Why Indian Parents Spend on Dowry but Not on Daughters
Riya Kumari | Aug 26, 2025, 16:34 IST
( Image credit : Unsplash )
Highlight of the story: A daughter does not need ornaments of gold, she needs the strength of opportunity. She does not ask for dowry, she asks for dignity. The greatest gift a parent can give her is not wealth handed over at her wedding, but wings that last her lifetime. One day, society will realize that the true dowry of a daughter is her courage, her education, her freedom and those are treasures no one can demand, only nurture.
From the day a daughter is born, many families begin saving. But what are they saving for? Not her education, not her ambitions, not the foundation of her independence, but for the dowry they will one day hand over to another family. The irony is heartbreaking. Parents who hesitate to pay her tuition fees willingly arrange gold, property, and cash for her wedding. A system that calls itself “tradition” silently teaches us: a daughter is an expense, not an investment. This is not just a story of money. It is the story of where a society chooses to place value.
Dowry is not only about money changing hands. It is about fear. Parents fear rejection, gossip, humiliation. They fear their daughter being called a “burden.” So they pay, hoping the transaction will buy her acceptance. In truth, it buys silence.
At the same time, dowry has become a display of status. The more a family spends, the more respect they believe they earn in society. But the tragedy is that this respect never transfers to the daughter. She remains secondary, celebrated on her wedding day but invisible before and after.
Education, skills, and self-reliance cost far less than the gold and cars exchanged in a single wedding. Yet many parents see those as optional. Why? Because dowry is visible; education is not. Dowry “proves” to the world that they did their duty. Education only empowers the daughter and in a culture shaped by patriarchy, that empowerment is seen as threatening.
Every time a parent chooses dowry over education, they confirm the very mindset that keeps women dependent. They prepare their daughter not for life, but for bargaining.
Parents often justify dowry by saying, “It is for her security. It will keep her marriage stable.” But can money protect her if the husband does not respect her? Can gold guarantee love? In reality, this logic treats marriage like a business deal. The daughter becomes the “product” that must be packaged with enough incentives to be accepted.
This is where the contradiction is sharpest: the same parents who claim they love their daughter end up treating her like a transaction.
What parents do not realize is that a daughter who is educated, confident, and independent brings more honor than any dowry ever could. She does not need her life to be purchased; she creates her own value. The true “status” of a family is not in the size of the dowry given but in the strength of the daughter raised.
Breaking this cycle is not easy. It requires courage, the courage to face gossip, to say “no” when society expects “yes,” and to invest in a daughter’s mind instead of her marriage market.
If you can save for her dowry, why not save for her dreams? If you can spend lakhs to send her away to another house, why not spend the same to make her capable of building her own?
Until Indian parents can answer this honestly, daughters will remain decorated but denied, celebrated but sacrificed. And our society will keep paying for marriages while starving the very minds that could change it.
The Currency of Fear and Status
Money
( Image credit : Unsplash )
Dowry is not only about money changing hands. It is about fear. Parents fear rejection, gossip, humiliation. They fear their daughter being called a “burden.” So they pay, hoping the transaction will buy her acceptance. In truth, it buys silence.
At the same time, dowry has become a display of status. The more a family spends, the more respect they believe they earn in society. But the tragedy is that this respect never transfers to the daughter. She remains secondary, celebrated on her wedding day but invisible before and after.
The Forgotten Investment
School
( Image credit : Unsplash )
Education, skills, and self-reliance cost far less than the gold and cars exchanged in a single wedding. Yet many parents see those as optional. Why? Because dowry is visible; education is not. Dowry “proves” to the world that they did their duty. Education only empowers the daughter and in a culture shaped by patriarchy, that empowerment is seen as threatening.
Every time a parent chooses dowry over education, they confirm the very mindset that keeps women dependent. They prepare their daughter not for life, but for bargaining.
When Love Becomes Transaction
Marriage
( Image credit : Unsplash )
Parents often justify dowry by saying, “It is for her security. It will keep her marriage stable.” But can money protect her if the husband does not respect her? Can gold guarantee love? In reality, this logic treats marriage like a business deal. The daughter becomes the “product” that must be packaged with enough incentives to be accepted.
This is where the contradiction is sharpest: the same parents who claim they love their daughter end up treating her like a transaction.
The Wisdom We Refuse to See
Indian Daughter
( Image credit : Unsplash )
What parents do not realize is that a daughter who is educated, confident, and independent brings more honor than any dowry ever could. She does not need her life to be purchased; she creates her own value. The true “status” of a family is not in the size of the dowry given but in the strength of the daughter raised.
Breaking this cycle is not easy. It requires courage, the courage to face gossip, to say “no” when society expects “yes,” and to invest in a daughter’s mind instead of her marriage market.
A Question That Must Linger
Until Indian parents can answer this honestly, daughters will remain decorated but denied, celebrated but sacrificed. And our society will keep paying for marriages while starving the very minds that could change it.