What Death Feels Like: How Adults & Children Experience It

Death is a fundamental reality of human existence that no one can avoid. Irrespective of age, religion, ethnicity, caste or creed, people die throughout the world, every day, every moment. In fact The Buddha, who contemplated about death as the universal law that permeates everything around us, wrote in The Dhammapada:

“Many do not realise that
We here must die.
For those who realise this,
Quarrels end.”

But, how does the experience of death feel like? Is there a difference between the experiential world of a child and an adult during their final moments? Palliative care physicians and psychologists have noted that there is.

Some of the basic factors of life including imaginative capacity, life experience, emotional maturity, forgiveness and regret are critical in understanding our death experiences. Indeed, our final moments are deeply intertwined with our relationships, imagination and reminiscences.
Adults have accumulated enough experiences in life to grasp the permanent and irreversible nature of death. Palliative care physicians have pointed out that adults, while lying on their death beds, go through numerous emotions.

Someone who has lived a long and arduous life, will revisit the important moments of the past. These instances will include the beautiful relationship they had with their partner, community services they attended or the occasions of achieving their dream career goals.

By reliving these precious incidents, they find meaning, fulfilment and joy during the last few days.
The realisation that our future plans and dreams are about to be thrown into the ashes, would be a startling moment of profound magnitude for young adults. During the initial stages of contemplating death, some wallow in sorrow, anger and fear, complaining about the unfairness of reality. This phenomenon is called Existential Angst in Existential Psychotherapy.


But, after some time, they will seek forgiveness and catharsis by confronting bygone mistakes and regrets. Many dying adults will wish for a meeting with the person from the past, they believe, they had wronged.

Viktor Frankl, the influential psychologist who founded Logotherapy, came face-to-face with death numerous times while he was a prisoner in the second world war. He observed the lakhs of prisoners facing death in Nazi concentration camps. Then, he found out that what sustained many of them during those catastrophic periods was the memories of past meaningful relationships and remembrance of their life’s purpose.


Therefore, people approaching death have reported numerous times that they experience dreams of a deceased loved one or revisit their comforting interactions with the nearest and dearest. They relive these memories in their imagination and find inner peace by believing that they have lived a rewarding and fulfilling life.

Unaffected by the understanding of mortality and existential dread like adults, children’s experience of death is less fearful and more imaginative in nature.


With less lived experiences and memories of regret, loss and death, children find solace in creative visualisation. They seek safety, love and warmth by creating inner imagined spaces that might be filled with pets, fantastical elements and animals.

Similarly, children also find protection and care in the love of family figures like mother and father.

At this stage, when their neural connections are beginning to develop and perspectives on life are not yet formed, awareness of death is almost non-existent. They may not understand the fact that death is forever and irreversible.

Older children, due to various occurrences such as death of a relative, begin to comprehend death. However, in their perspective, it will be a concept that lies far from their experiential world. They will still believe that it won’t happen to anyone they know or to themselves.


The experience of death differs from person-to-person. But according to the observations of palliative care physicians there is a clear difference between the mental states of adults and children when confronting their final moments. When adults try to find fulfilment by revisiting past joyful memories, relationships and by resolving conflicts and regrets, children find inner peace by indulging in their imaginative world filled with fantastical elements, pets, animals and the love and care of immediate family members.

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Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

1. Is death painful or peaceful?
   For many people, death is a peaceful experience, when the body shuts down slowly and with the availability of good medical and emotional support. But individual experiences may vary, and some people might feel pain due to chronic illnesses, insufficient pain management, fear and anxiety.
2. What are the first 5 minutes after death like?
   During the last few minutes, central functions of the body cease; heart stops, lungs stop functioning, muscles relax, blood starts pooling. However, studies have shown that our brain activity continues for several minutes after death. Also, due to residual neural activity the dead person’s limbs may move or fingers might twitch.
3. Can people hear you in their last moments?
   Yes, even when people are unconscious, they can still hear what those around them are saying. EEG scans have pointed out that brain activity in the area related to hearing stays active till the point of death. Thus, palliative care experts recommend to speak gently and affectionately when we are around our loved ones facing death.