They Were Wrong for Me, But I Miss Them - Gita On Moving On Without Guilt
Riya Kumari | Jun 22, 2025, 23:25 IST
( Image credit : Times Life Bureau, Timeslife )
Let’s get one thing out of the way—I knew they were wrong for me. I knew it the way you know a late-night text from your ex is a mistake, or that getting bangs after a breakup never ends well. But did that stop me? No. Because I, like a delusional moth to a painfully hot flame, simply had to see where it would go. Spoiler alert: it went exactly where red flags always do—into a full-blown emotional demolition.
Let’s not sugarcoat it—I knew they weren’t right for me. Not in that cute, opposites-attract way, but in the quiet, stomach-sinking way that whispers, “This will end in tears. Probably yours.” And yet, I miss them. Not just the memories, but the person. The way they laughed when they didn’t mean to. The things they never said but I felt anyway. I miss what we almost were. I miss the hope. But here’s the hard part no one prepares you for: letting go isn’t just walking away. It’s watching your own heart try to run back into a burning house. And still saying, “No.” So how do you hold that ache with grace? How do you miss someone without betraying yourself in the process? For me, the Bhagavad Gita offered something deeper than just “move on” mantras. It offered clarity. And not in a preachy, moral-high-ground kind of way—but in the language of real life. The kind that holds you accountable while still holding your hand.
1. They Weren’t Good To Me, But They Meant Something For Me
Let’s start here: Just because someone brought pain into your life doesn’t mean their presence was pointless. We confuse “meaningful” with “meant to last.” But the Gita teaches that everything—everything—has a purpose in our growth. Some people come to awaken us. Some come to challenge our patterns. And some, like beautifully wrapped but poorly made gifts, come to show us exactly what we no longer want to accept.
So missing them doesn’t make you naive. It makes you human. But staying attached to what they represented? That’s where we begin to suffer. You miss them because they touched something real in you. But that doesn’t mean they were meant to stay.
“Attachment leads to desire, desire leads to anger… and finally, delusion.” — Gita 2.62-63
2. Your Pain Isn’t Proof You Did Something Wrong
We’re so used to transactional love—if it hurts, we assume we messed up. That we chose wrong. But the Gita doesn’t frame pain as failure. Pain is a teacher. When Arjuna collapses on the battlefield, overwhelmed with emotion, Krishna doesn’t scold him. He guides him. He reminds him: your duty isn’t to avoid pain. It’s to act with alignment. With truth.
And if someone couldn’t meet you with the same integrity or capacity—that’s not your shame to carry. The pain isn’t there to tell you that you failed. It’s there to show you what mattered. And what must now be released.
3. Missing Them Is Not the Same As Wanting Them Back
This is where it gets tricky. We feel the ache and mistake it for longing. We assume that if we still miss them, then maybe it wasn’t over. Maybe it’s unfinished. But here’s a quiet truth: You can miss someone and still know they weren’t good for your peace. You can ache and still walk away.
You can love what was, without inviting it back into your life. Love isn’t always about holding on. Sometimes, the deepest love is found in choosing not to go back.
The Gita calls this Vairagya — detachment not from love itself, but from the illusion that love must equal possession.
4. Letting Go Is an Act of Self-Respect, Not Bitterness
Most of us don’t let go because we think it means giving up. But the Gita doesn’t say, “Detach because you don’t care.” It says, “Detach because you care—about the truth, about your own peace, about what’s real.” Real love doesn’t ask you to shrink, bend, or beg.
If someone made you feel like too much or not enough at the same time, that wasn’t love—it was your worth being negotiated. Letting go, in that case, is not cruelty. It’s clarity.
5. You Can Forgive Someone And Still Never Let Them Back In
Forgiveness is not a backstage pass into your life again. It’s not a free pass to repeat the same lessons.
The Gita says: “One who is not disturbed by happiness or distress… becomes eligible for liberation.” (Gita 2.15)
Liberation is emotional freedom. It’s forgiving someone—not for their sake, but so you can finally breathe. It’s realizing that your peace no longer depends on their presence, apology, or approval. That’s not cold. That’s evolution.
