The Real Reason Hindu Marriages Fail, It’s Not Love, It’s Lost Dharma

In our times, we tell ourselves that love is the foundation of marriage. Pair two people who love each other, we assume, and you have a successful union. But for the tradition of Hinduism, in its richest form, marriage isn’t meant to be just about love. It is meant to be about dharma. And when that dharma fades, love alone cannot hold.

In the Vedic vision, marriage is a sacred rite of passage. It is meant not just to unite two people, but two households, two life-paths, two duties. The couple take on a shared journey (and the responsibilities that come with it). The purpose of marriage, as tradition teaches, is deeper than romance: It is to fulfill dharma (moral/spiritual duty). It is to manage artha (material/household achievement) and kama (desire, pleasure) in a balanced way. It is even to help move toward moksha (liberation) ultimately.
In other words: Marriage in the Hindu sense is not only romance, but a disciplined path of shared growth.

When two people marry, love is often what brings them together. But what keeps them together is dharma.

• Love becomes self-fulfillment instead of shared duty.

As time passes, couples fall into the trap of “what does marriage give me?” rather than “what does our marriage ask of us?” When the conversation shifts to self-interest, the original shared duty dissolves.

• Neglect of the sacred dimension.

When marriage is reduced purely to emotional fulfilment or sexual chemistry, the higher purpose is lost. The tradition says “where there is mutual affection and regard … there alone will there be happiness and welfare.” But that mutual affection itself is grounded in respect for duty-roles, not just feeling.

• Dharma mis-understood as conformity only.

Sometimes couples believe dharma means doing everything the way it was done, rituals, roles, without understanding the spirit of those roles. Then roles can become rigid prisons, not paths of growth.

• Dharma ignored until crisis.

Many marriages drift until the inevitable disagreements, financial stress, children, in-laws, unmet expectations come in. At that point, because the fundamental grounding (shared purpose, mutual duty) wasn’t built, the house of cards collapses.

When a husband says “I will protect and provide,” the ancient texts don’t mean dominion, they mean to support the spiritual, emotional, as well as material well-being of the wife and family. When a wife says “I will accompany you,” the meaning is not blind obedience but a willful partnership in the journey of life, which includes the inner journey.
When a couple participates in the ritual of the seven vows (saptapadi) in a Hindu wedding, each step is as much about shared duty as it is about love.

Love, by its nature, is changeable. The high of newness, the flush of romance, the idealistic promises, they all fade or evolve. But duty, purpose, dharma, those are steady anchors. When a marriage has only the former, it lacks the latter’s stable ground.
Moreover, love ungrounded becomes entitlement: “I’m married so you must make me happy.” But dharma-grounded love becomes service: “We are married; how do we serve each other’s higher journey?” The difference matters.

Revisit the original vows. Often the meaning behind rituals gets lost. Reflect on what you promised, not just “I will love you,” but “I will walk with you in life’s duties.” Seek partnership in purpose.

• Ask: what are we here for, together? Is it just to live comfortably, or are we fostering values, meaning, growth?
• Balance self and other. Dharma is not self-neglect. It is the harmony of “I” and “We”.
• Keep the spiritual in view. A marriage that serves more than just itself, children, community, mutual growth, will weather storms better.

When you hear of a Hindu marriage that fails, ask: Was the foundation merely “I love you”? Or was it “We have a shared purpose”? Because love without purpose is like a river without banks, it can flood, vanish, or wander. But love within dharma is like a river held in a valley, deep, steady, shaping the land around it. In the silent hours of the night, when two people lie awake and wonder why the spark is gone, the answer often isn’t “I don’t love you enough”, it is “We stopped caring about what we were supposed to become together.”
Let marriage be more than a romance. Let it be a mission. Let the threads of duty, service, growth, inner life, woven into each day, be the warp and weft of a union that lasts. Because when dharma reigns, love not only survives, it transforms.