The Pressure to Be ‘Perfect’ Has Ruined the Joy of Being a Bride in India
Riya Kumari | Jun 11, 2025, 18:08 IST
( Image credit : Pexels, Timeslife )
It’s supposed to be your big day. The one day when the spotlight is finally on you—cue dramatic Bollywood music and 47 cousins holding their phones at weird angles for reels. Be fair. Be slim. But not too slim—curves are mandatory. Look innocent, but seductive. Be sanskari, but also give enough “wife material” vibes to please both aunties and algorithms. Basically, become a doll that everyone can project their ideals on—because clearly, this is a wedding, not your identity at stake.
Somewhere between the trial makeup sessions, the fasting-for-his-long-life rituals, and the chorus of “You’ll look so pretty in that lehenga,” an Indian bride quietly disappears. No one notices it at first. After all, she’s still there—smiling for photos, nodding politely at compliments, sitting patiently while someone adjusts her dupatta for the twelfth time. But the girl she was—the one who laughed without covering her mouth, who spoke her mind without measuring it—is slipping further away. And in her place, a version of “beautiful” that everyone else approves of is stitched together, layer by layer, like her bridal outfit. This isn’t a rant about beauty standards. It’s about what happens to a woman’s soul when everyone is only paying attention to her face.
1. “Be Fair” – And Fade Into Who You’re Told to Be
Before a bride is allowed to feel love, she’s expected to earn worth. And often, it begins with her skin. "Fairness" isn't just about complexion here. It’s code for purity. For acceptability. For being 'good enough’ to be shown off. So she bleaches, peels, masks, scrubs. Not because she dislikes her reflection—but because she’s told the world might.
That the light has to hit her skin a certain way to make her worthy of attention. And slowly, she begins to internalize that her natural self needs fixing. And you know what’s cruel about that? When someone finally says, “You look beautiful,” it doesn’t feel like a compliment. It feels like a relief. Like she passed. Like she gets to be chosen—for today.
2. “Be Slim but Curvy” – The Body That Isn’t Hers Anymore
There’s a deep, quiet pain in being asked to transform your body for a day that's supposed to be yours. The bridal body isn’t one size fits all—it’s one size fits everyone else’s expectations. She must be slim. But not too slim. Curvy. But in the right places. Her arms should be toned, her waist cinched, her back flawless. But it isn’t just her body on display—it’s her discipline, her femininity, her “desirability.”
And in chasing that impossible equation, she loses something even bigger: the ability to feel at home in her own skin. Because how can she dance like herself, eat like herself, laugh like herself—when she’s being trained to pose like someone else?
3. “Be Tall, but Not Taller Than Him” – Because Ego Still Comes in Inches
No one says it outright, but it’s there. In the way heels are debated, or photos are cropped. The bride must fit—physically—into the narrative of male dominance. She should be tall enough to look elegant, but not so tall that she threatens the man beside her.
It’s subtle, but every woman who’s ever stood barefoot so the man next to her can feel taller knows this isn’t about inches. It’s about shrinking, gracefully. About being reminded that love comes with terms. And one of them is: Don’t take up too much space.
4. “Look Like a Baby” – But Carry the Maturity of a Wife
The Indian bridal aesthetic wants her to be hairless. Smooth. Delicate. She must glow, but not shine with sweat. Smell sweet, move slow, and keep her head down—but not too down, she has to look good in pictures. It’s hard to explain the violation that is silently felt when your body is treated as a project. When every inch is waxed, threaded, scrubbed, and judged until it’s no longer yours.
When you're praised for resembling a child—while you're stepping into the most adult chapter of your life. It's a contradiction no one warns you about: be a child in appearance, a goddess in obedience, and a caretaker in action. All at once.
5. “Be Sanskari but Also Sexy” – The Double Life of Every Indian Bride
She must know how to fold her hands in respect and arch her back in desire. She should fast on Karva Chauth, but also be “charming” enough to keep her husband interested. She must blush, but never desire. Obey, but never bore.
It’s exhausting, this tightrope walk between being “pure” and being “pleasing.” And in all this, no one pauses to ask: what does she want? What kind of wife does she want to be? What kind of marriage does she imagine? Her wants are treated like extras in a movie that stars everyone else’s expectations.
So What Are We Really Celebrating?