CONCLUSION:
They were wrong for you. And you still miss them. That’s okay. But the point of pain is not to paralyze you—it’s to purify you. To cut through illusion and reveal what is lasting, what is true, and most importantly—what is you. The Gita doesn’t ask you to become emotionless. It asks you to become anchored. Anchored in who you are, in what you value, in the kind of love that doesn’t leave you questioning your worth.
So miss them. Grieve what could’ve been. But don’t stay in that place. Because there’s a version of you waiting on the other side of this grief. Stronger. Quieter. Wiser. And they are worth choosing. Even if it means choosing yourself first.
1. They Weren’t Good To Me, But They Meant Something For Me
Pain
( Image credit : Pexels )
Let’s start here: Just because someone brought pain into your life doesn’t mean their presence was pointless. We confuse “meaningful” with “meant to last.” But the Gita teaches that everything—everything—has a purpose in our growth. Some people come to awaken us. Some come to challenge our patterns. And some, like beautifully wrapped but poorly made gifts, come to show us exactly what we no longer want to accept.
So missing them doesn’t make you naive. It makes you human. But staying attached to what they represented? That’s where we begin to suffer. You miss them because they touched something real in you. But that doesn’t mean they were meant to stay.
“Attachment leads to desire, desire leads to anger… and finally, delusion.” — Gita 2.62-63
2. Your Pain Isn’t Proof You Did Something Wrong
Success
( Image credit : Pexels )
We’re so used to transactional love—if it hurts, we assume we messed up. That we chose wrong. But the Gita doesn’t frame pain as failure. Pain is a teacher. When Arjuna collapses on the battlefield, overwhelmed with emotion, Krishna doesn’t scold him. He guides him. He reminds him: your duty isn’t to avoid pain. It’s to act with alignment. With truth.
And if someone couldn’t meet you with the same integrity or capacity—that’s not your shame to carry. The pain isn’t there to tell you that you failed. It’s there to show you what mattered. And what must now be released.
3. Missing Them Is Not the Same As Wanting Them Back
Mirror
( Image credit : Pexels )
This is where it gets tricky. We feel the ache and mistake it for longing. We assume that if we still miss them, then maybe it wasn’t over. Maybe it’s unfinished. But here’s a quiet truth: You can miss someone and still know they weren’t good for your peace. You can ache and still walk away.
You can love what was, without inviting it back into your life. Love isn’t always about holding on. Sometimes, the deepest love is found in choosing not to go back.
The Gita calls this Vairagya — detachment not from love itself, but from the illusion that love must equal possession.
4. Letting Go Is an Act of Self-Respect, Not Bitterness
Real
( Image credit : Pexels )
Most of us don’t let go because we think it means giving up. But the Gita doesn’t say, “Detach because you don’t care.” It says, “Detach because you care—about the truth, about your own peace, about what’s real.” Real love doesn’t ask you to shrink, bend, or beg.
If someone made you feel like too much or not enough at the same time, that wasn’t love—it was your worth being negotiated. Letting go, in that case, is not cruelty. It’s clarity.
5. You Can Forgive Someone And Still Never Let Them Back In
Closed door
( Image credit : Pexels )
Forgiveness is not a backstage pass into your life again. It’s not a free pass to repeat the same lessons.
The Gita says: “One who is not disturbed by happiness or distress… becomes eligible for liberation.” (Gita 2.15)
Liberation is emotional freedom. It’s forgiving someone—not for their sake, but so you can finally breathe. It’s realizing that your peace no longer depends on their presence, apology, or approval. That’s not cold. That’s evolution.
CONCLUSION:
So miss them. Grieve what could’ve been. But don’t stay in that place. Because there’s a version of you waiting on the other side of this grief. Stronger. Quieter. Wiser. And they are worth choosing. Even if it means choosing yourself first.