Why Indian Women Stay in Bad Marriages And Think It’s Their Dharma
Riya Kumari | Aug 08, 2025, 06:11 IST
( Image credit : Unsplash )
Highlight of the story: That somewhere between learning how to make perfect round rotis and memorizing all the rituals for Karwa Chauth, we also internalized the idea that being miserable in marriage is a spiritual skill. Like if your husband forgets your birthday for the fifth year in a row, it’s a test from the universe to see if you’re wife material… or just another modern girl who eats avocado toast and wants respect.
Marriage is not the enemy. Let’s start there. Love, companionship, building a life with someone, that’s not the problem. The problem is the quiet, daily shrinking of a woman inside a marriage, and the applause she’s expected to earn for doing it gracefully. I’m not here to throw stones at tradition. I understand it. I was raised in it. But there comes a time, often quietly, often during some late-night kitchen chore no one else will notice, when a woman begins to realise: This isn't partnership. This is performance. And worse, she’s the only one still performing.
Marriage isn’t hard. What’s hard is being the only one trying
Every marriage has its seasons. No one expects fireworks every Tuesday or love poems by the sink. But there’s a difference between the natural erosion of romance and the consistent absence of respect. Too many women live in homes where conversations are functional but never emotional. Where the husband comes home, eats, scrolls, sleeps. Where she carries the mental load, emotional labour, domestic duties, all silently, because “he works hard.” But so does she.
She works at peacekeeping. At absorbing taunts from in-laws without letting it spill into her child’s day. At swallowing her own sadness because no one in that house knows what to do with it. She works at holding the home together while losing pieces of herself she never thought she’d sacrifice.
So why does she stay?
It’s not always fear. Sometimes it’s something worse, internalised nobility. She stays because she’s been taught that a “good woman” endures. That pain is part of the deal. That if she leaves, she’s breaking something sacred, not just a marriage, but an entire legacy of women who stayed before her.
What no one tells her is: just because your mother survived it, doesn’t mean you’re meant to repeat it. We call it dharma. A big word. A heavy word. But somewhere along the way, we reduced it to silence, suffering, and staying small.
Let’s talk about dharma, then. The real kind
True dharma isn’t about being loyal to suffering. It’s about being loyal to truth. And if the truth of your marriage is loneliness, disrespect, indifference, then staying isn’t strength. It’s self-abandonment. Marriage, at its best, is meant to be a space where two people grow, not one person grows at the cost of the other’s depletion.
Dharma isn’t blind obedience. It’s conscious alignment. It’s the ability to look your life in the eye and ask: Is this sacred? Or just socially acceptable?
“But he’s not a bad man…”
You will hear this often. You will say this to yourself. And it may even be true. He may not raise his hand. He may pay the bills. He may be a “decent guy.” But the question is: Is he your partner? Or just someone you live with? Does he see you? Does he respect your mind, your boundaries, your emotions? Does he make room for you, or just expect you to adjust to his?
Decency is the bare minimum. It is not a reward. A woman doesn’t owe her life to a man just because he didn’t hurt her.
Children are not hostages
Many women stay “for the kids.” But children are smarter than we think. They watch how you’re spoken to. They notice who does the emotional heavy lifting. And they learn, not from what you preach, but from what you permit. When a mother accepts neglect as normal, she teaches her daughter to do the same. When she stays silent under the weight of humiliation, she teaches her son that women should bend.
Leaving isn't failure. Sometimes, it’s the first time you’re choosing honesty over illusion and that, too, is dharma. Not all unhappy marriages end in divorce. Some stay and die quietly.
Final thought.
If you're in a marriage where you're constantly convincing yourself that this is just how it is, pause. Breathe. Ask yourself: Is this how I imagined love would feel? Is this what partnership looks like? Am I still in this because I want to be or because I don’t know how to leave? And whatever answer comes, listen to it. Not with fear. But with maturity. With clarity. With the courage to honour your inner voice, even if it shakes a little when it speaks.
Because sometimes the bravest thing a woman can do isn’t to stay. It’s to finally stop pretending she’s okay. And start building a life where she actually is.
Marriage isn’t hard. What’s hard is being the only one trying
Love
( Image credit : Unsplash )
Every marriage has its seasons. No one expects fireworks every Tuesday or love poems by the sink. But there’s a difference between the natural erosion of romance and the consistent absence of respect. Too many women live in homes where conversations are functional but never emotional. Where the husband comes home, eats, scrolls, sleeps. Where she carries the mental load, emotional labour, domestic duties, all silently, because “he works hard.” But so does she.
She works at peacekeeping. At absorbing taunts from in-laws without letting it spill into her child’s day. At swallowing her own sadness because no one in that house knows what to do with it. She works at holding the home together while losing pieces of herself she never thought she’d sacrifice.
So why does she stay?
Cooking
( Image credit : Unsplash )
It’s not always fear. Sometimes it’s something worse, internalised nobility. She stays because she’s been taught that a “good woman” endures. That pain is part of the deal. That if she leaves, she’s breaking something sacred, not just a marriage, but an entire legacy of women who stayed before her.
What no one tells her is: just because your mother survived it, doesn’t mean you’re meant to repeat it. We call it dharma. A big word. A heavy word. But somewhere along the way, we reduced it to silence, suffering, and staying small.
Let’s talk about dharma, then. The real kind
Washing
( Image credit : Unsplash )
True dharma isn’t about being loyal to suffering. It’s about being loyal to truth. And if the truth of your marriage is loneliness, disrespect, indifference, then staying isn’t strength. It’s self-abandonment. Marriage, at its best, is meant to be a space where two people grow, not one person grows at the cost of the other’s depletion.
Dharma isn’t blind obedience. It’s conscious alignment. It’s the ability to look your life in the eye and ask: Is this sacred? Or just socially acceptable?
“But he’s not a bad man…”
Painting
( Image credit : Unsplash )
You will hear this often. You will say this to yourself. And it may even be true. He may not raise his hand. He may pay the bills. He may be a “decent guy.” But the question is: Is he your partner? Or just someone you live with? Does he see you? Does he respect your mind, your boundaries, your emotions? Does he make room for you, or just expect you to adjust to his?
Decency is the bare minimum. It is not a reward. A woman doesn’t owe her life to a man just because he didn’t hurt her.
Children are not hostages
Mother
( Image credit : Unsplash )
Many women stay “for the kids.” But children are smarter than we think. They watch how you’re spoken to. They notice who does the emotional heavy lifting. And they learn, not from what you preach, but from what you permit. When a mother accepts neglect as normal, she teaches her daughter to do the same. When she stays silent under the weight of humiliation, she teaches her son that women should bend.
Leaving isn't failure. Sometimes, it’s the first time you’re choosing honesty over illusion and that, too, is dharma. Not all unhappy marriages end in divorce. Some stay and die quietly.
Final thought.
Because sometimes the bravest thing a woman can do isn’t to stay. It’s to finally stop pretending she’s okay. And start building a life where she actually is.