Too Many Indian Women Are Married. Few Are Actually Loved
Isha Gogia | Jul 10, 2025, 23:00 IST
( Image credit : Freepik )
Highlight of the story: Millions of Indian women hold marriage certificates but wait endlessly for genuine love. In a country perfecting the art of arranged unions, we've forgotten the crucial ingredient: emotional connection. From matrimonial marketplaces to adjustment culture, this witty expose reveals how Indian marriages prioritize everything except what matters most—being truly cherished.
Picture this: millions of Indian women walking around with marriage certificates but still waiting for someone to ask them about their day. It's like having a gym membership but never actually working out – technically you're covered, but you're not getting any of the benefits. Welcome to the great Indian marriage paradox, where "settling down" often means "settling for less" and "happily ever after" translates to "tolerably ever after, assuming the mother-in-law approves."
In a country where arranged marriages remain prevalent, we've somehow managed to perfect the art of getting people married while completely forgetting the minor detail of making sure they actually connect emotionally. It's efficiency at its finest – like Amazon Prime for relationships, but with a lifetime no-return policy.
Indian society has transformed marriage into a systematic process that prioritizes compatibility on paper over chemistry in person. The formula is straightforward: suitable backgrounds, aligned horoscopes, family approval, and voilà – two people who might not even know each other's dreams are now expected to build a life together.
The system operates with mechanical precision but often lacks the warmth that makes relationships flourish. Parents approach marriage like project managers completing a checklist – education, career, family background, and social status. Love? That's the optional add-on that may or may not develop over time.
This approach has created a generation of marriages that function well as social institutions but sometimes struggle as emotional partnerships. The focus on practical compatibility, while important, often overshadows the equally crucial need for genuine connection and mutual affection. As Plato wisely observed, "At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet" – yet in our systematic approach to marriage, we sometimes forget to nurture the poetry that makes relationships truly flourish.
The Matrimonial Marketplace: Where Resumes Replace Romance
Matrimonial websites and newspaper classifieds have revolutionized how we approach marriage, turning partner selection into a filtering exercise. Profiles read like job applications: "Well-educated, family-oriented, seeks compatible partner" – because apparently, we're still describing life partners with the same language we use for ideal employees.
These platforms offer unprecedented choice but often reduce complex human beings to searchable categories. Height, income, caste, and appearance become primary filters, while personality, humor, and emotional intelligence remain secondary considerations. It's like online shopping for relationships, where specifications matter more than chemistry.
The irony is striking. We have more options than ever before, yet we're making choices based on criteria that would make a job interview seem personal. The emphasis on external markers of suitability sometimes overshadows the internal qualities that actually sustain long-term relationships. As Aristotle noted, "Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies" – a beautiful ideal that gets lost when we reduce potential partners to searchable categories and compatibility checklists.
"Adjustment" has become the cornerstone of Indian marriage philosophy, but the concept often gets misinterpreted. True adjustment in relationships should be mutual – both partners adapting to create harmony. However, the cultural expectation sometimes places disproportionate pressure on women to be the primary adjusters. "Adjustment" has become the cornerstone of Indian marriage philosophy, but the concept often gets misinterpreted. True adjustment in relationships should be mutual – both partners adapting to create harmony. However, the cultural expectation sometimes places disproportionate pressure on women to be the primary adjusters.
This one-sided approach to compromise has created situations where marriage becomes more about endurance than enjoyment. Women are often expected to mold themselves to fit their new families, while men may not face the same level of pressure to adapt. The result is relationships where one partner carries the emotional labor of maintaining harmony.
Healthy marriages require both partners to adjust, communicate, and grow together. When adjustment becomes a one-way street, it leads to resentment and emotional distance rather than the intended marital bliss. Friedrich Nietzsche's insight rings true here: "It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages." The most successful relationships are built on mutual friendship and respect, where both partners feel valued and heard.
The Extended Family Dynamic: Navigating Complex Relationships
Indian marriages often involve not just two individuals but entire family systems. The relationship with in-laws, particularly mothers-in-law, can significantly impact marital satisfaction. Many women find themselves managing multiple relationships simultaneously – with their spouse, his parents, and extended family members.
This complex family dynamic can sometimes overshadow the primary relationship between husband and wife. The pressure to maintain harmony with extended family, while admirable, can create stress when it comes at the expense of the couple's own emotional connection.
Successful Indian marriages often find ways to honor family relationships while prioritizing the spousal bond. This balance requires clear communication, mutual support, and sometimes, difficult conversations about boundaries and priorities. As Confucius taught, "Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it" – the art lies in seeing the beauty in both tradition and individual happiness, finding ways to honor both without sacrificing either.
