How to Keep Your Standards High Without Apologizing, Chanakya Niti
Riya Kumari | Aug 23, 2025, 23:43 IST
( Image credit : Times Life Bureau )
Highlight of the story: You know that moment when someone calls you “picky” just because you don’t want to spend your Saturday nights with a guy whose idea of romance is ordering “whatever’s cheapest”? Yeah, that. Every time a woman says she has “standards,” the world reacts like she just announced she’s charging rent for oxygen. Suddenly, she’s “too demanding,” “too picky,” or my personal favorite: “unrealistic.” Because apparently, asking for someone who can spell commitment and show up on time is a fantasy worthy of Marvel funding.
Somewhere between “be nice” and “adjust a little,” many of us were quietly trained to believe that standards are selfish. Don’t expect too much. Don’t set the bar too high. Don’t make people uncomfortable. But Chanakya, the political genius who practically invented the blueprint for power, would disagree. For him, low standards were not humility, they were weakness. And weakness, he believed, always gets exploited. Here’s how his ancient wisdom translates into today’s world of relationships, work, and everything in between.
Standards Are Self-Respect
Chanakya said: “Do not be very upright in your dealings, for you would see by going to the forest that straight trees are cut down while crooked ones are left standing.” Translation? If you’re always too simple, too agreeable, too ready to bend, you’ll be the first one broken. High standards don’t make you difficult; they make you unbreakable. They signal to the world: I value myself, so don’t expect me to settle for less.
Say “yes” too often, and suddenly you’re the designated driver, therapist, and part-time loan provider for people who don’t even remember your birthday. But if you dare say “no”? Congratulations. You’ve instantly been promoted to “selfish.” Apparently, boundaries are only cute when other people have them.
Chanakya warned: “A man is great by deeds, not by birth.” If you settle for people who talk big but live small, you end up shrinking yourself to fit their scale. Many call it compromise, but often it’s just self-betrayal dressed up as “being realistic.” Standards protect you from that erosion. They ensure that your life is not measured by what you endured, but by what you chose not to endure.
But hey, society loves a martyr. Stay in a job that underpays you? “So loyal.” Stick with someone who treats you like a back-up plan? “So patient.” Spend your weekends doing favors for people who wouldn’t water your plants if you died? “So kind.” Irony check: the world applauds you for lowering your standards, then quietly respects the people who never did.
Right People Never Fear Your Standards
Here’s a little truth bomb: the people who complain that your standards are “too high” are usually the ones who don’t want to rise. Chanakya said: “Do not live in a country that does not allow you respect, means of living, family, kinsmen, learning, and health.” If a place or a person, cannot offer you the basics of respect and dignity, you owe them nothing. Standards don’t scare away the right ones; they filter them in. They filter out:
The colleague who “forgets” to CC you on important mails but CCs the boss when you miss one comma.The guy who says “let’s split the bill” but somehow only ordered mineral water.Funny how people say, “But you’ll end up alone!” Like being alone is worse than playing unpaid emotional intern for people allergic to effort. We romanticize belonging so much that we tolerate rooms that don’t deserve us. The “friends” who only celebrate your failures because your wins make them itchy. The dates where you lower your bar so much that “he showers daily” suddenly feels like a green flag. Your standards aren’t scaring people away. They’re saving you from auditions in other people’s low-budget dramas.
Silence Is Power, Standards Speak Louder
Confidence isn’t in declaring you “deserve better.” It’s in quietly refusing less. Chanakya advised: “The fragrance of flowers spreads only in the direction of the wind. But the goodness of a person spreads in all directions.” When you hold your ground with dignity, without apology, your standards do the talking. You don’t have to prove your worth; you simply live it. In short: stop announcing your worth.
Just stop showing up for nonsense. Don’t argue. Don’t explain. Just politely excuse yourself from the circus. Trust me, nothing terrifies clowns more than realizing you’ve left the tent. Or in today’s terms: stop explaining yourself. Stop typing out those three-paragraph WhatsApp essays. Just… don’t show up next time. Declining is louder than ranting. Leaving is louder than begging. No “it’s not you, it’s me.” Just… silence. Nothing freaks freeloaders out more than realizing you left the group project they weren’t contributing to in the first place.
