Why Indian Men Fear Marriage and Why They're Not Wrong
Riya Kumari | Jul 11, 2025, 23:52 IST
( Image credit : Unsplash, Timeslife )
Let’s start with the obvious, Indian weddings are stunning. The colors, the music, the dancing aunties, the seven rounds of fire and food and opinions. It’s basically Coachella meets Game of Thrones, minus the dragons but with all the family politics. But once the last laddu is eaten and the matching outfits are folded away, there’s a deafening silence.
We often paint Indian men who avoid marriage as confused, commitment-phobic man-children who just don’t want to grow up. It’s a comforting explanation, simple, familiar, and easy to mock. But the truth is far less convenient. Many of them are not afraid of marriage because they’re immature. They’re afraid of it because they’ve thought it through. They’ve watched their fathers shrink. Seen their uncles stay silent. Noticed their friends change. And somewhere in all that observing, they’ve begun to ask a terrifying question: What if marriage, as it’s currently designed, asks a man to give everything and receive almost nothing that truly feeds his soul?
1. Men Are Not Afraid of Love. They Are Afraid of Losing Themselves
In this part of the world, marriage isn’t just about choosing a partner. It’s about choosing a role. And that role, for the average Indian man, often comes preloaded with expectations:
2. Marriage Still Feels Like a Transaction. Not a Partnership
We can pretend all we want that Indian marriages today are "modern." But the echoes of the old template still remain. Men are supposed to bring the stability. Women are supposed to bring the softness. The man must earn more. Give more. Sacrifice more. And if he complains? He’s ungrateful. There’s very little room for him to say:
3. The Pressure to Be Perfect Is Quiet, but Crushing
Today’s urban Indian woman is often independent, ambitious, and aware of her worth. As she should be. But the man she marries is expected to match that energy, financially, emotionally, intellectually, without ever stumbling. He can’t break down. He can’t show weakness. He must understand her wounds, meet her needs, and be endlessly supportive...
Even if no one has ever asked what his wounds are. Men aren’t running from responsibility. They’re running from the impossible expectations of being everything, to everyone, all the time.
4. The Idea of “Compromise” Sounds One-Sided
Most men grew up watching mothers compromise everything, dreams, desires, dignity, for peace. So when they’re told, “Marriage is about compromise,” what they hear is: “You will have to disappear, but smile while doing it.”
The idea of sacrificing pieces of themselves for an institution that doesn’t guarantee joy, respect, or growth feels like a bad investment. And truthfully? They’re not wrong. Because for far too many men, marriage doesn’t expand them. It shrinks them.
5. They Want Connection, Not a Contract
Here’s what we miss in the noise, Men do want deep, enduring love. They do crave emotional safety. They do want someone to come home to who sees them, not just their job title, their bank balance, or their usefulness. But they also want space to be human. They want a marriage where being tired isn’t seen as failure. Where being sensitive isn’t mocked. Where being unsure isn’t punished. They don’t want a deal. They want a bond.
So… Are They Wrong to Hesitate? No. They’re not. Because what we call hesitation is, in many cases, just discernment. It’s a thoughtful pause. A desire to build something real, not just follow a ritual. This isn’t about blaming women. Or marriage. Or culture. It’s about finally listening to men when they say:
FINAL THOUGHT:
Not every man who delays marriage is lost. Some of them are just finally finding the courage to not enter something that doesn’t see them fully. They are not afraid of love. They are afraid of disappearing in the name of it.
And maybe, just maybe, it’s time we stopped mocking their fear, and started listening to what it’s trying to protect. Marriage should not be a prison for anyone. It should be a place where two people can take their masks off and still be held. Until that’s possible, for men too, this fear will remain. And perhaps, it should.
1. Men Are Not Afraid of Love. They Are Afraid of Losing Themselves
Man
( Image credit : Pexels )
In this part of the world, marriage isn’t just about choosing a partner. It’s about choosing a role. And that role, for the average Indian man, often comes preloaded with expectations:
- Earn, even when you’re tired.
- Provide, even when you’re broken.
- Protect, even when you’ve never been protected.
- Endure, even when no one asks how you’re doing.
2. Marriage Still Feels Like a Transaction. Not a Partnership
Family
( Image credit : Pexels )
We can pretend all we want that Indian marriages today are "modern." But the echoes of the old template still remain. Men are supposed to bring the stability. Women are supposed to bring the softness. The man must earn more. Give more. Sacrifice more. And if he complains? He’s ungrateful. There’s very little room for him to say:
- I don’t want to be just a wallet.
- I want to be heard, not just obeyed.
- I want to rest too, not just be the resting place.
3. The Pressure to Be Perfect Is Quiet, but Crushing
Man alone
( Image credit : Pexels )
Today’s urban Indian woman is often independent, ambitious, and aware of her worth. As she should be. But the man she marries is expected to match that energy, financially, emotionally, intellectually, without ever stumbling. He can’t break down. He can’t show weakness. He must understand her wounds, meet her needs, and be endlessly supportive...
Even if no one has ever asked what his wounds are. Men aren’t running from responsibility. They’re running from the impossible expectations of being everything, to everyone, all the time.
4. The Idea of “Compromise” Sounds One-Sided
Cry
( Image credit : Pexels )
Most men grew up watching mothers compromise everything, dreams, desires, dignity, for peace. So when they’re told, “Marriage is about compromise,” what they hear is: “You will have to disappear, but smile while doing it.”
The idea of sacrificing pieces of themselves for an institution that doesn’t guarantee joy, respect, or growth feels like a bad investment. And truthfully? They’re not wrong. Because for far too many men, marriage doesn’t expand them. It shrinks them.
5. They Want Connection, Not a Contract
Love
( Image credit : Pexels )
Here’s what we miss in the noise, Men do want deep, enduring love. They do crave emotional safety. They do want someone to come home to who sees them, not just their job title, their bank balance, or their usefulness. But they also want space to be human. They want a marriage where being tired isn’t seen as failure. Where being sensitive isn’t mocked. Where being unsure isn’t punished. They don’t want a deal. They want a bond.
So… Are They Wrong to Hesitate? No. They’re not. Because what we call hesitation is, in many cases, just discernment. It’s a thoughtful pause. A desire to build something real, not just follow a ritual. This isn’t about blaming women. Or marriage. Or culture. It’s about finally listening to men when they say:
- I want more than just duty.
- I want to be loved, not managed.
- I want to matter in this marriage, not just serve it.
FINAL THOUGHT:
And maybe, just maybe, it’s time we stopped mocking their fear, and started listening to what it’s trying to protect. Marriage should not be a prison for anyone. It should be a place where two people can take their masks off and still be held. Until that’s possible, for men too, this fear will remain. And perhaps, it should.