The Children Question: Band-Aid or Building Block?
When the conversation runs dry and the romance feels more like a business partnership, Indian society has a tried-and-tested solution: have children. Nothing fixes a loveless marriage quite like introducing sleep deprivation and financial stress into the equation. It's like trying to fix a leaky roof by adding more water – technically, you're adding something, but you're not solving the original problem.
Children become the glue that holds many Indian marriages together, not because the couple has grown closer, but because they're now too busy and exhausted to address their fundamental incompatibility. The kids serve as a convenient conversation starter, a shared project, and a socially acceptable reason to stay in a marriage that stopped making sense years ago.
The most successful marriages find ways to nurture both the parent-child bond and the spousal relationship, understanding that these connections complement rather than compete with each other. As Kahlil Gibran wrote, "Love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation" – and in marriages where parents are genuinely connected, children witness the depth of love that becomes their template for healthy relationships.
Today's Indian women are educated, ambitious, and career-oriented, yet they sometimes find themselves in marriages where these qualities are tolerated rather than celebrated. The challenge lies in finding partners who genuinely appreciate and support their goals rather than viewing their achievements as secondary to domestic responsibilities.
Modern marriages work best when both partners support each other's growth and aspirations. This requires moving beyond traditional role assignments to create partnerships where both individuals can thrive personally and professionally.
The key is finding the right balance – one that honors cultural values while embracing contemporary realities about women's potential and aspirations.
Social media has added another dimension to marriage, where couples feel pressure to present perfect relationships online. Wedding photos become elaborate productions, anniversary posts are carefully crafted narratives, and family pictures can feel like performance art.
While sharing happy moments is natural, the pressure to maintain a perfect image can sometimes create distance from authentic emotional experiences. The most fulfilling marriages prioritize genuine connection over public perception.
Real relationship satisfaction comes from private moments of connection, understanding, and mutual support – qualities that don't always translate well to social media posts but form the foundation of lasting love.
Signs of Positive Change
The encouraging news is that change is happening across India. More couples are choosing to spend time getting to know each other before marriage, having honest conversations about expectations, and building relationships based on mutual respect and genuine affection.
The arranged marriage system is evolving too. Parents are increasingly recognizing that their children's happiness and emotional well-being are paramount. The focus is gradually shifting from purely practical considerations to include emotional compatibility and personal fulfillment.
Perhaps most importantly, Indian women are increasingly asserting their right to be loved, respected, and valued in their marriages. They're refusing to accept that marriage and love are mutually exclusive, demanding relationships that offer both security and genuine emotional connection.
The Path Forward
The future of Indian marriage lies in combining the best of traditional values with contemporary understanding of healthy relationships. This means maintaining the emphasis on commitment and family while ensuring that emotional intimacy, mutual respect, and genuine affection remain central to the partnership.
Successful marriages require both partners to be actively engaged in creating a loving, supportive environment. This involves regular communication, shared responsibilities, mutual encouragement, and the willingness to grow together over time.
The goal isn't to abandon cultural traditions but to ensure they serve the ultimate purpose of creating happy, fulfilling relationships where both partners can thrive.
A New Generation of Love
Today's Indian couples are rewriting the rules of marriage, one relationship at a time. They're proving that arranged marriages can be love marriages, that tradition and modernity can coexist, and that it's possible to honor family while prioritizing personal happiness.
These couples are creating marriages that work not just on paper but in practice – relationships characterized by genuine affection, mutual respect, and shared joy. They're showing that love isn't a luxury in marriage but a necessity, not an optional add-on but the foundation upon which everything else is built.
The revolution is quiet but real, led by women and men who believe they deserve partners who choose them every day, not just on their wedding day. In a country where marriage has long been about everything except love, this new generation is staging the ultimate revolution: they're demanding to be loved. And it's creating marriages that are not just successful but genuinely fulfilling.
The great Indian marriage experiment continues, but now with a crucial new element: the understanding that love and marriage aren't just compatible – they're essential to each other. The results promise to be transformative.
Explore the latest trends and tips in Health & Fitness, Travel, Life Hacks, Fashion & Beauty, and Relationships at Times Life!
Frequently Asked Questions(
1. Are inter-caste or inter-religious marriages becoming more common in India?
Yes, while still facing challenges, there's a growing trend towards inter-caste and inter-religious marriages, especially in urban areas.
2. How do divorce rates in India compare to global averages, and are they increasing?
India historically has very low divorce rates compared to global averages, though there's a gradual increase, particularly in cities, as societal norms shift.
3. Is pre-marital counseling gaining traction in India?
Yes, pre-marital counseling is slowly gaining acceptance, with more couples and even families considering it to build stronger foundations.