Final Thought
Standards are not walls that isolate you, they’re your compass, ensuring you don’t wander into places where your soul doesn’t belong. When you stop apologizing for them, something shifts: the wrong people leave, and the right ones recognize you instantly.
In the end, keeping your standards high is not about being hard to please. It’s about refusing to live a small life when you were meant for a significant one.
Standards Are Self-Respect
Formal
( Image credit : Unsplash )
Chanakya said: “Do not be very upright in your dealings, for you would see by going to the forest that straight trees are cut down while crooked ones are left standing.” Translation? If you’re always too simple, too agreeable, too ready to bend, you’ll be the first one broken. High standards don’t make you difficult; they make you unbreakable. They signal to the world: I value myself, so don’t expect me to settle for less.
Say “yes” too often, and suddenly you’re the designated driver, therapist, and part-time loan provider for people who don’t even remember your birthday. But if you dare say “no”? Congratulations. You’ve instantly been promoted to “selfish.” Apparently, boundaries are only cute when other people have them.
Compromise on Values Is the Beginning of Decline
Selfish
( Image credit : Unsplash )
Chanakya warned: “A man is great by deeds, not by birth.” If you settle for people who talk big but live small, you end up shrinking yourself to fit their scale. Many call it compromise, but often it’s just self-betrayal dressed up as “being realistic.” Standards protect you from that erosion. They ensure that your life is not measured by what you endured, but by what you chose not to endure.
But hey, society loves a martyr. Stay in a job that underpays you? “So loyal.” Stick with someone who treats you like a back-up plan? “So patient.” Spend your weekends doing favors for people who wouldn’t water your plants if you died? “So kind.” Irony check: the world applauds you for lowering your standards, then quietly respects the people who never did.
Right People Never Fear Your Standards
Hand shake
( Image credit : Unsplash )
Here’s a little truth bomb: the people who complain that your standards are “too high” are usually the ones who don’t want to rise. Chanakya said: “Do not live in a country that does not allow you respect, means of living, family, kinsmen, learning, and health.” If a place or a person, cannot offer you the basics of respect and dignity, you owe them nothing. Standards don’t scare away the right ones; they filter them in. They filter out:
The colleague who “forgets” to CC you on important mails but CCs the boss when you miss one comma.The guy who says “let’s split the bill” but somehow only ordered mineral water.Funny how people say, “But you’ll end up alone!” Like being alone is worse than playing unpaid emotional intern for people allergic to effort. We romanticize belonging so much that we tolerate rooms that don’t deserve us. The “friends” who only celebrate your failures because your wins make them itchy. The dates where you lower your bar so much that “he showers daily” suddenly feels like a green flag. Your standards aren’t scaring people away. They’re saving you from auditions in other people’s low-budget dramas.
Silence Is Power, Standards Speak Louder
Smile
( Image credit : Unsplash )
Confidence isn’t in declaring you “deserve better.” It’s in quietly refusing less. Chanakya advised: “The fragrance of flowers spreads only in the direction of the wind. But the goodness of a person spreads in all directions.” When you hold your ground with dignity, without apology, your standards do the talking. You don’t have to prove your worth; you simply live it. In short: stop announcing your worth.
Just stop showing up for nonsense. Don’t argue. Don’t explain. Just politely excuse yourself from the circus. Trust me, nothing terrifies clowns more than realizing you’ve left the tent. Or in today’s terms: stop explaining yourself. Stop typing out those three-paragraph WhatsApp essays. Just… don’t show up next time. Declining is louder than ranting. Leaving is louder than begging. No “it’s not you, it’s me.” Just… silence. Nothing freaks freeloaders out more than realizing you left the group project they weren’t contributing to in the first place.
Final Thought
In the end, keeping your standards high is not about being hard to please. It’s about refusing to live a small life when you were meant for a significant one.