Why Husbands Worship Mothers But Ignore Wives
Charu Sharma | Sep 19, 2025, 14:30 IST
Highlight of the story: The article explains the reasons why a lot of men still respect their mothers but pay no attention to their wives. It investigates how things like cultural conditioning, patriarchal expectations, comfort zones, and silent sacrifices can keep this imbalance going. The article not only supports such behavior by identifying five fundamental reasons but also asks men to give equal respect to mother and wife to be able to develop emotional relationships that are beneficial to them and their family.
Girls find themselves in a strange situation in quite a few marriages. The man who is very respectful towards his mother, thankful to her, and takes care of her, is the same man who appears to be totally indifferent or even a little rude to the wife. It is not about the rivalry between a mother and a wife, but about the lack of emotional recognition. Why is it that so many husbands take the trouble of pleasing their mothers, listening to their views, and fulfilling their needs while at the same time they completely neglect their wives? This pattern has been around for a very long time and is still the cause of the silent wars that many marriages are going through. Actually, this situation is not a matter of love or neglect only, but the main factors that decide the fate are conditioning, cultural expectations, and psychological comfort zones. In order to figure out why the imbalance happened, we have to find out the correct root of family systems, upbringing, and the roles society has designated to men.
1. The Mother-Son Bond: A Lifetime of Conditioning
Boys are trained from their early years to admire their mothers as caretakers, guards, and the main source of safety. For a lot of men, their mother was the first person who took care of them, gave up for them, and led them through hard times. The dependence, which is initially formed, becomes so strong that it is quite often that it is the one's that overshadow their grown-up relationships in lives. These men have a hard time when they are supposed to transfer a feeling of loyalty to their wives, or even accidentally mix the two relationships when they get married. The mother, compared to the wife, has several decades of emotional capital invested. A husband's failure to reject his mother thereby upsetting her would be considered disloyalty - however, letting his wife down would "be under control," as the society that normalizes wives being taken for granted facilitates this phenomenon.
2. Cultural Expectations and Patriarchal Narratives
Men in South Asian, Middle Eastern, and many traditional societies are usually taught, whether it is done deliberately or not, that a “good son” is one who puts his mother first always. Popular sayings such as “Maa ke pairon tale jannat hai” (Heaven lies under a mother’s feet) not only demonstrate but also strengthen the belief that the most sacred duty is to serve the mother. However, Mother-serving, though a very admirable gesture, becomes problematic when the cultural teaching turns to the neglect of the wife’s role. The patriarchal systems also depict wives as “outsiders” who cannot be a part of the family unless they adapt and “earn” their place there. Mothers-in-law are, thus, portrayed as the unchallenged ruling class, and wives are given the role of being in the shade. Such a disbalance of power keeps men in the position of a “dutiful son” rather than that of a “supportive husband.”
3. The Comfort Zone Factor
Most men would say that a mother is the epitome of unconditional love. She almost never requires the accountability that a wife might. A wife, however, is more likely to address the issues, ask for a share of the tasks, or require the presence of emotions. This, however, leads to husbands going back to their mother’s care which is less of a challenge than the emotional work with a partner. As an illustration, a man could spend a whole day with his mother, asking for her approval, and taking her opinion seriously, while at the same time he could be ignoring his wife by calling her a “nag” or stating that she “overreacts.” It is not that he does not love his wife, but that the feeling of being “the perfect son” is more comfortable than the “attentive husband” responsibility.
4. Role Confusion: When Mothers Don’t Let Go
One more factor has to do with mothers themselves when they do not change their role after their son got married. It is such a situation that some mothers do not separate from their sons in any emotional or other spheres and, thus, they take over the daily decisions, finances, and even the couple’s private matters. Under such circumstances, the reason for the husband not giving his wife attention is not that he wants to harm her but it is because his mother is there, next to him, as the central figure of his adult life. The transition from “being a mother” to “being a controller” is so indistinguished that it often makes the wives get the feeling of being invisible. The husband who is stuck in this situation decides on the one that is the most familiar (his mother) rather than the difficult (his wife’s rightful place as his partner)
5. The Silent Sacrifice of Wives
One of the least recognized reasons that husbands do not pay attention to their wives is the fact that wives themselves are used to the situation and still remain silent. Women are usually instructed to "adjust," "understand," and "not have conflicts with the mother-in-law." They are urged to keep quiet for the sake of the peace of the family, even when their emotional needs are ignored all the time. Such a silence empowers the husband's conduct. Since he is not confronted, therefore, no trouble happens to him because he keeps on giving a higher priority to his mother. Thus by the time a woman becomes invisible - not because of lack of worth but due to the fact that she has been given the impression that she should suppress her voice in the relationship.
