Signs You’re in Love with Their Potential, Not the Person - Chanakya Niti
Riya Kumari | Jul 08, 2025, 17:55 IST
( Image credit : Times Life Bureau, Timeslife )
So there I was, sitting on my couch in mismatched socks, half-eating cold fries and half-texting my group chat, when it hit me — I never really loved him. I loved who I thought he could be... if he went to therapy, stopped ghosting me every Mercury retrograde, and maybe discovered how to load a dishwasher. Classic.
It starts innocently. A spark. A connection. You meet someone — they’re charming, funny, maybe even broken in all the right places. You see glimpses of who they could be. Not just glimpses — visions. The person they might become, the relationship you could build, the life you might share — if only they’d try. If only they’d grow. If only they’d want to. And so you wait. You pour. You invest. You love not who they are, but who you imagine they could become. And in doing so, you ignore the quiet truth that’s been sitting in the corner the whole time: potential is not a promise.
1. You Love Their Future, Not Their Present
You don’t love the person standing in front of you — not fully. You love the version of them that lives in your head. The version that shows up on time, communicates clearly, treats you with consistency, and meets you at your level.
But here’s the thing: fantasy is not intimacy. It’s projection. And when you fall in love with potential, you’re really just in a relationship with your own expectations.
2. You Feel More Like a Gardener Than a Partner
You're always nurturing, encouraging, trying to pull the best out of them. You excuse their behavior because you believe they “just need a little time,” “a little space,” “a little help.”
But love should feel like companionship, not unpaid emotional labor. You are not here to raise someone. You are here to walk beside them. If they cannot meet you as they are — not someday, but today — that is your answer.
3. You Confuse Patience with Self-Betrayal
There’s a fine line between standing by someone and slowly abandoning yourself. Between being loyal and being lost. Chanakya said, “A person should not be too honest. Straight trees are cut first.” That doesn’t mean you become dishonest — it means you stop being blindly self-sacrificing. Your patience is a gift, yes. But who is it costing? And are they even asking for it?
4. You Keep Hoping for a Turning Point That Never Comes
You think: maybe after this job ends, this crisis passes, this “phase” fades, they’ll finally become who you believe they are deep down.
But if you’re always in a waiting room, it’s not a relationship — it’s a hostage situation. Growth can’t be forced. And people don’t change just because you see their light — they change when they want to. Hope is beautiful. But hope without reality is a slow heartbreak on loop.
5. You Feel Lonely — Even When You’re Together
There’s an emptiness you don’t talk about. A quiet knowing that they don’t truly see you, because you’re too busy trying to fix them.
If you constantly feel like you're holding the weight of the connection, ask yourself: are they truly with you, or are they just near you? There’s a difference between proximity and presence. One looks good in pictures. The other builds peace.
6. You’re in Love with a Story You Wrote Alone
The saddest part about loving potential is how silently it happens. You don’t even notice you’re doing it — you think you’re being understanding. Compassionate. Loyal.
But slowly, your relationship becomes less about what is and more about what could be. And in that quiet rewriting, you start erasing yourself. You deserve a love that lives in reality. Not fiction.
So What Now?
If you see yourself in this — pause. Not to judge yourself, but to reclaim yourself. It takes strength to dream. But it takes wisdom to stop dreaming for someone else. You don’t need to be the one who sees their light if they insist on living in the dark. Love is not about saving. It’s about seeing. Seeing someone fully — flaws, wounds, present truth — and being seen in return.
Chanakya said, “A person who sees danger and still walks into it is not brave — he is blind.” And maybe that’s the most loving thing you can do now: open your eyes. You can let go of someone’s potential. And you can still love them from a distance. But more importantly — you can finally start loving the one person who needs it the most right now. You.
1. You Love Their Future, Not Their Present
But here’s the thing: fantasy is not intimacy. It’s projection. And when you fall in love with potential, you’re really just in a relationship with your own expectations.
2. You Feel More Like a Gardener Than a Partner
But love should feel like companionship, not unpaid emotional labor. You are not here to raise someone. You are here to walk beside them. If they cannot meet you as they are — not someday, but today — that is your answer.
3. You Confuse Patience with Self-Betrayal
4. You Keep Hoping for a Turning Point That Never Comes
But if you’re always in a waiting room, it’s not a relationship — it’s a hostage situation. Growth can’t be forced. And people don’t change just because you see their light — they change when they want to. Hope is beautiful. But hope without reality is a slow heartbreak on loop.
5. You Feel Lonely — Even When You’re Together
If you constantly feel like you're holding the weight of the connection, ask yourself: are they truly with you, or are they just near you? There’s a difference between proximity and presence. One looks good in pictures. The other builds peace.
6. You’re in Love with a Story You Wrote Alone
But slowly, your relationship becomes less about what is and more about what could be. And in that quiet rewriting, you start erasing yourself. You deserve a love that lives in reality. Not fiction.
So What Now?
Chanakya said, “A person who sees danger and still walks into it is not brave — he is blind.” And maybe that’s the most loving thing you can do now: open your eyes. You can let go of someone’s potential. And you can still love them from a distance. But more importantly — you can finally start loving the one person who needs it the most right now. You.