The ‘Roommate Phase’: Why Indian Couples Become Strangers After Kids
Riya Kumari | Nov 25, 2025, 13:02 IST
Indian marriage
( Image credit : Pexels )
There’s a strange moment in many marriages when two people who once laughed together, dreamed together, and held each other like the world was theirs… suddenly begin to feel distant. Not because something dramatic happened, but because life quietly changed. Work stretched longer. Responsibilities multiplied. Children became the center of the home. And somewhere between surviving the day and managing the next, the relationship went from love… to logistics.
There comes a time in many marriages when two people who once promised the world to each other slowly become… silent roommates. They live under the same roof, eat at the same table, sleep on the same bed, yet the emotional distance between them is enough to fit another life. And while this happens everywhere, it hits especially hard in Indian marriages, where love is expected to survive on duty alone. But no relationship survives just on habit. Love needs nurturing. Connection needs deliberate effort. And when that effort stops, something slowly starts to die.
When Living Together Stops Feeling Like Being Together
One of the most painful truths couples discover after kids is: You can live together every day and still stop seeing each other. There are couples who: Sit in the same room but barely exchange a sentence, Go days without sharing something personal, Sleep beside each other without turning to face each other. Not because they stopped caring, but because life became louder than love. Work. Chores. Bills. Childcare. Responsibilities. Somewhere in between, conversations became instructions:
“Did you buy milk?”
“Did you pay the fee?”
“Did you pick up the medicine?”
Nothing is wrong… yet something is missing. The relationship didn’t break, it just… froze.
When Even Intimacy Starts Feeling Soulless
Many couples describe a phase when even physical closeness loses its warmth. There is touch, but no tenderness. Eye contact, but no spark. Togetherness, but no passion. Not because they’re bad partners. But because no one taught them this: When emotional distance grows, physical intimacy becomes mechanical.
If the heart is disconnected, the body feels nothing. Intimacy needs more than bodies touching. It needs two souls who still remember: “I choose you. Even today.”
Childcare Takes Over the Marriage and Resentment Walks In
Children change marriages in silent ways. Suddenly, both partners feel drained, physically, mentally, emotionally. Sleep is broken. Bodies are exhausted. Time is not their own anymore. And then resentment enters quietly: One partner feels they are carrying more weight. The other feels unappreciated for the weight they are carrying. No one says it out loud, but the inner monologue is real:
“I’m doing so much, why don’t you see it?”
“I am tired too, why can’t you understand?”
And then something worse begins: Comparison.
“We used to be so in love.”
“Look at that couple, they still look happy.”
“Why does their relationship feel alive while mine feels old?”
The truth is: No relationship is easy. But some relationships stop talking about the hard parts. And that silence becomes the killer.
When Boredom Becomes the Enemy and Fights Become the Only Way to Feel Something
Humans need thrill. Connection. Excitement. Something that makes the heart feel alive. But routine is the enemy of desire. When days start looking the same, when conversations feel repetitive, when the future feels predictable, boredom creeps in. And boredom is dangerous in love. Because many couples subconsciously start fights just to feel something. Fighting becomes the only form of emotional expression left.
At least in a fight, voices rise. At least there is intensity. At least the other person reacts. But in truth, they are not angry at each other. They are angry at what the relationship has become: Silent. Monotonous. Emotionally flat.
What Most Couples Don’t Realize
The relationship doesn’t need big gestures to revive. It needs small consistent ones: Sitting beside each other without phones. Asking “How are you really?” Complimenting instead of criticizing. Listening without rushing. Hugging without reason. Saying “I missed you today” even if you live together. These are tiny things. But tiny things keep relationships alive.
Most couples don’t fall out of love. They fall out of attention. They stop choosing each other. And love is not something that survives by itself. It needs watering. It needs effort. It needs two humans who stop living as victims of life and start becoming partners again. Your relationship is not doomed. It simply needs something most marriages forget: Two people facing each other again, not as parents… Not as roommates… Not as co-managers of responsibilities… But as two souls who once looked at each other and felt: “Life is better with you.” That spark didn’t die. It just needs a little air again.
When Living Together Stops Feeling Like Being Together
Family
( Image credit : Pexels )
One of the most painful truths couples discover after kids is: You can live together every day and still stop seeing each other. There are couples who: Sit in the same room but barely exchange a sentence, Go days without sharing something personal, Sleep beside each other without turning to face each other. Not because they stopped caring, but because life became louder than love. Work. Chores. Bills. Childcare. Responsibilities. Somewhere in between, conversations became instructions:
“Did you pay the fee?”
Nothing is wrong… yet something is missing. The relationship didn’t break, it just… froze.
When Even Intimacy Starts Feeling Soulless
Indian couple
( Image credit : Pexels )
Many couples describe a phase when even physical closeness loses its warmth. There is touch, but no tenderness. Eye contact, but no spark. Togetherness, but no passion. Not because they’re bad partners. But because no one taught them this: When emotional distance grows, physical intimacy becomes mechanical.
If the heart is disconnected, the body feels nothing. Intimacy needs more than bodies touching. It needs two souls who still remember: “I choose you. Even today.”
Childcare Takes Over the Marriage and Resentment Walks In
Baby
( Image credit : Pexels )
Children change marriages in silent ways. Suddenly, both partners feel drained, physically, mentally, emotionally. Sleep is broken. Bodies are exhausted. Time is not their own anymore. And then resentment enters quietly: One partner feels they are carrying more weight. The other feels unappreciated for the weight they are carrying. No one says it out loud, but the inner monologue is real:
“I’m doing so much, why don’t you see it?”
“I am tired too, why can’t you understand?”
And then something worse begins: Comparison.
“We used to be so in love.”
“Look at that couple, they still look happy.”
“Why does their relationship feel alive while mine feels old?”
The truth is: No relationship is easy. But some relationships stop talking about the hard parts. And that silence becomes the killer.
When Boredom Becomes the Enemy and Fights Become the Only Way to Feel Something
Argument
( Image credit : Pexels )
Humans need thrill. Connection. Excitement. Something that makes the heart feel alive. But routine is the enemy of desire. When days start looking the same, when conversations feel repetitive, when the future feels predictable, boredom creeps in. And boredom is dangerous in love. Because many couples subconsciously start fights just to feel something. Fighting becomes the only form of emotional expression left.
At least in a fight, voices rise. At least there is intensity. At least the other person reacts. But in truth, they are not angry at each other. They are angry at what the relationship has become: Silent. Monotonous. Emotionally flat.
What Most Couples Don’t Realize
Most couples don’t fall out of love. They fall out of attention. They stop choosing each other. And love is not something that survives by itself. It needs watering. It needs effort. It needs two humans who stop living as victims of life and start becoming partners again. Your relationship is not doomed. It simply needs something most marriages forget: Two people facing each other again, not as parents… Not as roommates… Not as co-managers of responsibilities… But as two souls who once looked at each other and felt: “Life is better with you.” That spark didn’t die. It just needs a little air again.