Final note:
Husbands worshipping mothers and ignoring wives is not a fight between two women that goes on behind closed doors- it is a problem of the way men are brought up, family systems, and role definitions. No one can argue with the fact that mothers should be respected, but the same goes for wives. A positive marriage does not ask a man to pick one over the other but to manage them with his maturity and fairness. For the change to happen, both men and women have to challenge the way things were in the past. Mothers must learn the art of letting go, wives should with confidence demand their place, and husbands can only transform into the role of partners and not sons if they experience the power of true love and respect which is not about hierarchy but balance. Meanwhile, there will still be numerous wives who quite a number of them will still choose to be unmoved by this situation and continue to sit and watch their husbands worship their mothers while the very woman who is standing beside them is ignored.
FAQs (Frequently Asked Questions):
Is it wrong for a husband to value his mother?
No, but the balance must not come at his wife’s expense.What role do mothers play in this imbalance?
Some mothers overstep, blurring roles and unintentionally sidelining the wife.How can husbands balance respect for mother and wife?
By treating both relationships equally, with maturity and fairness.
1. The Mother-Son Bond: A Lifetime of Conditioning
Man between both the bonds
( Image credit : Times Life Bureau )
Boys are trained from their early years to admire their mothers as caretakers, guards, and the main source of safety. For a lot of men, their mother was the first person who took care of them, gave up for them, and led them through hard times. The dependence, which is initially formed, becomes so strong that it is quite often that it is the one's that overshadow their grown-up relationships in lives. These men have a hard time when they are supposed to transfer a feeling of loyalty to their wives, or even accidentally mix the two relationships when they get married. The mother, compared to the wife, has several decades of emotional capital invested. A husband's failure to reject his mother thereby upsetting her would be considered disloyalty - however, letting his wife down would "be under control," as the society that normalizes wives being taken for granted facilitates this phenomenon.
2. Cultural Expectations and Patriarchal Narratives
Balance between bonds
( Image credit : Times Life Bureau )
Men in South Asian, Middle Eastern, and many traditional societies are usually taught, whether it is done deliberately or not, that a “good son” is one who puts his mother first always. Popular sayings such as “Maa ke pairon tale jannat hai” (Heaven lies under a mother’s feet) not only demonstrate but also strengthen the belief that the most sacred duty is to serve the mother. However, Mother-serving, though a very admirable gesture, becomes problematic when the cultural teaching turns to the neglect of the wife’s role. The patriarchal systems also depict wives as “outsiders” who cannot be a part of the family unless they adapt and “earn” their place there. Mothers-in-law are, thus, portrayed as the unchallenged ruling class, and wives are given the role of being in the shade. Such a disbalance of power keeps men in the position of a “dutiful son” rather than that of a “supportive husband.”
3. The Comfort Zone Factor
4. Role Confusion: When Mothers Don’t Let Go
Role conflict
( Image credit : Times Life Bureau )
One more factor has to do with mothers themselves when they do not change their role after their son got married. It is such a situation that some mothers do not separate from their sons in any emotional or other spheres and, thus, they take over the daily decisions, finances, and even the couple’s private matters. Under such circumstances, the reason for the husband not giving his wife attention is not that he wants to harm her but it is because his mother is there, next to him, as the central figure of his adult life. The transition from “being a mother” to “being a controller” is so indistinguished that it often makes the wives get the feeling of being invisible. The husband who is stuck in this situation decides on the one that is the most familiar (his mother) rather than the difficult (his wife’s rightful place as his partner)
5. The Silent Sacrifice of Wives
Wife feeling left out
( Image credit : Times Life Bureau )
One of the least recognized reasons that husbands do not pay attention to their wives is the fact that wives themselves are used to the situation and still remain silent. Women are usually instructed to "adjust," "understand," and "not have conflicts with the mother-in-law." They are urged to keep quiet for the sake of the peace of the family, even when their emotional needs are ignored all the time. Such a silence empowers the husband's conduct. Since he is not confronted, therefore, no trouble happens to him because he keeps on giving a higher priority to his mother. Thus by the time a woman becomes invisible - not because of lack of worth but due to the fact that she has been given the impression that she should suppress her voice in the relationship.
Final note:
FAQs (Frequently Asked Questions):
Is it wrong for a husband to value his mother?
No, but the balance must not come at his wife’s expense.What role do mothers play in this imbalance?
Some mothers overstep, blurring roles and unintentionally sidelining the wife.How can husbands balance respect for mother and wife?
By treating both relationships equally, with maturity and fairness.