Why Does Having Children Feel Like a Burden for So Many Today?

For our parents, having children was never a question of if it was simply when. Parenthood was a natural extension of marriage, a social duty, and a source of pride. In many homes, children arrived within a year or two of the wedding, and planning barely went beyond counting the months.

Today, that mindset has changed entirely. Among modern Indian couples, the decision to have a child is one of the most discussed, debated, and delayed conversations in marriage. Parenthood now feels like a project that requires emotional readiness, financial planning, and mental strength. What was once considered a normal stage of life now feels like a heavy responsibility.
Why has this shift happened? The reasons are not just personal, but deeply social, biological, and psychological.
For earlier generations, children were linked to family identity and social status. Having a child meant continuing the family line, securing support in old age, and fulfilling cultural expectations. In rural and semi-urban India, large families were common because children also contributed to household work and economic stability.

Modern couples do not see parenthood through the same lens. The idea of family is no longer about continuation, but about choice. Couples now ask themselves whether they want to have a child, not whether they should. This emotional independence is a major shift from obligation to decision.

The financial reality of urban life has made child planning far more complicated than before. Education, healthcare, housing, and childcare costs have risen sharply. According to a 2023 Statista report, the average cost of raising one child in urban India from birth to age 21 can range from ₹30 lakh to ₹1 crore, depending on lifestyle and schooling choices.

Earlier generations lived in joint families where resources were shared. Today, nuclear households carry the entire financial load themselves. For dual-income couples who are already paying EMIs and rent, the idea of adding another dependent often feels financially stressful, not fulfilling.

Work-life balance has become one of the biggest psychological barriers to early parenthood. Both partners today often work in high-pressure environments with long commutes and little rest. According to a 2024 survey by Deloitte, over 80 percent of Indian millennials report work-related burnout.

When the body and mind are already exhausted, the thought of raising a child — which demands constant attention and energy — naturally feels overwhelming. Unlike earlier times, where one parent (mostly the mother) stayed home, both partners now juggle full-time jobs and household responsibilities. Many couples simply feel too tired to add another role to their already stretched lives.

Couples today marry later, often between the ages of 28 and 35. This delay has shifted the biological window for conception. While medical science allows for late pregnancies, emotional and physical readiness often do not align.

Earlier generations started families young, when physical energy was higher and external expectations were lower. Modern couples, on the other hand, often spend the first few years after marriage stabilizing their careers or paying off loans. By the time they feel ready, the biological timeline begins to feel limited, which adds a new kind of pressure.

Many modern individuals fear that having a child will mean losing personal freedom, travel plans, hobbies, or even their relationship dynamic. In a world that celebrates self-growth and independence, parenthood can seem like a permanent pause button.

Earlier generations rarely viewed it that way. Life revolved around family and community, not self-fulfillment. But for today’s couples, personal growth is seen as essential to happiness. Parenthood, therefore, becomes a decision weighed against individual aspirations.

Today’s couples are exposed to vast amounts of parenting advice and information. While awareness is good, it has also created anxiety. Online forums, influencer parents, and expert opinions have made people believe that parenting must be perfect.

This perfectionism creates fear — fear of not being good enough, fear of damaging a child’s mental health, fear of making irreversible mistakes. Many couples overthink parenting before it even begins. For earlier generations, there was no “parenting style.” People simply raised children with whatever they had. Today, it feels like a test you must prepare years for.

Relationships themselves have changed. Earlier, marriages were defined by shared responsibilities and extended family involvement. Now, they are based more on emotional connection, equality, and personal space. Many couples want to strengthen their bond before taking on parenthood.

Research from the Indian Journal of Family Studies (2022) found that couples who wait longer to have children often do so to prioritize relationship stability. They fear that bringing a child too early might strain their partnership. This focus on emotional readiness is new, and while it leads to healthier relationships, it also delays parenthood.

The global backdrop of climate change, economic instability, and political tension has influenced how young people view the future. Many couples question whether the world their child will grow up in will be safe, stable, or sustainable.

A 2021 international study published in The Lancet found that nearly 40 percent of young adults feel hesitant to have children due to climate concerns. The same sentiment echoes in urban India, where the idea of bringing a child into a chaotic world feels morally complex to some.