Why Indian Parents Failed at Love, But Still Expect You to Succeed at Marriage
Riya Kumari | Jul 10, 2025, 23:55 IST
( Image credit : Pexels, Timeslife )
Let me set the scene: You’re 28, on your third Shaadi.com profile revision, sipping iced coffee laced with emotional exhaustion, when your mom glides in like a well-meaning but slightly judgmental fairy godmother and drops the line: “We didn’t fall in love either, but look at us now. Thirty-two years of marriage.”
Our parents didn’t choose love. They chose duty. Family. Timing. Horoscope charts. And still, they expect us to choose better, feel more, stay longer. They didn’t teach us how to love. But they expect us to make love last. And we wonder why so many of us are tired before we even begin.
Many of our parents didn’t fall in love. They were placed in marriages the way two puzzle pieces are pressed together, even if the edges didn’t really fit. It wasn’t personal. It was cultural. Structural. Practical. Marriage wasn’t about emotional intimacy. It was about stability. Economics. Reputation. A quiet hope that “feelings will come later.”
And sometimes they did. But more often, what came later was endurance. Familiarity. Tired compromises packaged as “adjustment.” And here we are—told to find “real connection,” but without a model of what that even looks like.
2. We inherited their structure, but not their silence
Our parents didn’t talk about love. They didn’t show affection easily. Many of us never saw them hold hands. But we’ve grown up in a world where love is not just desired—it’s demanded. We want emotional safety, vulnerability, deep companionship. And somewhere in between reels on healthy boundaries and family pressure to settle down, we’re left with a strange ache:
How do you build something you were never shown?
Because when love has been reduced to logistics for generations, trying to make it feel like home again can feel almost impossible.
3. Their love was quiet. But sometimes, it was absent
Let’s tell the truth gently. Not all of our parents’ marriages were unhappy. But many were deeply lonely. A father who came home and turned on the TV louder than he spoke. A mother who gave endlessly but never felt truly seen. Arguments that never ended in resolution, only silence. Intimacy that was more routine than real.
And yet, that is the template we were handed. That’s what many of us were raised in—not abuse, not disaster, but emotional poverty. So when they tell us to “just get married, you’ll figure it out,” we’re not being dramatic when we hesitate. We’re being careful.
4. We are the in-between generation. And it’s heavy
We carry the weight of their sacrifices. We also carry the grief of what they never got to experience. So we feel guilty. Guilty for wanting more than they had. Guilty for not settling the way they did. Guilty for delaying timelines they never questioned.
But guilt is not the same as gratitude. And love built out of guilt will always rot at the core.
5. This is not rebellion. It’s repair
When we say no to marriages that feel empty, when we stay single because our hearts are still healing, when we choose therapy over tolerance, we’re not insulting their choices. We are healing the parts they had no language for. We are giving ourselves what they never received.
Because maybe our generation’s task isn’t to replicate love. It’s to redefine it. Not as duty. Not as sacrifice. But as understanding. Presence. Partnership.
What now?
If you feel behind, you’re not. You’re just walking a road that wasn’t paved for you. You’re building something that isn’t built on fear. And that kind of love takes time. So take it. Take all the time you need. Because love is not late. Love is learning again what home could be.
And you, you get to be the first in your family line who chooses love with your eyes open. That’s not failure. That’s legacy.
1. They weren’t taught love. They were taught survival
Marriage
( Image credit : Pexels )
Many of our parents didn’t fall in love. They were placed in marriages the way two puzzle pieces are pressed together, even if the edges didn’t really fit. It wasn’t personal. It was cultural. Structural. Practical. Marriage wasn’t about emotional intimacy. It was about stability. Economics. Reputation. A quiet hope that “feelings will come later.”
And sometimes they did. But more often, what came later was endurance. Familiarity. Tired compromises packaged as “adjustment.” And here we are—told to find “real connection,” but without a model of what that even looks like.
2. We inherited their structure, but not their silence
Wedding
( Image credit : Pexels )
Our parents didn’t talk about love. They didn’t show affection easily. Many of us never saw them hold hands. But we’ve grown up in a world where love is not just desired—it’s demanded. We want emotional safety, vulnerability, deep companionship. And somewhere in between reels on healthy boundaries and family pressure to settle down, we’re left with a strange ache:
How do you build something you were never shown?
Because when love has been reduced to logistics for generations, trying to make it feel like home again can feel almost impossible.
3. Their love was quiet. But sometimes, it was absent
Indian wedding
( Image credit : Pexels )
Let’s tell the truth gently. Not all of our parents’ marriages were unhappy. But many were deeply lonely. A father who came home and turned on the TV louder than he spoke. A mother who gave endlessly but never felt truly seen. Arguments that never ended in resolution, only silence. Intimacy that was more routine than real.
And yet, that is the template we were handed. That’s what many of us were raised in—not abuse, not disaster, but emotional poverty. So when they tell us to “just get married, you’ll figure it out,” we’re not being dramatic when we hesitate. We’re being careful.
4. We are the in-between generation. And it’s heavy
Wedding ceremony
( Image credit : Pexels )
We carry the weight of their sacrifices. We also carry the grief of what they never got to experience. So we feel guilty. Guilty for wanting more than they had. Guilty for not settling the way they did. Guilty for delaying timelines they never questioned.
But guilt is not the same as gratitude. And love built out of guilt will always rot at the core.
5. This is not rebellion. It’s repair
Indian marriage
( Image credit : Pexels )
When we say no to marriages that feel empty, when we stay single because our hearts are still healing, when we choose therapy over tolerance, we’re not insulting their choices. We are healing the parts they had no language for. We are giving ourselves what they never received.
Because maybe our generation’s task isn’t to replicate love. It’s to redefine it. Not as duty. Not as sacrifice. But as understanding. Presence. Partnership.
What now?
And you, you get to be the first in your family line who chooses love with your eyes open. That’s not failure. That’s legacy.