When she walks down that aisle, or towards the mandap, adorned in jewels and hope, everyone turns to look. And they say she looks beautiful. But does she feel beautiful? Or does she feel... erased? Because if the only version of her worth celebrating is one that’s bleached, shrunk, waxed, reshaped, and re-scripted—then we are not celebrating her. We are celebrating our own conditioning, wrapped in silk.
A wedding should be a homecoming to oneself, not an escape from it. Let’s stop demanding perfection and start honoring presence. Let’s let brides be who they are—radiant, flawed, hilarious, tired, bold, quiet, wild, unsure, in love. Let’s stop teaching women to spend the most important day of their lives trying to look like someone else. Because the bride isn’t here to be pretty. She’s here to be remembered—as herself.
1. “Be Fair” – And Fade Into Who You’re Told to Be
Fair
( Image credit : Pexels )
Before a bride is allowed to feel love, she’s expected to earn worth. And often, it begins with her skin. "Fairness" isn't just about complexion here. It’s code for purity. For acceptability. For being 'good enough’ to be shown off. So she bleaches, peels, masks, scrubs. Not because she dislikes her reflection—but because she’s told the world might.
That the light has to hit her skin a certain way to make her worthy of attention. And slowly, she begins to internalize that her natural self needs fixing. And you know what’s cruel about that? When someone finally says, “You look beautiful,” it doesn’t feel like a compliment. It feels like a relief. Like she passed. Like she gets to be chosen—for today.
2. “Be Slim but Curvy” – The Body That Isn’t Hers Anymore
Indian bride
( Image credit : Pexels )
There’s a deep, quiet pain in being asked to transform your body for a day that's supposed to be yours. The bridal body isn’t one size fits all—it’s one size fits everyone else’s expectations. She must be slim. But not too slim. Curvy. But in the right places. Her arms should be toned, her waist cinched, her back flawless. But it isn’t just her body on display—it’s her discipline, her femininity, her “desirability.”
And in chasing that impossible equation, she loses something even bigger: the ability to feel at home in her own skin. Because how can she dance like herself, eat like herself, laugh like herself—when she’s being trained to pose like someone else?
3. “Be Tall, but Not Taller Than Him” – Because Ego Still Comes in Inches
Heels
( Image credit : Pexels )
No one says it outright, but it’s there. In the way heels are debated, or photos are cropped. The bride must fit—physically—into the narrative of male dominance. She should be tall enough to look elegant, but not so tall that she threatens the man beside her.
It’s subtle, but every woman who’s ever stood barefoot so the man next to her can feel taller knows this isn’t about inches. It’s about shrinking, gracefully. About being reminded that love comes with terms. And one of them is: Don’t take up too much space.
4. “Look Like a Baby” – But Carry the Maturity of a Wife
Waxing
( Image credit : Pexels )
The Indian bridal aesthetic wants her to be hairless. Smooth. Delicate. She must glow, but not shine with sweat. Smell sweet, move slow, and keep her head down—but not too down, she has to look good in pictures. It’s hard to explain the violation that is silently felt when your body is treated as a project. When every inch is waxed, threaded, scrubbed, and judged until it’s no longer yours.
When you're praised for resembling a child—while you're stepping into the most adult chapter of your life. It's a contradiction no one warns you about: be a child in appearance, a goddess in obedience, and a caretaker in action. All at once.
5. “Be Sanskari but Also Sexy” – The Double Life of Every Indian Bride
Bride
( Image credit : Pexels )
She must know how to fold her hands in respect and arch her back in desire. She should fast on Karva Chauth, but also be “charming” enough to keep her husband interested. She must blush, but never desire. Obey, but never bore.
It’s exhausting, this tightrope walk between being “pure” and being “pleasing.” And in all this, no one pauses to ask: what does she want? What kind of wife does she want to be? What kind of marriage does she imagine? Her wants are treated like extras in a movie that stars everyone else’s expectations.
So What Are We Really Celebrating?
A wedding should be a homecoming to oneself, not an escape from it. Let’s stop demanding perfection and start honoring presence. Let’s let brides be who they are—radiant, flawed, hilarious, tired, bold, quiet, wild, unsure, in love. Let’s stop teaching women to spend the most important day of their lives trying to look like someone else. Because the bride isn’t here to be pretty. She’s here to be remembered—as herself.