In a country where arranged marriages remain prevalent, we've somehow managed to perfect the art of getting people married while completely forgetting the minor detail of making sure they actually connect emotionally. It's efficiency at its finest – like Amazon Prime for relationships, but with a lifetime no-return policy.
The Marriage Assembly Line: Efficiency Over Emotion
Eternal Bond
( Image credit : Freepik )
Indian society has transformed marriage into a systematic process that prioritizes compatibility on paper over chemistry in person. The formula is straightforward: suitable backgrounds, aligned horoscopes, family approval, and voilà – two people who might not even know each other's dreams are now expected to build a life together.
The system operates with mechanical precision but often lacks the warmth that makes relationships flourish. Parents approach marriage like project managers completing a checklist – education, career, family background, and social status. Love? That's the optional add-on that may or may not develop over time.
This approach has created a generation of marriages that function well as social institutions but sometimes struggle as emotional partnerships. The focus on practical compatibility, while important, often overshadows the equally crucial need for genuine connection and mutual affection. As Plato wisely observed, "At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet" – yet in our systematic approach to marriage, we sometimes forget to nurture the poetry that makes relationships truly flourish.
The Matrimonial Marketplace: Where Resumes Replace Romance
Algorithmic Love
( Image credit : Freepik )
Matrimonial websites and newspaper classifieds have revolutionized how we approach marriage, turning partner selection into a filtering exercise. Profiles read like job applications: "Well-educated, family-oriented, seeks compatible partner" – because apparently, we're still describing life partners with the same language we use for ideal employees.
These platforms offer unprecedented choice but often reduce complex human beings to searchable categories. Height, income, caste, and appearance become primary filters, while personality, humor, and emotional intelligence remain secondary considerations. It's like online shopping for relationships, where specifications matter more than chemistry.
The irony is striking. We have more options than ever before, yet we're making choices based on criteria that would make a job interview seem personal. The emphasis on external markers of suitability sometimes overshadows the internal qualities that actually sustain long-term relationships. As Aristotle noted, "Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies" – a beautiful ideal that gets lost when we reduce potential partners to searchable categories and compatibility checklists.
The Culture of Adjustment: Redefining Compromise
Mutual Harmony
( Image credit : Times Life Bureau )
"Adjustment" has become the cornerstone of Indian marriage philosophy, but the concept often gets misinterpreted. True adjustment in relationships should be mutual – both partners adapting to create harmony. However, the cultural expectation sometimes places disproportionate pressure on women to be the primary adjusters. "Adjustment" has become the cornerstone of Indian marriage philosophy, but the concept often gets misinterpreted. True adjustment in relationships should be mutual – both partners adapting to create harmony. However, the cultural expectation sometimes places disproportionate pressure on women to be the primary adjusters.
This one-sided approach to compromise has created situations where marriage becomes more about endurance than enjoyment. Women are often expected to mold themselves to fit their new families, while men may not face the same level of pressure to adapt. The result is relationships where one partner carries the emotional labor of maintaining harmony.
Healthy marriages require both partners to adjust, communicate, and grow together. When adjustment becomes a one-way street, it leads to resentment and emotional distance rather than the intended marital bliss. Friedrich Nietzsche's insight rings true here: "It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages." The most successful relationships are built on mutual friendship and respect, where both partners feel valued and heard.
The Extended Family Dynamic: Navigating Complex Relationships
Family Ties
( Image credit : Freepik )
Indian marriages often involve not just two individuals but entire family systems. The relationship with in-laws, particularly mothers-in-law, can significantly impact marital satisfaction. Many women find themselves managing multiple relationships simultaneously – with their spouse, his parents, and extended family members.
This complex family dynamic can sometimes overshadow the primary relationship between husband and wife. The pressure to maintain harmony with extended family, while admirable, can create stress when it comes at the expense of the couple's own emotional connection.
Successful Indian marriages often find ways to honor family relationships while prioritizing the spousal bond. This balance requires clear communication, mutual support, and sometimes, difficult conversations about boundaries and priorities. As Confucius taught, "Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it" – the art lies in seeing the beauty in both tradition and individual happiness, finding ways to honor both without sacrificing either.
The Children Question: Band-Aid or Building Block?
Parental Patch
( Image credit : Freepik )
When the conversation runs dry and the romance feels more like a business partnership, Indian society has a tried-and-tested solution: have children. Nothing fixes a loveless marriage quite like introducing sleep deprivation and financial stress into the equation. It's like trying to fix a leaky roof by adding more water – technically, you're adding something, but you're not solving the original problem.
