Why Do We Hurt The People We Care About The Most? Gita Knows
Riya Kumari | Aug 13, 2025, 15:01 IST
( Image credit : Pixabay )
Highlight of the story: You ever notice how the people who get under your skin the fastest are the ones who also get inside your heart the deepest? Yeah, it’s like the universe decided, “Hey, let’s make love a game of emotional dodgeball.” You think you’re being a saint, then boom, you snap at them over something stupid, or ghost them because you needed five minutes alone, or worse… you unintentionally stab them with your honesty (oops, brutal truth strikes again).
Because Love Isn’t Simple, and Neither Are We. We often hurt the ones we love most, not because we want to, but because love is tangled with fear, expectations, and the parts of ourselves we don’t fully understand. It’s a cruel irony: the closer someone is to our heart, the more our flaws and insecurities get projected onto them. And suddenly, the person who brings us comfort also becomes the one we push away.
The Gita’s Timeless Advice
Thousands of years ago, the Bhagavad Gita spoke to this very truth. Krishna tells Arjuna that attachment clouds perception, and acting from fear or ego only multiplies suffering. Translated to today: when we lash out at someone we love, it’s rarely about them, it’s about the turmoil inside ourselves. The pain we cause is a reflection of our own inner unrest, our expectations, and our inability to see clearly.
Understanding this doesn’t excuse our behavior. It empowers us. It shows that love is not a passive feeling but a conscious practice, demanding awareness, patience, and honesty.
Why It Happens
Fear of Losing Control, Love is unpredictable. And the human mind instinctively resists uncertainty. So when we feel vulnerable, we act out, thinking we can protect ourselves by controlling others.Projection of Inner Conflict, Our insecurities, disappointments, and past wounds often spill over onto the people we care about most. The harsher we judge them, the more we reveal our own internal struggle.High Expectations and Idealization, We imagine love as flawless. When reality doesn’t match our vision, frustration builds. Our closest ones become targets, not because they fail, but because we imagined perfection.Self-Sabotage, Deep down, some of us fear true intimacy. Hurting those we love can be an unconscious defense—a way to distance ourselves before they have a chance to hurt us.
The Path the Gita Offers
Detach From Outcomes Without Losing Care, Love deeply, but do not make another person responsible for your happiness. Awareness comes from seeing them as they are, not as a mirror of your desires.Act With Consciousness, Pause before reacting. Observe your feelings. Speak from clarity, not from fear, ego, or impatience.Accept Imperfection, Both yours and theirs. Love exists not in perfection, but in patience, understanding, and the courage to keep showing up, even when mistakes happen.
A Thought to Carry
Hurting someone you love is a sign that you care, but misdirected care can be as damaging as indifference. The Gita teaches that love demands both heart and mind, action and awareness. It asks us to hold our closest relationships with reverence, honesty, and discipline, recognizing that every reaction is an opportunity to understand ourselves more deeply.
So next time conflict arises with someone you love, pause. Ask: Is this about them or is this about the fear, pride, or pain within me? This is where true growth begins. This is where love transforms from a fleeting feeling into enduring wisdom.
The Gita’s Timeless Advice
Love
( Image credit : Unsplash )
Thousands of years ago, the Bhagavad Gita spoke to this very truth. Krishna tells Arjuna that attachment clouds perception, and acting from fear or ego only multiplies suffering. Translated to today: when we lash out at someone we love, it’s rarely about them, it’s about the turmoil inside ourselves. The pain we cause is a reflection of our own inner unrest, our expectations, and our inability to see clearly.
Understanding this doesn’t excuse our behavior. It empowers us. It shows that love is not a passive feeling but a conscious practice, demanding awareness, patience, and honesty.
Why It Happens
Commitment
( Image credit : Unsplash )
Fear of Losing Control, Love is unpredictable. And the human mind instinctively resists uncertainty. So when we feel vulnerable, we act out, thinking we can protect ourselves by controlling others.Projection of Inner Conflict, Our insecurities, disappointments, and past wounds often spill over onto the people we care about most. The harsher we judge them, the more we reveal our own internal struggle.High Expectations and Idealization, We imagine love as flawless. When reality doesn’t match our vision, frustration builds. Our closest ones become targets, not because they fail, but because we imagined perfection.Self-Sabotage, Deep down, some of us fear true intimacy. Hurting those we love can be an unconscious defense—a way to distance ourselves before they have a chance to hurt us.
The Path the Gita Offers
Happy
( Image credit : Unsplash )
Detach From Outcomes Without Losing Care, Love deeply, but do not make another person responsible for your happiness. Awareness comes from seeing them as they are, not as a mirror of your desires.Act With Consciousness, Pause before reacting. Observe your feelings. Speak from clarity, not from fear, ego, or impatience.Accept Imperfection, Both yours and theirs. Love exists not in perfection, but in patience, understanding, and the courage to keep showing up, even when mistakes happen.
A Thought to Carry
So next time conflict arises with someone you love, pause. Ask: Is this about them or is this about the fear, pride, or pain within me? This is where true growth begins. This is where love transforms from a fleeting feeling into enduring wisdom.