The Desire To Be Loved Is The Last Illusion, Give It Up And You Will Be Free
Ankit Gupta | May 22, 2025, 23:44 IST
The desire to be loved is not evil—it is the last illusion, the last door before freedom. Let go of it—not to become cold or indifferent—but to discover the source of unconditional love within.
"Kamanam antam na jane aham nityamanyam samapnuh; Sukham duhkham cha loke'smin na bhaveti vibhavyate."
"Desires have no end; another always arises. Pleasure and pain flow in the world without substance."
Among the many desires that govern the human mind, none appears as noble or harmless as the desire to be loved. It is cherished, romanticized, and even spiritualized. Yet, this very longing may be the most subtle and binding of all.
A quote often attributed to Krishna, though not found verbatim in the Bhagavad Gita, captures a deep Vedantic truth: "The desire to be loved is the last illusion. Give it up and you will be free." Whether Krishna uttered these words or not, their essence resonates with his teachings on detachment, self-realization, and spiritual freedom.
Krishna's wisdom in the Bhagavad Gita consistently encourages detachment from outcomes, including emotional expectations.
Bhagavad Gita 2.47: "You have a right to perform your prescribed duties, but you are not entitled to the fruits of your actions."
Here, the "fruit" includes emotional validation, appreciation, and love. Expecting love as a return for our deeds keeps us tied to the ego.
Bhagavad Gita 12.13-14: "He who hates no creature, who is friendly and compassionate, free from attachment and egoism... that devotee is dear to Me."
Krishna defines the ideal devotee as one who gives love selflessly and does not seek emotional returns. Love, in Krishna's dharma, is not transactional but transcendent.
In Advaita Vedanta, the Self (Atman) is not a seeker of love but the very source of it. The illusion lies in thinking that we are incomplete and must be fulfilled by others.
Desire for love, at its core, is a subtle form of egoism (asmita). The seeker feels, "I am not enough unless someone else confirms it."
The Upanishads declare: "Tat tvam asi" – "Thou art That"
You are not a fragment seeking completion. You are the totality – love itself.
To seek love is to overlook your true nature. To stop seeking is to merge with it.
On the path of renunciation, many seekers give up wealth, fame, and worldly pleasures. But the desire to be spiritually admired or divinely loved often remains.
This creates a new bondage:
When Meera sang, "Pag ghunghroo bandh Meera nachi re," she did not demand Krishna's love — she became its embodiment.
The final goal in Yogic philosophy is Kaivalya – absolute aloneness. But this is not loneliness. It is pure Self-abidance, where one rests in one's own completeness.
Yoga Sutra 4.34: "Kaivalya is the establishment of the Purusha in its own nature, after the dissolution of the gunas."
This freedom comes when all illusions, even the need to be loved, dissolve. Then remains only the seer – eternal, blissful, and free.
1. Self-Inquiry (Atma Vichara): Who is it that seeks love? Is it the Self or the ego? The very act of inquiry weakens the illusion.
2. Meditative Silence: Sit with the discomfort of being unseen or unappreciated. Let the mind burn its dependency in the fire of stillness.
3. Seva (Selfless Service): Give love unconditionally. Love not because you are loved, but because you are love. Let actions become offerings.
4. Surrender (Sharanagati): Offer the very desire to be loved to the Divine. Say, "If I am to be unloved, let it be Thy will."
Saints and sages are often deeply loved – not because they desired it, but because they radiated selfless love.
The desire to be loved seems harmless, even divine. But it is the final illusion, the last door before freedom. Give it up, not to become cold, but to discover the infinite source within.
When you stop craving love, you become a beacon of it. When you dissolve the need to be held, you hold the universe within.
This is the message Krishna whispers not in words, but through his dance, his silence, and his smile:
You are already what you seek. Let go. Be free.
"Desires have no end; another always arises. Pleasure and pain flow in the world without substance."
The Sweetest Trap – Desire for Love
A quote often attributed to Krishna, though not found verbatim in the Bhagavad Gita, captures a deep Vedantic truth: "The desire to be loved is the last illusion. Give it up and you will be free." Whether Krishna uttered these words or not, their essence resonates with his teachings on detachment, self-realization, and spiritual freedom.
Krishna’s Teachings
Love Without Attachment
Krishna's wisdom in the Bhagavad Gita consistently encourages detachment from outcomes, including emotional expectations.
Bhagavad Gita 2.47: "You have a right to perform your prescribed duties, but you are not entitled to the fruits of your actions."
Here, the "fruit" includes emotional validation, appreciation, and love. Expecting love as a return for our deeds keeps us tied to the ego.
Bhagavad Gita 12.13-14: "He who hates no creature, who is friendly and compassionate, free from attachment and egoism... that devotee is dear to Me."
Krishna defines the ideal devotee as one who gives love selflessly and does not seek emotional returns. Love, in Krishna's dharma, is not transactional but transcendent.
The Vedantic Perspective
Desire for love, at its core, is a subtle form of egoism (asmita). The seeker feels, "I am not enough unless someone else confirms it."
The Upanishads declare: "Tat tvam asi" – "Thou art That"
You are not a fragment seeking completion. You are the totality – love itself.
To seek love is to overlook your true nature. To stop seeking is to merge with it.
The Trap of Spiritual Dependency
Mirabai
On the path of renunciation, many seekers give up wealth, fame, and worldly pleasures. But the desire to be spiritually admired or divinely loved often remains.
This creates a new bondage:
- Dependence on the Guru's approval
- Craving emotional validation in the name of devotion
- Seeking mystical experiences to feel "loved by God"
When Meera sang, "Pag ghunghroo bandh Meera nachi re," she did not demand Krishna's love — she became its embodiment.
Freedom Lies in Aloneness (Kaivalya)
Yoga Sutra 4.34: "Kaivalya is the establishment of the Purusha in its own nature, after the dissolution of the gunas."
This freedom comes when all illusions, even the need to be loved, dissolve. Then remains only the seer – eternal, blissful, and free.
Practical Path to Transcend the Desire for Love
2. Meditative Silence: Sit with the discomfort of being unseen or unappreciated. Let the mind burn its dependency in the fire of stillness.
3. Seva (Selfless Service): Give love unconditionally. Love not because you are loved, but because you are love. Let actions become offerings.
4. Surrender (Sharanagati): Offer the very desire to be loved to the Divine. Say, "If I am to be unloved, let it be Thy will."
The Paradox of Love: When You No Longer Need It, You Become It
- Ramana Maharshi never asked for love, but thousands were magnetized to his silent compassion.
- Krishna, though detached, was adored by gopis, friends, and foes alike.
- Buddha did not seek to be loved. He became love and the world bowed before him.
The Last Door
When you stop craving love, you become a beacon of it. When you dissolve the need to be held, you hold the universe within.
This is the message Krishna whispers not in words, but through his dance, his silence, and his smile:
You are already what you seek. Let go. Be free.