents is often seen as rebellion, many children grow up feeling torn—guilty for wanting something different, ashamed for making choices that don’t align with their family’s expectations, and fearful of being labeled as ungrateful.
This isn’t about defiance. It’s about the right to exist as a person beyond just being someone’s child.
Redefining Respect: It’s Not Just About Obedience
Parents Consoling Her Child
( Image credit : Pexels )
Respect is about valuing someone’s wisdom and experiences, while obedience is about following instructions without questioning. While there are times when obedience is necessary, equating it with respect doesn’t always work. It creates a world where a person who chooses their own path may be seen as ungrateful or even disrespectful.
The Guilt of Wanting Something Different
Feeling Sad if not Obeying Parents
( Image credit : Pexels )
Have you ever hidden something from your loved ones because you feared their disapproval? Whether it’s about your career, relationships, or life choices, that feeling of guilt can be overwhelming. You may ask yourself, “Am I letting them down?”
The truth is, many people don’t act against their family’s wishes out of disrespect. Often, they do it to protect themselves, knowing that being honest could lead to disappointment, arguments, or emotional distress. It’s easier to hide parts of yourself than to explain why your choices are important to you. Over time, these small lies can strain relationships and lead to a foundation built on misunderstandings.
The Tension Between Dreams and Expectations
Having Fun with Friends
( Image credit : Pexels )
Parents often believe they know what’s best for their children. Their advice is shaped by their experiences and struggles, and while they offer valuable insights, their children may be growing up in a different world.
Take a look at 3 Idiots, where Farhan dreams of becoming a wildlife photographer, but his father pushes him toward engineering, believing it offers stability. His father’s love is real, but it’s based on the hope that his child will avoid the struggles he faced. Farhan’s story isn’t about defiance; it’s about finding his own voice in a world that looks different from his father’s.
Parents’ intentions come from love, but that doesn’t always mean they know what’s best for their children. Sometimes, a child’s dream may not align with what their parents envision, and that’s okay.
The Taboo of Disagreeing with Parents
Feeling of Betrayal
( Image credit : Pexels )
How do you explain that your goals, your dreams, and your choices don’t mean rejecting the love and values your parents gave you? How do you communicate that pursuing something different doesn’t mean you don’t care about them? The moment you speak up, you may feel like you’ve crossed an invisible line.
Having Fun Isn’t a Crime
But why must we earn happiness through struggle? Why is joy seen as something that should be postponed for later? Why should we feel guilty about taking time to enjoy life—whether that’s spending time with friends, pursuing hobbies, or simply making memories?
Happiness isn’t a reward for fulfilling duties; it’s part of life, right here and right now. Living with joy and responsibility is not only possible, it’s necessary for a balanced life.
Creating Understanding: It’s About Dialogue, Not Conflict
- Reframe Respect: Parents and children should recognize that respect and obedience are separate. Disagreement doesn’t mean disrespect.
- Have Open Conversations: Instead of avoiding difficult topics, engage in honest, thoughtful discussions.
- Seek Mutual Understanding: Parents should recognize that times are changing, and children should acknowledge that their parents’ fears stem from love.
Freedom with Love
Follow your Dream
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True respect is about a relationship where both sides feel heard, valued, and understood. The next time you feel guilty for making a choice that doesn’t match your parents’ expectations, remember this: your life is yours to live. You can love your parents, respect them, but also remember to respect yourself.