They Said ‘Stay for the Kids.’ I Stayed and Lost Myself Instead
Riya Kumari | Jun 11, 2025, 16:02 IST
( Image credit : Pexels, Timeslife )
When people say “stay for the kids,” what they really mean is: stay and slowly unravel, one packed lunch and unappreciated chore at a time. And I did. Like a good little martyr in an apron. You know, the one who always forgets to add “human being” to her to-do list.
There’s this silent rule they don’t write down anywhere, but every Indian woman seems to download it the moment she says I do: Your life is now about everyone except you. I wish I was being dramatic. But no. My calendar was booked out—kids, husband (man-child edition), in-laws, domestic diplomacy, endless to-dos. And me? I was somewhere in the margins. If anyone asked, I was fine. If anyone looked closer, I was disappearing.
1. I Was a Full-Time Lifeguard for a Ship Everyone Else Was Just Floating On
I didn’t have a schedule. I was the schedule. Breakfast, tiffins, school runs, doctor appointments, tuition pickups, feeding two kids and one emotionally unavailable adult who needed “space” the moment anything real came up. And let’s not forget my bonus responsibilities:
2. I Miss Me. The Old Me. The One Who Had Time for Her Own
Somewhere along the way, I traded my skincare routine for a mental breakdown in the shower. I used to enjoy things. Like music. Nail polish. Leaving the house. Now? I consider changing out of my nightie a spiritual transformation.
A highlighter on my cheek? That’s what we call character development. The gym? Laughed at me. My hobbies? Ghosted me. My mirror? Doesn’t know me. I wasn’t burnt out. I was just...gone.
3. No Spark. No Dates. Just School Fees and Mutual Resentment
He used to text me songs. Now he texts me, “Did you pay the electricity bill?” No effort. No flirting. No curiosity about who I was becoming, or if I was okay. Just a daily routine that could be run by Siri and a milkman.
He thought parenting was me handling everything, and him occasionally swooping in for birthdays and photo-ops. The last time he remembered what grade our son was in was when the school sent a mass WhatsApp alert. PTMs were the only days he acted like he co-created these children.
4. So Why Did I Stay?
Because they said that’s what ‘good mothers’ do. Because people said ‘kids need both parents.’ I didn’t want to be that girl—the one who left. The one who broke it all. But what nobody said was: If you stay too long in a loveless space, your kids grow up thinking love is silent, lopsided, and self-sacrificing.
That’s not the legacy I wanted to leave behind. And honestly, I was too tired to keep playing dead in my own life. I left because I wanted to find that girl again—the one who smiled without overthinking, danced without planning, laughed without guilt. They said, “Stay for the kids.” I say, stay awake for yourself. Because your kids don’t need a martyr. They need a mother who remembers her own name.
1. I Was a Full-Time Lifeguard for a Ship Everyone Else Was Just Floating On
Mom and daughter
( Image credit : Pexels )
I didn’t have a schedule. I was the schedule. Breakfast, tiffins, school runs, doctor appointments, tuition pickups, feeding two kids and one emotionally unavailable adult who needed “space” the moment anything real came up. And let’s not forget my bonus responsibilities:
- Emotional sponge for in-law meltdowns
- Translator for toddler tantrums and husband silences
- CEO of “where’s my socks?” crises
2. I Miss Me. The Old Me. The One Who Had Time for Her Own
Makeup
( Image credit : Pexels )
Somewhere along the way, I traded my skincare routine for a mental breakdown in the shower. I used to enjoy things. Like music. Nail polish. Leaving the house. Now? I consider changing out of my nightie a spiritual transformation.
A highlighter on my cheek? That’s what we call character development. The gym? Laughed at me. My hobbies? Ghosted me. My mirror? Doesn’t know me. I wasn’t burnt out. I was just...gone.
3. No Spark. No Dates. Just School Fees and Mutual Resentment
Indian couple
( Image credit : Pexels )
He used to text me songs. Now he texts me, “Did you pay the electricity bill?” No effort. No flirting. No curiosity about who I was becoming, or if I was okay. Just a daily routine that could be run by Siri and a milkman.
He thought parenting was me handling everything, and him occasionally swooping in for birthdays and photo-ops. The last time he remembered what grade our son was in was when the school sent a mass WhatsApp alert. PTMs were the only days he acted like he co-created these children.
4. So Why Did I Stay?
Skincare
( Image credit : Pexels )
Because they said that’s what ‘good mothers’ do. Because people said ‘kids need both parents.’ I didn’t want to be that girl—the one who left. The one who broke it all. But what nobody said was: If you stay too long in a loveless space, your kids grow up thinking love is silent, lopsided, and self-sacrificing.
That’s not the legacy I wanted to leave behind. And honestly, I was too tired to keep playing dead in my own life. I left because I wanted to find that girl again—the one who smiled without overthinking, danced without planning, laughed without guilt. They said, “Stay for the kids.” I say, stay awake for yourself. Because your kids don’t need a martyr. They need a mother who remembers her own name.