Why You Must Stop Choosing People Who Don’t Choose You: Gita on Attachment
Riya Kumari | Jul 22, 2025, 17:59 IST
( Image credit : Times Life Bureau )
There’s a special kind of heartbreak that hits when you're sitting with a phone in your hand, staring at “Seen at 9:47 PM,” knowing damn well they had time to like three thirst traps, comment on a meme, and post a gym selfie with a quote that screams “emotionally unavailable but shredded.”
There Comes a Moment. Not loud. Not dramatic. Just a quiet second when you look around and realize, you don’t recognize yourself anymore. You’ve become someone who says "it’s okay" even when it isn’t. Someone who stays up just to make sure they sleep well. Someone who shows up. Again. And again. And again. Until you start to vanish. And then, on the one day, just one day, you ask for something back, they look at you and say, "Did I ask you to do all that?"
Because that sentence? That one line? It slices deeper than you expect. It tells you everything you were afraid to admit: That all your sacrifices… all your loyalty… all your emotional generosity… were never seen the way you hoped. Never valued the way you imagined. And suddenly, you're standing in the ruins of a relationship you built single-handedly, wondering if they ever stood beside you at all or just watched you build and nodded occasionally.
Krishna never says, “Keep giving even when it empties you.” He speaks of karma, of action without attachment, yes. But not action without awareness. Not sacrifice without discrimination. Krishna tells Arjuna to fight, not because fighting is glorious, but because not standing up for what’s right, including your own self-respect, is a form of self-betrayal.
You gave them your time. Your mind. Your patience, your softness, your hundred chances. You remembered what they liked, even when they forgot your birthday. You kept space for their storms, even when they never asked about your rain. You explained your silences, your moods, your trauma. They explained nothing. And now? You’re exhausted.
Because you believed being the bigger person meant being the broken one. Because someone once told you that real love means staying. No matter what. No matter how heavy. But here’s the thing. There is a difference between loving someone and losing your identity for them. There is a line between patience and self-erasure. If they keep choosing themselves, with their words, their silences, their decisions, their priorities and you keep choosing them over you… That’s not loyalty. That’s self-abandonment dressed up as love.
Do your duty. Be kind. Be just. Be giving. But also, be awake. The Gita asks you to act from awareness. Not blind emotion. Not codependency. Not guilt. It’s not selfish to choose yourself. It’s sacred. Because when you finally stop chasing people who take you for granted, you begin returning to yourself. The self you left behind in unreciprocated effort.
If they keep choosing themselves, not out of self-respect but out of carelessness for you, why are you still choosing them? Not from anger. Not from drama. But from truth. Why? If the answer is fear, fear of being alone, fear of starting over, fear of being "too much", then it’s time to remember what Krishna told Arjuna:
The Gita doesn’t ask you to walk away with hate. It asks you to walk away with clarity. So you don’t spend your one precious life chasing people who only show up when it’s convenient. You don’t need a breakdown to justify your boundaries. You don’t need to be perfect to deserve love. And you don’t need permission to stop giving everything to people who would never bleed for you the way you bled for them.
If they keep choosing themselves… let them. Now, choose you. Not because you’re bitter. But because you finally remembered, you were never meant to disappear.
Because that sentence? That one line? It slices deeper than you expect. It tells you everything you were afraid to admit: That all your sacrifices… all your loyalty… all your emotional generosity… were never seen the way you hoped. Never valued the way you imagined. And suddenly, you're standing in the ruins of a relationship you built single-handedly, wondering if they ever stood beside you at all or just watched you build and nodded occasionally.
1. The Gita does not glorify martyrdom
Change
( Image credit : Unsplash )
Krishna never says, “Keep giving even when it empties you.” He speaks of karma, of action without attachment, yes. But not action without awareness. Not sacrifice without discrimination. Krishna tells Arjuna to fight, not because fighting is glorious, but because not standing up for what’s right, including your own self-respect, is a form of self-betrayal.
You gave them your time. Your mind. Your patience, your softness, your hundred chances. You remembered what they liked, even when they forgot your birthday. You kept space for their storms, even when they never asked about your rain. You explained your silences, your moods, your trauma. They explained nothing. And now? You’re exhausted.
- Not because love is hard, but because you’ve been loving for two.
2. But You Stayed, Right?
Identity
( Image credit : Unsplash )
Because you believed being the bigger person meant being the broken one. Because someone once told you that real love means staying. No matter what. No matter how heavy. But here’s the thing. There is a difference between loving someone and losing your identity for them. There is a line between patience and self-erasure. If they keep choosing themselves, with their words, their silences, their decisions, their priorities and you keep choosing them over you… That’s not loyalty. That’s self-abandonment dressed up as love.
Do your duty. Be kind. Be just. Be giving. But also, be awake. The Gita asks you to act from awareness. Not blind emotion. Not codependency. Not guilt. It’s not selfish to choose yourself. It’s sacred. Because when you finally stop chasing people who take you for granted, you begin returning to yourself. The self you left behind in unreciprocated effort.
3. So, Ask Yourself Again
Why
( Image credit : Unsplash )
If they keep choosing themselves, not out of self-respect but out of carelessness for you, why are you still choosing them? Not from anger. Not from drama. But from truth. Why? If the answer is fear, fear of being alone, fear of starting over, fear of being "too much", then it’s time to remember what Krishna told Arjuna:
- "You grieve for those not worthy of grief. Wise ones do not mourn the living or the dead."
4. Last Thought Before You Go
Walk away
( Image credit : Unsplash )
The Gita doesn’t ask you to walk away with hate. It asks you to walk away with clarity. So you don’t spend your one precious life chasing people who only show up when it’s convenient. You don’t need a breakdown to justify your boundaries. You don’t need to be perfect to deserve love. And you don’t need permission to stop giving everything to people who would never bleed for you the way you bled for them.
If they keep choosing themselves… let them. Now, choose you. Not because you’re bitter. But because you finally remembered, you were never meant to disappear.