Children become the glue that holds many Indian marriages together, not because the couple has grown closer, but because they're now too busy and exhausted to address their fundamental incompatibility. The kids serve as a convenient conversation starter, a shared project, and a socially acceptable reason to stay in a marriage that stopped making sense years ago.
The most successful marriages find ways to nurture both the parent-child bond and the spousal relationship, understanding that these connections complement rather than compete with each other. As Kahlil Gibran wrote, "Love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation" – and in marriages where parents are genuinely connected, children witness the depth of love that becomes their template for healthy relationships.
The Modern Woman's Dilemma: Balancing Aspirations and Expectations
Balanced Growth
( Image credit : Freepik )
Today's Indian women are educated, ambitious, and career-oriented, yet they sometimes find themselves in marriages where these qualities are tolerated rather than celebrated. The challenge lies in finding partners who genuinely appreciate and support their goals rather than viewing their achievements as secondary to domestic responsibilities.
Modern marriages work best when both partners support each other's growth and aspirations. This requires moving beyond traditional role assignments to create partnerships where both individuals can thrive personally and professionally.
The key is finding the right balance – one that honors cultural values while embracing contemporary realities about women's potential and aspirations.
The Social Media Performance: Curated Happiness
Curated Love
( Image credit : Times Life Bureau )
Social media has added another dimension to marriage, where couples feel pressure to present perfect relationships online. Wedding photos become elaborate productions, anniversary posts are carefully crafted narratives, and family pictures can feel like performance art.
While sharing happy moments is natural, the pressure to maintain a perfect image can sometimes create distance from authentic emotional experiences. The most fulfilling marriages prioritize genuine connection over public perception.
Real relationship satisfaction comes from private moments of connection, understanding, and mutual support – qualities that don't always translate well to social media posts but form the foundation of lasting love.
Signs of Positive Change
Empowered Love
( Image credit : Freepik )
The encouraging news is that change is happening across India. More couples are choosing to spend time getting to know each other before marriage, having honest conversations about expectations, and building relationships based on mutual respect and genuine affection.
The arranged marriage system is evolving too. Parents are increasingly recognizing that their children's happiness and emotional well-being are paramount. The focus is gradually shifting from purely practical considerations to include emotional compatibility and personal fulfillment.
Perhaps most importantly, Indian women are increasingly asserting their right to be loved, respected, and valued in their marriages. They're refusing to accept that marriage and love are mutually exclusive, demanding relationships that offer both security and genuine emotional connection.
The Path Forward
Successful Marriages
( Image credit : Freepik )
The future of Indian marriage lies in combining the best of traditional values with contemporary understanding of healthy relationships. This means maintaining the emphasis on commitment and family while ensuring that emotional intimacy, mutual respect, and genuine affection remain central to the partnership.
Successful marriages require both partners to be actively engaged in creating a loving, supportive environment. This involves regular communication, shared responsibilities, mutual encouragement, and the willingness to grow together over time.
The goal isn't to abandon cultural traditions but to ensure they serve the ultimate purpose of creating happy, fulfilling relationships where both partners can thrive.
A New Generation of Love
Love Revolution
( Image credit : Freepik )
Today's Indian couples are rewriting the rules of marriage, one relationship at a time. They're proving that arranged marriages can be love marriages, that tradition and modernity can coexist, and that it's possible to honor family while prioritizing personal happiness.
These couples are creating marriages that work not just on paper but in practice – relationships characterized by genuine affection, mutual respect, and shared joy. They're showing that love isn't a luxury in marriage but a necessity, not an optional add-on but the foundation upon which everything else is built.
The revolution is quiet but real, led by women and men who believe they deserve partners who choose them every day, not just on their wedding day. In a country where marriage has long been about everything except love, this new generation is staging the ultimate revolution: they're demanding to be loved. And it's creating marriages that are not just successful but genuinely fulfilling.
The great Indian marriage experiment continues, but now with a crucial new element: the understanding that love and marriage aren't just compatible – they're essential to each other. The results promise to be transformative.
Explore the latest trends and tips in Health & Fitness, Travel, Life Hacks, Fashion & Beauty, and Relationships at Times Life!
Frequently Asked Questions(
FAQs:)
1. Are inter-caste or inter-religious marriages becoming more common in India?
Yes, while still facing challenges, there's a growing trend towards inter-caste and inter-religious marriages, especially in urban areas.
2. How do divorce rates in India compare to global averages, and are they increasing?
India historically has very low divorce rates compared to global averages, though there's a gradual increase, particularly in cities, as societal norms shift.
3. Is pre-marital counseling gaining traction in India?
Yes, pre-marital counseling is slowly gaining acceptance, with more couples and even families considering it to build stronger foundations.