Why Men Often Marry Who’s Available, Not Who They Truly Love

Men, sometimes (don’t shoot the messenger here), marry for convenience. Yeah, you heard me right—convenience. Life’s busy. It’s filled with deadlines, job stress, and the overwhelming need to remember where you left your keys (a constant struggle). It’s easy for someone to fall into the trap of "Hey, this person is right here, right now." And bam—enter the "available" partner. Cue the "romantic comedy" music because everything is going so well, or so it seems. But... let’s be honest. Men, like everyone else, are influenced by societal pressures. And sometimes, these pressures (whether from family, peers, or even their own inner clock ticking down faster than a New Year’s countdown) push them to prioritize convenience over passion. Why bother with a long-distance relationship when you could just drive down the road, grab some dinner, and have a Netflix night, right? It’s not lazy. It’s pragmatic, according to the "getting older and trying to make sense of life" school of thought. A little too pragmatic, if you ask me, but hey, who am I to judge?


When you’ve been friends with someone for years, or they’re constantly around, they become that convenient little cushion you can sit on while navigating the chaos of life. The chemistry might not be on fire like in the movies, but it’s warm. It's familiar. And here’s where men, like the rest of us, get into dangerous territory: staying in a relationship that feels easy instead of pursuing the one that requires more risk, vulnerability, and, dare I say, actual effort. Men get comfortable with someone who’s familiar. It's like wearing your favorite pair of sweatpants—soft, worn-in, doesn’t require any thought. It's easy. But here's where things go off track: You might find yourself stuck in this comfortable, but oh-so-boring zone. And guess what? That fire in the heart, the excitement? Yeah, it’s gone, replaced by “Do you want Chinese or pizza?”


Sometimes it’s because there’s that deep, almost-secret fear of change. What if you leave behind the security of what you know for something that might not work? Relationships take work. Real, hard, messy work. And some men just aren’t ready to trade the convenience of "available" for the possibility of "ideal." You see, venturing into the unknown can be terrifying. A lot of men (yes, even the confident ones) are afraid of taking the leap with someone who could be the one. So instead, they settle. And while that might seem like a safe bet, it often leads to more questions later on. Questions like, “Wait, was this what I really wanted?” or “Why do I feel so... bored?”


Don’t get me wrong, it's not that men are clueless or, you know, avoiding love altogether. But there's this sneaky, little syndrome I like to call The "It’s Just Easier" Syndrome. You know the one, right? When life gets hectic, and instead of fighting for something meaningful, they go for what's easiest. It's not that they don't have feelings—they do—but sometimes, that feeling of "I need to get this done" is just louder. Someone who’s “good enough,” who isn’t going to make you re-examine your whole life. You get home from a long day and the last thing you need is to feel emotionally drained from navigating yet another complicated situation. So, you go with the safe choice.. Easier means less effort, less thinking. Just easy. So they marry who’s available because it's... there.


Society’s watching, the clock's ticking, and the unsolicited advice from everyone (including your aunt who's obsessed with wedding bells) is hard to ignore. This pressure can cloud judgment. It’s the classic scenario: you’re not rushing, but it feels like everyone else around you is, so it must be time, right? So, the first person who seems good enough, well, you settle. You start looking around, ticking off boxes—good job? Check. Cute? Check. Likes dogs? Check. She’s “good enough,” right? But here’s the catch: you’re not just settling down with a person; you’re settling down with a life. And if that life isn’t what you really want, you’re stuck in a boring, safe existence that doesn’t exactly scream excitement. You don’t need “settling” as your relationship goal; you need something that makes your heart skip a beat.


There's something deeply unsettling about being alone, about not having someone to hang out with on weekends, or share those awkward moments with. But here's the catch: settling for someone just because they're available means you might avoid loneliness—but the longer you stay, the more you’ll realize loneliness doesn’t disappear just because you have someone next to you. It's just quieter. It’s like a half-baked comfort that you settle for because the other option just feels too damn scary. But remember, loneliness is an inside job. It doesn’t just disappear because you have a body next to you. If you don’t want to feel empty, you need to make sure you’re filling your life with things that matter—starting with the right person.


Men, in general, are taught to focus on career, success, and being providers. Self-awareness? Sometimes men don't even know what they truly want until they really think about it. When you're constantly surrounded by external expectations, it’s easy to lose touch with your inner desires. You get so caught up in what should work that you forget what would work for you. And boom, you’re halfway down the aisle with someone who fits the mold but not the heart. So, when the time comes to choose a partner, you’re not necessarily choosing with your heart—you’re choosing with the closest thing you have available. It’s about what fits the picture, not what makes you feel alive.


You’ve got a solid job, your families like each other, you get along just fine. It makes sense, right? You’ve checked all the boxes. At some point, you convince yourself that the “logical” choice is the right one. You look at the girl you’re with, and on paper, everything checks out. She’s smart, she’s reliable, she’s got it together. But the real question is: Does she make your heart race? Does she bring out the best in you? Or is she just “good enough” to get you through the next few years? It’s time to start making decisions based on what truly feels right, not just what makes sense at the moment. But here's the kicker: just because something is logical doesn't make it right. Sometimes the heart doesn’t work in spreadsheets.


Heartbreak can make you question your whole existence, and sometimes, the idea of avoiding it is so appealing that you’d rather take the safe route. But here’s the thing: heartbreak is inevitable. You can’t run from it forever. You can stay in a “safe” relationship and avoid the pain for a while, but eventually, that hollow feeling catches up with you. Don’t let fear of heartbreak stop you from finding what truly lights you up. The right person may just be worth the risk. The longer you put off real love, the more likely you are to wake up one day, years down the line, realizing you’re stuck in a rut with someone who never truly made your pulse race. You avoided the pain of heartbreak, sure. But you might have ended up with a bigger regret: the fear of never experiencing real love. The heart has an amazing ability to heal, but it can only do so if you give it the chance to love freely. If you hide behind “safe” relationships, you’re holding back your own happiness. And, guess what? The heartbreak you’re avoiding now? It’s likely to come back in a different form—only this time, it’ll be the heartbreak of a life unlived.