The Surprising Hidden Reason You’re Attracting Toxic People Into Your Life
Riya Kumari | Dec 14, 2024, 17:34 IST
"Is it me? Am I the drama?” Spoiler alert: it’s not you. But somehow, these toxic types keep showing up, like glitter after a craft project—annoying, hard to get rid of, and always finding new ways to cling to you. We all have a tendency to ignore the warning signs when someone feels like “our person.” But the problem? Toxic people are like beautifully wrapped gifts with nothing but chaos inside. And if you keep unwrapping them, sooner or later, you’ve got to ask yourself: why am I so good at picking the prettiest disasters in the room?
It’s Friday night, you’re wearing your best “I’m not even trying” outfit (which, let’s be honest, took three outfit changes to land), and you’re at a party where the lighting is suspiciously flattering, like a Pinterest filter for real life. Somewhere between the hors d’oeuvres and the playlist that’s 70% Taylor Swift—you meet someone. They’re funny, charming, and just the right amount of mysterious. Flash forward three months, and they’re sending passive-aggressive texts about how you don’t appreciate their obscure hobbies (pickle art? mushroom taxidermy?) while you’re spiraling into Google searches like, “Is it normal to cry after every brunch date?” Sound familiar? Congratulations, my friend. You might be a magnet for toxic people.
1. You’re Kind. Like, Almost Too Kind
Ever noticed how toxic people always seem to sniff out the nice ones in the room? It’s like they have some sixth sense for finding the human equivalent of a warm hug. Your kindness is a superpower—don’t get me wrong—but to a toxic person, it’s basically an open bar sign. They see your empathy and think, “Ah, perfect. A person who will never call me out when I’m being an absolute nightmare.”
2. You Love a Good Project
Oh, you’re a fixer, aren’t you? You see a red flag and think, “Maybe if I iron this out, it’ll turn into a cape.” Spoiler alert: it won’t. Toxic people love fixers because they can dump all their problems onto you and call it “bonding.” Meanwhile, you’re out here thinking you’re starring in some kind of Hallmark redemption story. You’re not. You’re just tired.
3. You Ignore the Red Flags
Listen, we all have our blind spots. Maybe it’s their smile, or their weirdly niche knowledge about Roman aqueducts that makes them seem so… fascinating. But those red flags? You’re treating them like decorative throw pillows. Cute, harmless, and totally ignorable. Here’s the thing: red flags are not decor. They’re warning signs, and ignoring them is like hearing your smoke alarm and thinking, “Oh, what a catchy tune.”
4. You Confuse Chaos for Chemistry
We need to talk about this one, because it’s a doozy. Somewhere along the way, you’ve been tricked into believing that drama equals passion. Spoiler alert: it doesn’t. Healthy relationships aren’t supposed to feel like you’re defusing a bomb every other day. That’s not chemistry—that’s cortisol.
5. You’re Scared of Being Alone
Ah, yes. The old “better toxic company than no company” mindset. Look, I get it. Being alone can feel like walking into a party where you don’t know anyone and the snacks are weirdly sparse. But here’s the secret: alone isn’t the enemy. Alone is where you figure out what you actually want, so you’re not stuck settling for someone who makes you feel like you’re auditioning for their approval 24/7.
How to Break the Cycle
Good news: you can absolutely stop this pattern. Bad news: it’s going to take a little work. But hey, you’ve binge-watched entire seasons of TV in one weekend—you can handle this. It’s just a pattern, and patterns can be broken.
1. Set Boundaries . Boundaries are not mean. They’re self-care. If someone’s behavior makes you feel like you’re on an emotional rollercoaster, it’s okay to step off the ride. You don’t owe anyone unlimited access to your time and energy.
2. Stop Romanticizing Red Flags. This one’s hard, I know. But next time you catch yourself saying, “They’re not emotionally unavailable, they’re just mysterious,” pause and ask yourself: are they really mysterious, or are they just bad at texting back?
3. Learn to Love Your Own Company. Take yourself out on dates. Watch that cheesy romcom. Eat the fancy dessert. The more you enjoy hanging out with yourself, the less likely you’ll be to tolerate someone who makes you feel like an afterthought.
4. Therapy, Therapy, Therapy. Seriously, therapy is like a cheat code for figuring out why you keep falling into the same patterns. Plus, your therapist won’t judge you for venting about the time your ex cried because you forgot to compliment their new hat. (True story. Probably.)
1. You’re Kind. Like, Almost Too Kind
Dog lover
Ever noticed how toxic people always seem to sniff out the nice ones in the room? It’s like they have some sixth sense for finding the human equivalent of a warm hug. Your kindness is a superpower—don’t get me wrong—but to a toxic person, it’s basically an open bar sign. They see your empathy and think, “Ah, perfect. A person who will never call me out when I’m being an absolute nightmare.”
2. You Love a Good Project
Project
Oh, you’re a fixer, aren’t you? You see a red flag and think, “Maybe if I iron this out, it’ll turn into a cape.” Spoiler alert: it won’t. Toxic people love fixers because they can dump all their problems onto you and call it “bonding.” Meanwhile, you’re out here thinking you’re starring in some kind of Hallmark redemption story. You’re not. You’re just tired.
3. You Ignore the Red Flags
Red flag
Listen, we all have our blind spots. Maybe it’s their smile, or their weirdly niche knowledge about Roman aqueducts that makes them seem so… fascinating. But those red flags? You’re treating them like decorative throw pillows. Cute, harmless, and totally ignorable. Here’s the thing: red flags are not decor. They’re warning signs, and ignoring them is like hearing your smoke alarm and thinking, “Oh, what a catchy tune.”
4. You Confuse Chaos for Chemistry
Storm
We need to talk about this one, because it’s a doozy. Somewhere along the way, you’ve been tricked into believing that drama equals passion. Spoiler alert: it doesn’t. Healthy relationships aren’t supposed to feel like you’re defusing a bomb every other day. That’s not chemistry—that’s cortisol.
5. You’re Scared of Being Alone
Alone
Ah, yes. The old “better toxic company than no company” mindset. Look, I get it. Being alone can feel like walking into a party where you don’t know anyone and the snacks are weirdly sparse. But here’s the secret: alone isn’t the enemy. Alone is where you figure out what you actually want, so you’re not stuck settling for someone who makes you feel like you’re auditioning for their approval 24/7.
How to Break the Cycle
1. Set Boundaries . Boundaries are not mean. They’re self-care. If someone’s behavior makes you feel like you’re on an emotional rollercoaster, it’s okay to step off the ride. You don’t owe anyone unlimited access to your time and energy.
2. Stop Romanticizing Red Flags. This one’s hard, I know. But next time you catch yourself saying, “They’re not emotionally unavailable, they’re just mysterious,” pause and ask yourself: are they really mysterious, or are they just bad at texting back?
3. Learn to Love Your Own Company. Take yourself out on dates. Watch that cheesy romcom. Eat the fancy dessert. The more you enjoy hanging out with yourself, the less likely you’ll be to tolerate someone who makes you feel like an afterthought.
4. Therapy, Therapy, Therapy. Seriously, therapy is like a cheat code for figuring out why you keep falling into the same patterns. Plus, your therapist won’t judge you for venting about the time your ex cried because you forgot to compliment their new hat. (True story. Probably.)