A Friend to All Is a Friend to None: Chanakya Niti
Riya Kumari | Jul 30, 2025, 16:49 IST
( Image credit : Times Life Bureau )
Highlight of the story: There’s a kind of goodness that’s just weakness in disguise. And Chanakya didn’t just spot it, he exposed it, centuries before the world had therapists. Here's the uncomfortable truth behind the smiling faces and the social butterflies we all know (and might be). What if your kindness is the very reason you’re exhausted? Not because being good is wrong. But because it’s been misunderstood.
There’s something unsettling about a person who is everyone’s friend. Not kind. Not loyal. But available. To everyone. All the time. They say yes before understanding what’s being asked. They side with both parties in a conflict and call it “balance.” They call everyone “bro,” “dear,” or “soul sister.” But when your life is falling apart, they somehow vanish into thin air. Centuries ago, He who claims to be a friend to all, is a friend to none. And he didn’t mean it as a metaphor. He meant it as a warning.
The Danger of Being Loved by Everyone
“There is some self-interest behind every friendship. There is no friendship without self-interests. This is a bitter truth.” - Chanakya Let’s say it plainly: People who need to be liked by everyone are the most dangerous kind. Why? Because their loyalty is never to you. Their loyalty is to acceptance. To being seen as “good,” “nice,” “sweet,” or “non-controversial.” This is called impression management. It’s not friendship. It’s image maintenance. It’s a survival mechanism to stay safe in all social settings by becoming whoever the room needs them to be.
But here’s the cost: they cannot take a stand. They cannot defend you when you’re being attacked. They will never risk social disapproval for you. They are friends with your enemies. And to them, that’s normal. Chanakya didn’t admire this. He despised it.
True Loyalty Requires Exclusion
Loyalty requires choosing some people over others. Love demands boundaries. Character is built not by how many people like you, but by who you’re willing to lose for standing by what’s right. Chanakya once said:
The friend who talks sweet in front and does harm in the back, such friend must be left just like a pot of poison with cream of milk on top. You cannot treat the loyal and the opportunist the same way. You cannot offer equal kindness to someone who sacrifices for you and someone who silently watches you bleed. But the “friend to all” does exactly that. They neutralize betrayal by calling it “misunderstanding.” They excuse cowardice by calling it “staying out of drama.” In reality, they just don’t want to pay the price of truth. And people who cannot pay that price are not safe to keep.
Goodness Without Stand Is Just Fear
People think goodness is about saying yes. Chanakya thought otherwise. He believed in strategic silence, calculated distance, and ruthless discernment. If someone lies to your face and you still smile to keep peace, that’s not being mature. That’s being afraid. If someone disrespects your values and you “forgive and forget” without correction, you’re not being spiritual. You’re being spineless. Chanakya wrote:
“A man should not be too honest. Straight trees are cut first.” Meaning? If your goodness makes you predictable, pliable, and easy to exploit, then you’re not good. You’re just convenient.
Always keep in mind,
If someone never takes sides, they’ll never take yours when it counts.If someone says yes to everything, they’ll say yes to betraying you too.
If someone smiles at everyone, you’ll never know who they secretly resent. And perhaps most importantly, Chanakya said:
He who stands with, in good times, bad times, draught, riot, war, king's court and after death; is a real friend.
Everyone’s Favorite Is No One’s Priority
So, the next time you see someone who calls everyone “family,” pause. Ask yourself: Are they truly connected to people, or are they just addicted to attention? Are they kind, or are they terrified of rejection? And if you catch yourself being that person, always available, always agreeable, always performing “niceness” like it’s a job, step back. Because the truth is brutal but freeing:
If you want to matter deeply to a few, you must risk disappointing the many. And that? That’s not cruelty. That’s maturity.
The Danger of Being Loved by Everyone
But here’s the cost: they cannot take a stand. They cannot defend you when you’re being attacked. They will never risk social disapproval for you. They are friends with your enemies. And to them, that’s normal. Chanakya didn’t admire this. He despised it.
True Loyalty Requires Exclusion
The friend who talks sweet in front and does harm in the back, such friend must be left just like a pot of poison with cream of milk on top. You cannot treat the loyal and the opportunist the same way. You cannot offer equal kindness to someone who sacrifices for you and someone who silently watches you bleed. But the “friend to all” does exactly that. They neutralize betrayal by calling it “misunderstanding.” They excuse cowardice by calling it “staying out of drama.” In reality, they just don’t want to pay the price of truth. And people who cannot pay that price are not safe to keep.
Goodness Without Stand Is Just Fear
“A man should not be too honest. Straight trees are cut first.” Meaning? If your goodness makes you predictable, pliable, and easy to exploit, then you’re not good. You’re just convenient.
What True Friendship Really is
If someone never takes sides, they’ll never take yours when it counts.If someone says yes to everything, they’ll say yes to betraying you too.
If someone smiles at everyone, you’ll never know who they secretly resent. And perhaps most importantly, Chanakya said:
He who stands with, in good times, bad times, draught, riot, war, king's court and after death; is a real friend.
Everyone’s Favorite Is No One’s Priority
If you want to matter deeply to a few, you must risk disappointing the many. And that? That’s not cruelty. That’s maturity.