Why Women Lose Themselves in Love, But Men Never Do
Riya Kumari | Jan 13, 2025, 23:43 IST
You know how it goes. You meet someone, fall head over heels, and suddenly your world starts orbiting theirs. Your favorite food? Oh, it’s their favorite food now. Your weekend plans? Adjusted to fit around their soccer league. Meanwhile, they’re over there, living their best uninterrupted lives, completely unbothered by this whirlwind of compromise you’re spinning around them. It’s not their fault, exactly—it’s like they’ve been handed some cosmic cheat code for keeping their sense of self intact. But don’t worry, we’re going to break it down, one painfully relatable truth at a time.
You ever notice how falling in love hits women like a full-blown identity makeover, while men stroll through it like they’re picking up a new hobby? One moment, you’re an independent, latte-sipping goddess with a five-year plan; the next, you’re Googling his birth chart and forgetting your gym schedule because “he might text.” Meanwhile, he’s still playing Xbox, planning boys' trips, and acting like nothing in his life has shifted. It’s maddening, isn’t it? But also kind of fascinating. Why do we go all-in while they stay effortlessly themselves? Let’s unpack this frustrating (but oh-so-true) phenomenon.
1. We’re programmed for emotional gymnastics
You know how you can tell a woman’s in love by the way she suddenly knows how to juggle her career, friends, hobbies, and a man’s emotional baggage all at once? Well, that's because we’re biologically and culturally hardwired to do the emotional heavy lifting. Men? They’re like, “Oh, I have feelings?” Uh, sure, buddy. But we—oh, we’re out here bending over backwards, constantly doing pirouettes to keep everything balanced while barely catching a breath. And what's our reward? A nice, long "thank you" text. Oh, the romance.
2. We want to lose ourselves, but in the wrong way
It’s not that we don’t know we’re losing ourselves. We do. We’re well aware. But let’s face it: There's something sort of intoxicating about it. It’s like that first sip of wine when you know you should’ve eaten something first, but you’re like, "I’ll just go with the flow." Losing yourself in love feels like a plot twist that you didn’t see coming. You’re so convinced that maybe this one time, the fairy tale’s not going to involve a midnight exit and a pumpkin. Except…spoiler alert: it’s still just a pumpkin, and your glass slipper’s broken. But hey, at least you had the ride, right?
3. We’re supposed to “give” and “nurture”
Oh, you’ve heard this one before. The whole “women are natural nurturers” line—cue eye roll. Men, on the other hand, have a handy-dandy “I am already enough” card they can play. We, however, are expected to be the emotional caretakers, the ones who give, give, give… until our hearts are practically empty, and we’re still smiling, because what else are we supposed to do? Men? Well, they get to take, or just enjoy the ride. And somehow, their self-love never seems to run out. Amazing.
4. We see potential; they see convenience
Here’s the thing: women fall in love with what could be. We love to imagine a future where all the stars align, where our guy does his own emotional growth (spoiler: it rarely happens), and where everything’s just so beautifully imperfect. Meanwhile, men? They’re in love with what is. The reality. So when it’s going well, they’re like, “Yeah, this works for me,” and when it’s not? They’re gone quicker than you can say “commitment issues.” No emotional turbulence. No rewriting the script. Just a “yeah, this is fine.” Unreal.
5. We romanticize; they rationalize
Have you ever noticed that women are basically out here writing epic love letters to their boyfriends before they’ve even made a decision about getting a pet together? It's this romantic fantasy where we imagine him as our knight in shining armor, even if he’s just a guy who can’t commit to pizza toppings. Men? They’re too busy rationalizing, checking off mental boxes about compatibility and practicality. They’re not in love with the idea of love. They’re in love with the real thing, which doesn’t always need to make sense. We, however, can’t help but picture fireworks with a side of mozzarella sticks.
6. We think love is a project; they think it’s a vacation
Ever notice how a woman’s love life can often feel like a full-blown project? We’re out here putting in the effort, fixing things, solving problems, and tending to every little detail, like we’re designing the world’s most delicate piece of art. Men? They view love like a vacation. All the fun, none of the work. It's like, “Oh, you need me to show up for dinner? Cool, I'll put in my token effort and then I’ll retreat into my safe little world of zero responsibilities.” You’re out here being a human Swiss army knife, and he’s just chilling on the beach in a pair of sunglasses. No stress. No drama. Just vibes.
1. We’re programmed for emotional gymnastics
Emotional
You know how you can tell a woman’s in love by the way she suddenly knows how to juggle her career, friends, hobbies, and a man’s emotional baggage all at once? Well, that's because we’re biologically and culturally hardwired to do the emotional heavy lifting. Men? They’re like, “Oh, I have feelings?” Uh, sure, buddy. But we—oh, we’re out here bending over backwards, constantly doing pirouettes to keep everything balanced while barely catching a breath. And what's our reward? A nice, long "thank you" text. Oh, the romance.
2. We want to lose ourselves, but in the wrong way
Sad woman
It’s not that we don’t know we’re losing ourselves. We do. We’re well aware. But let’s face it: There's something sort of intoxicating about it. It’s like that first sip of wine when you know you should’ve eaten something first, but you’re like, "I’ll just go with the flow." Losing yourself in love feels like a plot twist that you didn’t see coming. You’re so convinced that maybe this one time, the fairy tale’s not going to involve a midnight exit and a pumpkin. Except…spoiler alert: it’s still just a pumpkin, and your glass slipper’s broken. But hey, at least you had the ride, right?
3. We’re supposed to “give” and “nurture”
Cooking
Oh, you’ve heard this one before. The whole “women are natural nurturers” line—cue eye roll. Men, on the other hand, have a handy-dandy “I am already enough” card they can play. We, however, are expected to be the emotional caretakers, the ones who give, give, give… until our hearts are practically empty, and we’re still smiling, because what else are we supposed to do? Men? Well, they get to take, or just enjoy the ride. And somehow, their self-love never seems to run out. Amazing.
4. We see potential; they see convenience
Proposal
Here’s the thing: women fall in love with what could be. We love to imagine a future where all the stars align, where our guy does his own emotional growth (spoiler: it rarely happens), and where everything’s just so beautifully imperfect. Meanwhile, men? They’re in love with what is. The reality. So when it’s going well, they’re like, “Yeah, this works for me,” and when it’s not? They’re gone quicker than you can say “commitment issues.” No emotional turbulence. No rewriting the script. Just a “yeah, this is fine.” Unreal.
5. We romanticize; they rationalize
Couple
Have you ever noticed that women are basically out here writing epic love letters to their boyfriends before they’ve even made a decision about getting a pet together? It's this romantic fantasy where we imagine him as our knight in shining armor, even if he’s just a guy who can’t commit to pizza toppings. Men? They’re too busy rationalizing, checking off mental boxes about compatibility and practicality. They’re not in love with the idea of love. They’re in love with the real thing, which doesn’t always need to make sense. We, however, can’t help but picture fireworks with a side of mozzarella sticks.
6. We think love is a project; they think it’s a vacation
Shooting stars
Ever notice how a woman’s love life can often feel like a full-blown project? We’re out here putting in the effort, fixing things, solving problems, and tending to every little detail, like we’re designing the world’s most delicate piece of art. Men? They view love like a vacation. All the fun, none of the work. It's like, “Oh, you need me to show up for dinner? Cool, I'll put in my token effort and then I’ll retreat into my safe little world of zero responsibilities.” You’re out here being a human Swiss army knife, and he’s just chilling on the beach in a pair of sunglasses. No stress. No drama. Just vibes.